to not want to be responsible for sharing photos of DD with PIL.. or is this my wifely duty now?

[Zooples]

I take most of the photos in our family (on my phone, happy snaps so we have something to remember, I am NOT a photographer in any sense of the word) so I hold the main album of pictures of our daughter. DH doesn't think to take them, so it's basicaly an album of him and dd (oh and some me/dd selfies), which I have raised with him but he 'forgets' to reciprocate.. urgh.

Anyway that's not my aibu. I regularly send photos of dd to my family (parents and db) who live close by. His family live abroad (where we used to live, and we moved to my home town recenty). I get on fine with his side, but I see it as his responsibility to keep up communication with them rather than it becoming my 'wifely' duty.

He asked me again today to send a bunch that I'd sent to him and my family (on a group whatsapp with my parents, brother and dh), and while I did do it, I later said to him that I don't think it's my role to do that and he should just send them on. He used the excuse that he doesn't have as many photos to send, to which I said he has all of the ones I share with my side. He's gotten in a huff and seems to think it's not a big deal, but I think it's just another thing I will have to do forever more and I fundamentally just don't think its my job.

He NEVER sent pictures to my side of the family when we lived in his country, even when he's looked after her as primary parent for a while. So it clearly doesn't go both ways. Why should this now be my responsibility?

AIBU to dig my heels in here, or should I just get over it and become the household comms director?

I'm with you. It's his responsibility. I have an android phone so DP and I can share our photos with each other via Google. Can you set that up (or something similar) then he can forward on your photos to his family

Yanbu. Same here, DH rarely does it, and if I don't, we get stroppy messages about how there's been no photos. Curses to the invention of technology

If you've sent them to him on whatsapp then he can just forward them on can't he?

If he didn’t ‘forget’ to reciprocate and actually took some photos of his wife and child he’d have something to share wouldn’t he.

It’s wife work, and I’d be ‘forgetting’ about it

If you're sending the photos to him on Whatsapp anyway then let him send them on to his own family. Is he too lazy to download them and forward them on?

Do you think it's in your dd's interest to have a good relationship with your inlaws?. It wouldn't be your fault if she doesn't because your dh cant be bothered to maintain it but it will be the outcome if he doesnt step up.

YANBU. I occasionally send pictures to my in-laws - if the kids are wearing an outfit they bought them or whatever but I don’t send as many pics as I would to my own parents. I think that’s normal. If your DH wants his family to get regular pics it’s up to him to remember to send them.

You must be new to MN.

Why not just create a 'grandparents' whatsapp group? Stick both sets of grandparents in there, and then there's no complexity around photo sharing. Then equally he will probably send pictures he takes to that group instead of just his family and everybody gets included.

Oh FFS

“Dig your heels in” over something like this?

Grow the heck up OP. Life’s too short.

I am torn over this. When DS was tiny I sent lots of pictures to ex’s parents. They loved it. Now Ex is more involved, I don’t send any at all, so they don’t get any. He has also suggested I send pictures, but think it isn’t my responsibility. Sad for them though. If it is just copying them into an email I would do it when I remember

We have lifecake, I upload the photos to one place and then everyone can see them (invite only)

I don't feel like it's my wifely duty though, I just like sharing pictures of dd and having a record of her growing up.

Yeah, if they were only on your phone he might have a tiny bit of a point but since you've already sent them to him he hasn't.

I do send my PILs pictures of DS, and I have to say I really like how much closer we are since I had him. However, fairly soon I'm going back to work and DH will be at home with DS and I fully expect him to send pictures to my family, and will be quite cross/hurt if he doesn't. As you say, if he's expecting you to do it it really should go both ways.

I agree, he can literally forward the lot of them to his family and siblings. But I think it's because we are in some whatsapp groups together that he sees there's already a line of communication there so I can 'just do it'. He doesn't see how he could also 'just do it' and they're not my parents.

He's pretty busy with work, long hours etc, but I think he probably has 15 seconds every few days at most to do this..

gemmefatale you're right there. I'll store that away for the next conversation...

Meh. It's a bit annoying but in all honesty I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about something that will take you all of two seconds. Set up another WhatsApp group with his family (or whatever social media they use) and whack them on there.
And for what it's worth, I've been on the receiving end of a SIL who very much takes the view that her husband's side of the family (my DH and his parents and other sibling, plus nieces and nephews including my kids) are not her blood family, so she really doesn't give a shit about them (unless it's to her benefit - eg free childcare). Doesn't take a blind bit of interest in any of them otherwise. It's hurtful and nasty.

YANBU on your DH's thinking of 'woman job', that would get my goat.

What we have is a Google photos shared album, you can add people on, everyone can see the album and get alerts when it's updated with new photos and also upload their own too. If you're taking photos on your phone or tablet you can send them to the shared album with one click too.

My husband is similar he just doesn't think. I send lots of pics of my DD to my inlaws because they love receiving them and send me lovely messages of thanks.

It wouldn't kill you to send them some photos of your baby. I can't get my head around this mentality tbh.

DIL sends me photos of my GC most weeks even though we see all of them very regularly, as she's the one that takes most of them. It's a nice thing to do, she knows I appreciate it.

Personally I would do it. It's not hard work, just pressing a few buttons on your phone.

workreturner I agree, life is too short to be making sure I've regularly update his parents on their GDs comings and goings.. I wouldn't get so wound up about it only he's had a real go at me about it now and is angry, so I wanted some perspective on whether I am bu. You think I am, so there we are!

Can't see why you wouldn't just share the photos once to everyone who is interested in one go really ...

If this is the only thing where he doesn’t pull his weight and contribute, then I’d just suck it up and do the nice thing. However, if it’s more of a case that he doesn’t get involved or help with anything that he thinks is “wife work” then I wouldn’t do it. I’d be having a long chat about taking responsibility as a parent.

No I think this is worth digging your heels in. As you said theres no reciprocity. He doesnt do it for your parents, why on earth should you do it for his? There shpuld be an equal division of emotional labour. Do you get birthday cards or presents for his side?

I don't send them anymore, only really to SIL as I get on with her well.

My family have a group chat so i send it there, but whenever I would send things to the in laws, all I would get in response is thank you, when will DH be visiting us or when will DH be free to bring DD round.

After that I gave up.

I don't think you are. I have the same problem

Surely if you send pics you are often expected to respond to the flattering responses so it's more than just a pic.