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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s rude to tell someone going into a bathroom you’re about to have a shower

188 replies

catlovingdoctor · 30/11/2018 16:34

Got home after work and went to use the bathroom. Relative says from downstairs “I’m gonna have a shower now”. AIBU to think it’s a bit impolite/ almost trying to be controlling?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/11/2018 16:54

How exactly did they know you were walking towards the bathroom from downstairs?

Jakethekid · 30/11/2018 16:54

This is obviously deeper than someone saying they need a shower. It seems like you feel pushed out and that your step parent is overstepping the mark, which is fair enough for you to feel, however I think you need to address this now before it gets worse for you/them/your parent.

If you let it simmer it'l soon boil over.

Birdsgottafly · 30/11/2018 16:56

You shouldn't move put, unless asked to by the owner of the house.

I think you've got to adjust to this new set up.

It isn't a sign of maturity that you've quoted how long you've lived there. That's irrelevant. Your Parent has got a Partner and you've now got to sort outvliving arrangements, like Adults, as equals.

It wasn't rude. It might be inconvenient to you, but it isn't your house.

I treat living with my Adult DD as a house share with mutual respect.

DonaldDucksTowel · 30/11/2018 16:56

Ey?!

user1471517900 · 30/11/2018 16:57

"No worries, I won't be long"
pee
"Cheers, bathroom is free"

starts thread about actual issue

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/11/2018 16:57

I agree with what @Jakethekid is saying. To start a thread over this suggests something more because it really is a non issue.

Your comment about being there for 20 years longer than they have also suggests a lot.

MissingSummer · 30/11/2018 16:58

You haven't mentioned what you were going to do in the bathroom? A 20 second wee or a 2 hour-long bath? It makes a bit of difference.

flintfoxy · 30/11/2018 16:59

Presumably this is your step parent so it's there home so there rules/wants etc come before yours? Do you pay rent? As an adult if you don't like it move out.

Original poster
catlovingdoctor · 30/11/2018 16:59

I was only mentioning I’d lived here for 20 years longer because someone commented asking whose house it was, so I was just explaining the step parent doesn’t have an inherent right over it on account of owning the house/etc.

OP posts:
lynnepot · 30/11/2018 17:00

YANBU. Who does she think she is to steak claim to use of the bathroom before anyone. First come first serve I say. Unless she has put a towel over the bathroom door handle in a German holidaymaker sun lounger style Grin

Valasca · 30/11/2018 17:01

Yeah but you won’t be living there for the next 20 years and he will.

Original poster
catlovingdoctor · 30/11/2018 17:02

No, not their house. My other parent’s house and my home since I was born. Step parent moved in.

OP posts:
diddl · 30/11/2018 17:03

" step parent doesn’t have an inherent right over it on account of owning the house/etc."

But neither do you?

I'm guessing that there's more at play as I would have assumed that they were telling you so that you didn't have a shower/bath, not that you couldn't use the loo.

KittensAndCake · 30/11/2018 17:03

For reference they’d been off work all day and I’d just come in after work. I think I just find it a bit entitled?

Seems a bit controlling to me. If they know what time you get home from work they should've had one before.
Are there other problems with this person, OP?

ADastardlyThing · 30/11/2018 17:03

They probably thought you were going for a banging shit or a shower yourself so just gave you a heads up.

Total non issue, unless there's a drip feed a-comin in 5......4........3.........2.........

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2018 17:05

Perhaps he or she (don't know why you refer to them as 'they') thought you were going to have a shit?

masterandmargarita · 30/11/2018 17:06

I agree that's annoying

Nousernameforme · 30/11/2018 17:07

Do you pay rent?

Do you have a habit of using all the hot water?
How long has the step parent been involved in your life?
Does your parent know you dislike them?
So many things need to be answered before i can say YABU or not

lynnepot · 30/11/2018 17:07

Yeah but what happens if she did need a poo? Is she supposed to wait for step parent to shower? How long will that be? Some people can take 20 minutes to have a shower whilst poor OP's bum is almost giving birth to a log.

KittensAndCake · 30/11/2018 17:08

step parent doesn’t have an inherent right over it on account of owning the house/etc.

But neither do you?

Yes she does, this has been her home for over 20 years, presumably since being a child. A step parent can't move in and start throwing their weight around.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2018 17:08

Yeah she might've been able to hang on a bit longer lynnepot

On the other hand she might not, but it's not unreasonable for the person planning a shower, to mention it.

flintfoxy · 30/11/2018 17:08

Your home since you were born but primarily your parents home. I don't believe in a home for life I think children should be raised in a happy and secure home but see my job as setting them on the way to striking out on their own when ready.

SleepWarrior · 30/11/2018 17:09

Whether they are being unreasonable depends entirely on their tone and the state of your relationship. The words themselves are not unreasonable as they are just informing you of their intent.

If they stomped to the bottom of the stairs and growled up at you "oi, I'm about to have a shower", meaning get away from the bathroom it's mine, then yes they sound horrible.

I'd let it go as it sounds more about the dynamic between them and you and less about the actual bathroom business.

WrongSideOfHistory · 30/11/2018 17:10

I know someone who had a shower early evening and another family member made a point of going for a stinky shit just before they did.

They probably thought that they may be a while in the shower, so they'd better go beforehand (only one toilet), but it was really unpleasant for the showerer.

Could something like that be going on??

OliviaStabler · 30/11/2018 17:12

Depends what you were going in there for. Maybe they had planned a shower and change of clothes and were then going straight out.

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