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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s rude to tell someone going into a bathroom you’re about to have a shower

188 replies

catlovingdoctor · 30/11/2018 16:34

Got home after work and went to use the bathroom. Relative says from downstairs “I’m gonna have a shower now”. AIBU to think it’s a bit impolite/ almost trying to be controlling?

OP posts:

Vitalogy · 30/11/2018 18:04

Don't want to pry into your financials but if you're a doctor. Second bathroom fitting on to do list.

Yulebealrite · 30/11/2018 18:08

It's a bit of a non issue. "can't wait, i'm desperate" with a tinkle laugh, should have sorted it. What would their reaction have been if you'd done that'. Why do you think its an issue? I should imagine that scenario is often played out in most one bathroom houses everywhere

recovery18 · 30/11/2018 18:11

I have no bloody idea what is going on here.

Step parent hears you are heading towards loo (how do they know you are not going somewhere else? Never mind) and says they will be having a shower in a bit.

So what?

It sounds like you are desperate to create drama here.

Yulebealrite · 30/11/2018 18:11

tinkle laugh might be an inappropriate autocorrect given the subject in hand.

empmalswa · 30/11/2018 18:12

This is bizarre.

AIBU to think it’s a bit impolite/ almost trying to be controlling?

Yes YABU. It's called COMMUNICATION. It's what adults do.

Livedandlearned2 · 30/11/2018 18:13

I totally understand. Unless you've had a step parent it all just seems petty to get wound up by a comment, but it's not as simple as that.

Aridane · 30/11/2018 18:14

I was living here for 20 years before they moved in.

(which is neither here nor there)

I’m sorry you’re unhappy with cuckoo in the nest step parent of 5 years and where your reaction to a casual shower comment must be symptomatic of deeper issues

Haffdonga · 30/11/2018 18:15

YABU and seem to want to make a drama out of absolutely nothing

RavenWings · 30/11/2018 18:21

Don't be such a bloody petulant child."I'm just about to have a shower " sounds to me like them wondering if you're heading in for a shower. They've been there five years, it's their house as well - they don't need to tiptoe around you.

80sMum · 30/11/2018 18:22

I don't see what the problem is, OP. OK, so you were heading for the loo and your mum's (or dad's) boyfriend/girlfriend who lives with you said that he/she was about to have a shower?

In those circumstances, you either say "OK, no probs, I won't be long" or "sorry, I'm going to be a while but I'll be as quick as I can."

If you're quick, then you both get to use the bathroom and everything is fine. If you take ages, then perhaps that would encourage the said boyfriend/girlfriend not to wait until you get home before deciding on taking a shower next time.

EtVoilaBrexit · 30/11/2018 18:25

In my house that would be code for 'please don't have a shit and stink the place out!'

Errr... and what is the person supposed to do then? Just wait when they need to go?
Orbuse the downstairs toilet (that you are not supposed to use for a poo )

TrippingTheVelvet · 30/11/2018 18:26

If your DM had called out, would you have been pissed with her? No? Because it's a non-issue and you're clearly picking at things because you have an issue with them living there.

TedAndLola · 30/11/2018 18:27

Here, it's "I'm going for a bath/shower, anyone need the toilet first?"

If they need a shit then you postpone your bath until any odours have dispersed.

Starting a bath or shower when you KNOW someone needs the bathroom is a shitty thing to do (so to speak). YANBU.

M4J4 · 30/11/2018 18:27

Seems a bit controlling to me. If they know what time you get home from work they should've had one before.
Are there other problems with this person, OP?

^^ This

They're clearly staking a claim on the bathroom. Does this person do other crap like this.

Are they just sat on their arse every day or are they actually a SAHM/WFH?

Oddbins · 30/11/2018 18:34

I'd call up if I thought someone might be planning on a bath or shower and I needed the bathroom as I was going out.

It's not controlling it's making people aware that it's needed

I think the issue is that the OP resents that her dad's new partner has moved in.

CaliHummers · 30/11/2018 18:35

I totally understand. Unless you've had a step parent it all just seems petty to get wound up by a comment, but it's not as simple as that.

I don't know about the step parent relationship but I do know what it's like to be around a deeply manipulative person. Little things become a wearing battleground because every little thing could be a dig, or not. And they know that in isolation these things look totally innocuous so people will say "oh it's nothing, why are you such a drama queen?" So then you're wrong footed because you start questioning yourself, which is exactly what the manipulative arse wants.

But it is impossible to know from the OP's very brief description what is going on here. And I think when you're in your 20s, as difficult as property is at the moment, it's probably time to move out of the parental home. Yes it costs more money, but it may well be worth it to get away from a stressful situation that's unlikely to change.

Jux · 30/11/2018 18:35

So is there bad blood between you?

ILoveHumanity · 30/11/2018 18:39

Sounds like you have a sensitive situation with your step parent OP.

It’s not easy.. there might be a back story and you might have feelings that are unprocessed.

Yes it’s annoying d she knew you weee going toilet but perhaps she was just saying it so that you can be quick.. it’s also harder for him/her to move in with someone.

But u sound like there might be a backstory or unprocessed feelings. I hope you can get through them soon

reallyanotherone · 30/11/2018 18:41

In my house that would be code for 'please don't have a shit and stink the place out!

Yep, ours too. We have two toilets so it would be reminder to use the one not in the same room as the shower.

Alternatively it may also mean “is there enough hot water”. So either don’t use it all or boost the immersion for an hour.

Or it may mean i want a shower so don’t hole yourself up in the ensuite where the shower is, use the other bathroom.

Noting entitled, just informing so people can consider others.

Allaboutmeandyou · 30/11/2018 18:44

Having a shower when he wants to and not when you want him to. WTF you call him controlling for wanting a shower before he went out in the evening.

They're clearly staking a claim on the bathroom. Does this person do other crap like this.

Are you intentionally trying to wind up the op and cause friction in her house hold tonight and possibly the rest of the weekend.

FoodGloriousFud · 30/11/2018 18:51

You come across as quite immature. At the end of the day it's their home too, as adults maybe organise a bathroom rota if that's what it takes?!

DianaT1969 · 30/11/2018 18:58

This is an annoying thread. The OP answers the questions she wants to and ignores the others. One line answers that don't clarify anything. Why post?
We get it, you moved back in with a parent (mother?) and are paying her a low rent while you save up. She lives with her partner of 5 years. You don't like him being there. You aren't a great communicator, so telling him you understand he wants a shower before he goes out but you need to use the bathroom quickly - that's a struggle for you. Good luck saving up so that you can have your own place soon.

PuppyMonkey · 30/11/2018 19:04

I’m a bit lost here. Hope it all turned out ok in the end though.

Holidayshopping · 30/11/2018 19:04

Move out and get your own place.

Why don’t you actually properly answer the questions that people have bothered to respond to.

Livedandlearned2 · 30/11/2018 19:31

Calihummers sums it up perfectly.

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