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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by DH’s total lack of basic skills

245 replies

tryingtosortmylifeout · 01/12/2018 22:39

I’m going through an unusually busy period at work at the moment which means I’ve had to work all day today (I’m self-employed and work from home). I’ve been working for about 11 hours solid and have just clocked off.

I was planning to cook a nice chilli con carne from scratch for dinner tonight but unfortunately just haven’t had the time. DH can’t cook (Hmm) so offered to buy a takeaway instead. I found myself wishing my husband could cook me a nice meal rather than order from the (not brilliant) local Chinese, especially as we’ve been having way too many takeaways recently, but fine.

But the next thing is that he’s washed the bed sheets today and has just asked me to put the duvet cover back on the duvet as it’s “something he can’t do”. At this point I got quite fed-up and basically let him know that I’m tired, have been working all day and just want to flop on the sofa thank you very much.

He said putting on the duvet cover is a two person job (despite the fact that I’m perfectly able to sort it single-handed - again, Hmm) and has now been upstairs for 10 minutes trying to sort it himself.

AIBU to be completely fed-up with this or am I just tired? He’s lovely in a lot of ways but his lack of basic skills really does drive me nuts sometimes!

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingtosortmylifeout · 02/12/2018 00:12

Well I must say he’s done a very good job - all four corners matched up and no lumps and bumps either. I think I will make this one of his jobs in future!

OP posts:
Abeautifulpeagreenboat · 02/12/2018 00:13

Delboy I've tried that way, but it's a faff turning the cover inside out. Have a look at this

Oh and OP, just leave him to it.

Bluerussian · 02/12/2018 00:13

I've heard other people say putting a duvet cover on is difficult but it really isn't. There's no reason your husband cannot do it, he only has to look at it to see how. He can take his time.

There's also no reason why he can't cook something simple, he can read instructions online and ask you for advice.

delboysskinandblister · 02/12/2018 00:22

Abeautiful

Thank you! Yes I have tried this way too but the man in the video didn't come with. Smile

AnotherPidgey · 02/12/2018 00:23

I find the duvet cover difficult. At 5ft 2, it's considerably bigger than me and even when I've crawled in to get the corners into the corners then pulled it over the bannister to shake it out, it's still bloody lumpy. I've got the foot strip of empty cover and DH has the lumpy bundled up end at the moment. Freshly made beds aren't worth the stress of doing solo! Sheets and pillowcases, fine. I try to get DH involved when possible because it's so much more effective as a 2 person job. That's different to strategic incompetence.

AnotherPidgey · 02/12/2018 00:29

Those videos are complete cheats, they're not Super-Kings several feet wider than the person making them!

tildaMa · 02/12/2018 00:52

AnotherPidgey, there are two tricks you may want to use:
First is to use the "burrito" method: - it's the perfect method for short people, no shaking required, easiest to do it on the floor if you have enough space.
Second is to sew ties to corners of duvet and cover and just tie them together when putting the cover on.

Shriek · 02/12/2018 01:00

That's looks harder work than reaching in to grab the corners Anthea Turner styled!

Although, granted, saves a lot of shaking! And great for superking.

You do just doesn't want to do it

Shriek · 02/12/2018 01:01

*your dp

DoinItForTheKids · 02/12/2018 01:06

I think neither of those 'putting on a duvet hacks' are any good!

Put duvet cover on bed in the way it needs to be. Take top right corner of the duvet, slide it up to the inside of the top right corner of the duvet cover (you push it into the corner and it stays there). Repeat on the left. Close the duvet cover, shake it about.

Job done.

No rolling up, no turning duvet covers inside out. On the second one (because he did it in reverse to my way) he had to go back and push the top two corners of the duvet into the top corners of the cover to get them in properly so it didn't work that well anyway.

Anyway though, it's all down to size of person versus size of duvet etc - I'm 5' 1" and the way I do it works for me, it might not for everyone.

But dear lord, there's no excuse to not be able to do it. OP you need to keep gradually adding skills to his list - he can clearly learn when he has to!

mantlepiece · 02/12/2018 01:11

Bring back blankets and eiderdowns!

