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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave an 11 year old alone with a sleeping baby for 5 minutes

365 replies

user1494844391 · 30/11/2018 12:01

DD1 (21) has an 8 week old baby girl with an ex boyfriend who is not involved. The last 8 weeks have been okay, DD struggled a bit but that's to be expected, being a new single mum. We have had DGD at ours a couple of nights a week and that has helped DD to cope. Yesterday DD dropped DGD off at lunchtime, as she was going to a friends birthday lunch and they were all planning on having a few drinks, nowhere near to the point of getting drunk or anything, but DD thought baby would be better off with me anyway. DH was at work and DD2 (11) was off school due to a twisted ankle she got the day before while walking the dog. It was about an hour after DGD had been dropped off and she was sound asleep in her basket in the living room. I smelt that her nappy needed changing but when I checked her bag that DD had left I realized there were no nappies in there, DD had forgotten. The corner shop is a 2 minute walk away, so I decided to go there to get some. I didn't want to wake DGD up as she looked so peaceful. I figured DD1 would be okay to watch her for 5 minutes while I went to the shop for 5 minutes. DGD was unlikely to wake up, and DD11 is trustworthy enough to stay downstairs and keep an eye on her for such a short amount of time. I gave her a quick rundown, don't disturb baby, but stay in the room until I get back. I told her to phone me straight away if she noticed baby had gone a funny colour/stopped breathing etc just to be on the safe side. Off I went, and I get back to find DD1 had returned early.

DD1 was horrified. She said she got to the bar with her friends and felt like she was just a downer to them as she was so tired and couldn't relate to anything they were talking about so made an excuse to leave. She'd come straight to mine to collect baby only to find me gone and baby alone with DD2. DD2 said she explained I had only nipped to the shop but DD1 was furious. DD1 called me an awful mother and grandmother, claimed I put DGD in a dangerous situation and said "What were you thinking leaving a baby alone with a kid?". I was shocked at this reaction. DD2 is very mature for her age and DD1 has said that to me herself before. But she was so angry at the idea of DD2 being alone with her baby for 5 minutes. If it had been 30 minutes or even 15 it would be a completely different situation but for 5 minutes while the baby is sleeping and DD2 is a metre away from her watching? I feel it is a complete overreaction.

DD1 took baby and left. I haven't heard from her since despite me trying to ring her. DH agrees DD2 has made an issue over nothing and has told me she will come round, saying it's just hormones and lack of sleep. But I'm starting to question if I have messed up. DD2 has been very upset, she feels like her sister doesn't trust her with her niece and DD2 is devastated as she has always been so close with her sister.

WIBU?

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 01/12/2018 20:24

Yadnbu do mothers these days constantly watch over their babies or do they actually go into other rooms for more than 5minutes without them.

Ilovealexa · 01/12/2018 21:11

Wish you hadn’t mentioned DD1 age as people are being harsher on her than if she’d been in her 30s.

freshfoodpeople · 02/12/2018 01:02

YANBU

It sounds like DD1 needs to step up and stop dumping her two month old on you so often. The situation wouldn't' have even arisen if she'd remembered to pack some nappies in the first place.

LittleLlamaontheduskyroad · 02/12/2018 02:25

At 8 weeks old, my DC wouldn't have even woken up if I took them out of the moses basket etc and put them in the pram to take them to the shop. I'd have either done that, or sent 11 year old to the shop.

Sorry OP, I wouldn't have been happy if it was my baby, or if you were my DM.

SoleBizzz · 02/12/2018 02:28

YANBU total overreaction..

MulledwineMayhem · 02/12/2018 02:40

Yanbu

Mummytowooter · 02/12/2018 08:31

I think whatever you had done wouldnt have been right here OP 😢. Sounds like you
Just can’t win. But you did what you had to at the time. I hope it all works out for you 💐

Mummadeeze · 02/12/2018 08:35

I am v overprotective of my daughter but even I would have been okay with the situation you have described. She is lucky to have you and her niece helping and should appreciate it.

madbarty · 02/12/2018 08:51

Serisouly? Nobody else suspects this is a reverse AIBU?

I have a feeling you are the daughter OP and if I'm right then you have overreacted.

WaxOnFeckOff · 02/12/2018 08:54

Does it matter if it's a reverse or not? My reply would be the same either way.

