H2b no longer wants to get married

[IACGMOOH]

Whirlwind of emotions here so be kind.
Back in January we had a registry office and reception venue booked, whole thing was going to be no more than £600 but the reception venue done us over and we had no choice but to cancel it. Before I had booked this though, h2b did say he'd rather wait until we were in a better financial position. We lightly discussed it but I went ahead and booked it
In may, we found a new venue. The contract wasn't signed until July however, due to get married in October and now it's come out that h2b is in a bad strop about the whole thing, doesn't want to do it as it's too expensive, doesn't want to take any interest in it and I'm just so sad.
I feel like I've pushed him into something he didn't want aibu? I don't know what to do now!

Cancel the ceremony and either lose the deposit or change to having a general party. Both people should actively want to get married. I'd also give him back the ring and tell him to propose when he actually wants to get married.

It's not just the ceremony money we'd be losing, we've booked and paid for the registrar, the photographer, make up, my dress!!, the cake, all the invitations

I would cancel. You have pushed him into something he didn't want. It won't end well if you marry someone who will resent you because of the wedding

How long do you think the marriage will last if you partner feels like he's been pushed into it?

'Because we have already spent the money' isn't a good enough reason to tie yourselves together for life.

If he isn't sure, don't take that step.

h2b did say he'd rather wait until we were in a better financial position. We lightly discussed it but I went ahead and booked it

Sorry OP, but I think this one's mostly on you. He did tell you he wanted to wait. BUT he should have perhaps expressed himself better or talked louder.

My worry is that he wasn't ready get married anyway and has now used the financial reason/you going ahead anyway as a justifiable reason.

I would also have a proper conversation about where your relationship is heading and if he wants to get married at all. Sorry.

Either way, cancel the ceremony.

Stuff it all. It's heartbreaking and I'm so sorry but you absolutely don't want to end up either him not turning up on the day, or you divorcing within the month

Postpone. 💐

I know you're right but it's so hard to see beyond that atm, all I'm seeing is all the money gone

If October next year you still have time to cancel and get some money back. Sounds as if you completely failed to take his needs and choices into account which is no way to start a marriage. Maybe you need to rethink your future.

The money spent is irrelevant. It's gone already so don't give it another thought. Please trust me when I say marrying him will big a massive mistake. Who knows what his issues truly are, but it's clear you can't trust him and the way he has been fucking you about is disgraceful. Leave him and move on.

How the hell did it get to you booking all those without him speaking up? Or at least giving you an indication?

It sucks, but you're going to have to cancel if he doesn't want to get married.

Have you asked him point blank if he does it not?

Keep the dress. Keep what can be used again (for now)

Don't push it - you won't keep him if he's trying to escape marriage. If he just needs time he will get there

Cancel it. He doesnt want to get married. Better to cancel then to marry and divorce in a few months. Sorry OP.

Because he hasn't spoken about any of the wedding which probably should have been an indication that he didn't want it. I just assumed that most partners aren't heavily involved in the planning and went on my merry way to plan it all.
I know the money is gone, but it feels like a horrible waste with nothing to show for it. I feel sick

From experience, don't do it just because you've paid for it.
I've been your H2B (W) and it made me really muleish about the marriage. Think if the marriage not the wedding. One lasts a day and costs a lot. The other should be forever.

Thing is if he really wanted to marry you, why postpone when things are already booked and paid for? No you shouldn’t have booked without his expressed consent, but it’s done now and it sounds like he wants to stall to get out of the whole thing

I’m not one for saying leave.. but I’m in a similar position, except we have spent no money. Mine talks about getting married but spends silly money (that we have-not an issue alone) on other stuff but hasn’t been on a ring. Which is fine and totally his choice but I want a wedding, I want to get married.. I like experiences and I want to experience it.. im giving it another year or so tbh. It’s important to me and he knows it. He’s ducking you about and you don’t need that shit

I’m curious to see how a relationship would continue following one partner backing out of the wedding. You luckily have enough time to cancel and let everyone know, it sounds like a case of serious cold feet to me.

Were you forbidden from even talking about it op?

If you said... I've booked the photographer.. what did he say?

That's the thing outpinked, if he actually says to me he doesn't want to get married next year, I don't think we've got any hope of a relationship continuing. I feel like in my heart, I feel like it's already over

I don't even know what I'm saying, wtf is happening😭

Hey OP, is it all your money which has gone on it, or have you half and halfed?

Totally agree with PPs that the money isn’t a good enough reason to go ahead, really sorry :( but maybe he doesn’t know exactly how much would be gone, if he is still wanting to get married but maybe wanting to delay it?

You need to be planning a wedding and marriage together, you should not be "going ahead and booking it" after a light discussion.

Good advice above to give ring back.

It is, you clearly want very different things.

I think you should worry more about you being willing to marry someone who you can't and don't see an issue with, not communicating.

He doesn't want to Marry you and hasn't been able to say that to you.