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/12/2018 01:15

I ve never understood not being able to cook, it’s just chopping things up and heating them. Following written instructions is easy

I sometimes attempt to cook.

The dc and dp just look aghast at how I could mess up simple things.

I have turned food blue, absolutely no idea how.

My soup comes in slices and my spaghetti disintegrated in the pan. It was just gloopy water.

I did once make a curry from scratch.

It was a hot curry to begin with. On the last instruction it said add chillis.

I didn’t read the last 2 words on the next line which read

to taste

So I just dumped a packet of dried chillis in the curry and thought I had done well.

People were running into my kitchen and filling up pans and anything that could contain a lot of water to quench the fire in their mouths.

So no it isn’t just chopping things up and following instructions
I have done all that and still end up with an inedible mess.

Jackshouse · 02/12/2018 01:34

I blame the mother. I don’t understand this. These are adult mean, there mothers did not teach them how to do their jobs but them learnt. We need to stop blaming women for the failure of men.

Shriek · 02/12/2018 01:37

I just don't understand how learning to feed oneself is missed from a child's learning throughout its entirety of childhood!?

How is a child supposed to feed itself if it's never learned to cook? How does an adult of more than 25 not know how to cook some basic meals? Even if not learnt during childhood, soon learn when on own surely?

What are parents doing with their DC that this doesn't happen?!

Shriek · 02/12/2018 01:39

Equal responsibility, but let's face it women take far more responsibility, even if they are not actually doing the jobs themselves. There are still more sahm than sahd.

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/12/2018 01:40

I was in and out of care. Not everyone grows up with parents cooking meals from scratch in the kitchen with a glass of wine in one hand and a le creuset pan in the other

Shriek · 02/12/2018 01:42

Rude Oliver's !! What's glass of wine and lecreuset got to do with the price of chips?
Pointless.
Do kids in care not get any domestic learning, as they are being badly failed if not?

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/12/2018 01:50

The glass of wine comment comes from the first page. And the le creuset comment comes from several threads over the years where people can’t put there bans in a dishwasher.

I was in and out so no never had a cookery lesson

PersonalM0Tee · 02/12/2018 01:51

I really don't understand how people cannot cook ! If you start with basics like baked potato, omelette, soup etc then build on top. Today there are videos, books. You can buy 100s of meals that you just put in the oven. If he lived on his own he would have to cook, clean, do laundry, change duvet himself !

Shriek · 02/12/2018 02:01

What on earth has putting pans in a d washer to do with this? At all?

What's the gripe then?

So they do teach cooking then, good, sorry you missed out but theres a lot else out there

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 02/12/2018 03:10

All these people that claim they “can’t cook”. What do you eat? Because you can easily create a really good meal without having any technical skills. Without even cooking. I hate grown people claiming they can’t do something. There are things I have never done, but I would give anything a bloody good try.

Motoko · 02/12/2018 03:46

So no it isn’t just chopping things up and following instructions
I have done all that and still end up with an inedible mess.

But you didn't read the instructions fully, hence the burning curry. And I suspect you cooked the spaghetti for far too long, it's only meant to be cooked for a little over 10 minutes. If it was just a gloopy, starchy mess, it was obviously in the water for a lot longer than that.

PersonalM0Tee · 02/12/2018 04:18

If you cook spaghetti for the allocated time and throw one string at the wall and it sticks it's done. I don't know if this is an old cooking tale !, But that's how I cook it

Whisky2014 · 02/12/2018 04:27

Its not difficult to get a dubet cover on, despite ehat other think. Turn duvet cover inside out, grab corners of duvet cover and duvet. Turn the right way out and shake. What the fuck is difficult about that???

Weenurse · 02/12/2018 04:36

Mine had a Mum who ironed his undies!
When we married we cooked together, I would show him what to do one night and he would cook it the next. Yes we ate the same meal twice, but he picked up very quickly.
Washing was a challenge, he had never done any. After mixing whites and coloured together the first time, he said to me’ you will never let me do the washing again’. I replied ‘you just need more practice ‘.
He is now just as capable as me, except he still leaves pans to ‘soak’ then never cleans them.

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