Obi73 · 02/12/2018 09:42

Poor you damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You did what you thought was right at the time - you were under instructions from DD1 and followed them,

I personally don’t see what the big deal is, you were gone a very short time and the baby was asleep. Let the dust and hormones settle and try speaking to DD1 again.

busybarbara · 02/12/2018 09:55

People on here were arguing that leaving a baby in a car at a petrol station is okay the other day and this situation is far safer so YADNBU

beanaseireann · 02/12/2018 09:55

YANBU
Your DD 1 is.
Total over reaction by her.
You were getting nappies for her child because she forgot and the baby needed changing.
An 11 year old is quite capable of minding a sleeping baby for five minutes.
Your DD1 needs to grow up and appreciate the help you giver her.

Laci · 02/12/2018 09:59

Currently sat on the sofa with my 6 week old DS. I've left him with my 7 year old DSD before whilst in the shower. She's amazing, and very grown up for her age. She adores her brother and knew to sit still and shout up to me if she needed help. I wouldn't have a problem with what you did, at all, especially if 11 year old is very sensible!

BUT! I don't think you should be upset, or too hard on baby's mum. I've had days where I want to their baby out the window (not really but you know...), but I've also had very anxious days where I don't even like DH having him on his own (ridiculous I know! Not because I don't trust DH, it's purely instinctual to not want to be away from my son). She's 8 weeks PP which is still quite a vulnerable time. We forget this sometimes. I've found that for the first 2 weeks people were constantly asking how I was. I was so happy that I honestly came across as fine. Now I'm 6 weeks PP, nobody asks anymore and I'm actually starting to feel very anxious, very down and not myself.

She's probably sleep deprived, anxious about being away from her baby, recovering from birth still etc etc.

Tough one but I would let this one go...

Tweez · 02/12/2018 10:25

YANBU - in my opinion, you did the right thing.

ichifanny · 02/12/2018 10:28

I wouldn’t even leave my 2 month old with my 14 year old for 5 minutes sleeping or not , anyway it’s irrelevenant as the babies mother isnt happy with it and it’s her opinion that counts I’m afraid .

BertrandRussell · 02/12/2018 11:02

"I wouldn’t even leave my 2 month old with my 14 year old for 5 minutes sleeping or not"
If your 14 year old is NT then you've made a pretty crap job of bringing him or her up, frankly.

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2018 11:12

it’s irrelevant as the babies mother isn't happy with it and it’s her opinion that counts I’m afraid

If you don't allow the person you've left your child with to make decisions then don't leave them. You can't give rules for every eventuality.

AlaskanOilBaron · 02/12/2018 11:40

If your 14 year old is NT then you've made a pretty crap job of bringing him or her up, frankly.

Yep. My 12 year old is more than capable of looking after an 8 week old with a bit of macro-supervision, I looked after my neighbour's infant of about the same age and he was absolutely delighted to jiggle/coo support head etc while I did some housework.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/12/2018 11:47

I usually take the side of the mother but in this case I think you made the best decision you could in the circumstances.

This baby is pretty young to be left for such long periods by their mum. Is she getting help for PND?

Bigonesmallone3 · 02/12/2018 11:52

I would be PISSED if that was my baby..
Sorry..

greeneyedlulu · 02/12/2018 12:02

You did the right thing and your dd1 is just being emotional.
Everyone saying the baby is only 8 weeks old.... Yeah and what? Do you not have showers, go to the loo, leave baby sleeping while you flop on the sofa downstairs etc?
The baby was safely sleeping and being watched by a sensible 11 year for 5 minutes... not all day..... 5 minutes!!
And if your dd1 had provided the nappies in the first place then all would have been ok.
She'll come round.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/12/2018 12:23

To be fair they do put the fear of God into you over the recommendation of baby always sleeping with an adult until 6 months.

AlaskanOilBaron · 02/12/2018 12:27

To be fair they do put the fear of God into you over the recommendation of baby always sleeping with an adult until 6 months.

Which is impractical and hysterical. How many hours a day does a newborn sleep, 20? What are you meant to be guarding against, and is it possible to do this in your sleep?

SnuggyBuggy · 02/12/2018 12:28

Of course it's impractical, they just give you the fear but no useful practical advice on how to implement the recommendation.