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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s rude to tell someone going into a bathroom you’re about to have a shower

188 replies

catlovingdoctor · 30/11/2018 16:34

Got home after work and went to use the bathroom. Relative says from downstairs “I’m gonna have a shower now”. AIBU to think it’s a bit impolite/ almost trying to be controlling?

OP posts:

AFistfulofDolores1 · 01/12/2018 09:14

I think you need to sort out your jealousy issues around your step-parent - whether they are justified or not.

Lalliella · 01/12/2018 09:15

It’s page 7 and we still don’t know what you were going to the bathroom for!

MrsChollySawcutt · 01/12/2018 09:19

Its s totally normal thing to say.

Step parent was going out for evening and wanted to have a shower and get ready just before going out - not unreasonable and no reason at all why the shower should have been had before OP got home.

Step parent communicates to OP that they need the bathroom for a shower soon so that OP doesn't inadvertently scupper their plans by using all the hot water and/or having a leisurely dwell in the bathroom.

OP uses loo, step-parent subsequently has shower and all is happy and harmonious.

Weird to start a thread about it - you are way over thinking this OP.

DaffydownClock · 01/12/2018 09:23

Sounds like you resent the presence of your stepfather big time OP.
Sooner or later your mother and stepfather are going to get fedup with your attitude I imagine, perhaps it's time you grew up and moved out?

Mulberry72 · 01/12/2018 09:25

I don’t see the issue, I really don’t........

Neededastealthname · 01/12/2018 09:42

OP I get it, I once lived with my Husbands parents for a while and everytime I went to use the bathroom his Mother would make a run for it too, it was like she was constantly trying to lay claim to it, it didn't matter how diplomatic I tried to be about it either. She was the same with the kitchen.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 01/12/2018 09:42

@Blueblueyellow, I know how I'd want to react and how I feel but I see how lonely my mother is and I am despite my feelings going out of my way to encourage her to socialise and date, to see what is out there. She's in her early 60's and has been alone since she was in her early 50's. It's time she is 'selfish' and does something that makes her happy for a change and she'd love a relationship. My sisters won't be happy but they all have families and someone that loves and looks after them, mum doesn't so they can get over it. I'll deal with it the best way that I can because I won't be living at home forever and she needs a life of her own. I'm expecting that I'll have a family and a partner. I have no right to deprive her of the same. The main issue will be my room. I paid for everything in it and decorated it myself, I pay rent even when I'm not there (extra bedroom tax) and for her to look after my dogs. My room has a lock and key I have one and so does my mother because I'm autistic and can't handle people using/moving my things without asking and my sisters have issues with boundaries. I know my mother would never move (too many ties to the area) so whoever she date's would move in and if they have children or grandchildren they may want to let them stay in my room which just wouldn't happen. I'm also not sure how I'd feel about my mum being a step-mum or step-gran as I often don't feel like I get any time with her as it is. I think I'd be fine as long as they respected her and my family and my family home, but who knows. I suppose I'll find out when I find out .

MemoryOfSleep · 01/12/2018 09:47

I do see what you're saying and would probably feel the same way, but I think you need to move out. Based on those I know, when people had kids twenty years ago, they didn't expect to be housing them for the next three decades. Expecting your parent's partner to tiptoe around you is a bit unfair and your mum is allowed to bring whoever she wants into her house, especially now you're an adult. I guess you could bring up your unease with your mother and see if she will have a word with him but if she's happy with the situation, ultimately it's a like it or lump it issue, I'm afraid.

CaliHummers · 01/12/2018 12:29

I don’t think he has the right to tell me to “not be long”, in any way shape or form, in the bathroom in a house I’ve lived in for 20 years before he turned up.

You really resent him, don't you? Where's your mum in all of this? Is she happy? There's no reason he should feel like a guest in his own home either, no matter how long or short a time he's lived there.

It's possible he's not good for your mum. It's possible he's a shit step parent. But you are in your 20s - time to fly the nest. It's not that your mum will ever stop being your mum - it's just that this is a new stage for both of you, one which enables her to have more of a life of her own.

SalemBlackCat4 · 01/12/2018 12:37

I find it strange reading about countries that have the toilet and shower in the same room. That would be hell! Any house I've lived in - or even visited - has always had the shower in one room, and toilet in the next room.

Regardless of how weird it is to me to think of a toilet and shower being in the same room, I think he was probably just giving you a heads up and didn't mean anything by it....unless he is normally pushy and aggressive. It is hard to tell without actual information about how you both get on normally. But yes, if he was home all day, he should have had his shower earlier.

Sommelierrrr · 01/12/2018 12:49

Eh? It's not just the bathroom you're cross about is it?

OddBoots · 01/12/2018 12:54

It is ruder to keep going on about how long you lived somewhere before it was as their home too.

bullyingadvice2017 · 01/12/2018 13:17

Maybe they meant don't be stinking it out in there I'm about to have a shower. Perfectly normal in this house if your about to have a shower you don't want someone to have a smelly dump right before.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 01/12/2018 13:56

if your about to have a shower you don't want someone to have a smelly dump right before.

I disagree. A dump takes priority over a shower (can't believe I just wrote that!). You can choose when to have a shower

littlemeitslyn · 01/12/2018 16:21

No you're nuts

Notacluewhatthisis · 01/12/2018 16:42

It's your home. It's also the step parents home. You all have to learn to live together. You don't have any more rights because it's been you home longer.

The person whose house it is (either owner or personal on the rental paperwork) gets to choose who lives there. They get to choose who gets to call their house 'home'.

Quite frankly it doesn't matter if they were at home all day or what they were doing. They planned on getting the shower, they heard you going for it, they gave you a heads up that they also wanted the bathroom.

This is non issue.

KittensAndCake · 01/12/2018 16:48

And it wasn't me having a bath when her bowels were due, different times of day. It was almost like a trigger for her.

I'm sorry but that did make me laugh 😂

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 01/12/2018 16:51

It really doesn't matter how long you've lived there and how long he's lived there. It's his home just as much as yours.

Vampiratequeen · 01/12/2018 17:05

YABU this has nothing to do with the bathroom, you just don't like him being there.you see him as an intruder in your house. If anything you are the one that sounds entitled

5LeafClover · 01/12/2018 17:21

Not enough information here to tell. If you have a habit of being in the bathroom for hours and using all the hot water when you come home from work on the basis that it's your right to do what you want, then it's code for 'please don't do that tonight' (so neither controlling, nor unreasonable).

If it means 'so you should wait or get out as quickly as possible and I will be outside the door moaning about you until you do because I am in charge here now' and this is one of many ways they make you feel unwelcome now they've moved in...then it is both controlling and unreasonable.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 01/12/2018 17:23

Im about to get a shower.

Ive been cleaning all day amd stink, if my OH came in and tried to get in first he'd have to wait.

Omzlas · 01/12/2018 17:26

Can we correctly assume OP, that you generally dislike your SF?

The tone of your posts implies that you either dislike or resent him

OhTheRoses · 01/12/2018 17:31

Hmm. My step (2nd step in fact) moved in with mother when I was 18. I never moved back but my dad and grandparents at least helped me with the deposit to buy a flat when I was 21.

It irks doesn't it op. It isn't rational, it isn't objective. It just is.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/12/2018 17:52

”I don’t think he has the right to tell me to “not be long”, in any way shape or form, in the bathroom in a house I’ve lived in for 20 years before he turned up.”

I’m sorry, @catlovingdoctor, but if he lives there, he does have as much right as you do, to ask you not to be long in the bathroom.

Topseyt · 01/12/2018 17:57

I don't get what the big issue is. It just sounds totally normal to me.

I think that the best response would have been "Fine, no problems, I am just going in to take a large dump first".

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