To let my 10 year old DS take a mental health day off school

[Oopupsideyourhead]

10 year old DS has had several emotional meltdowns this week - he’s overwhelmed by school and very with out with year 6- I think he’s feeling the pressure.
I let him take a day off today- he’s in bed upstairs with a cup of tea looking much happier.
It’s his first day off since sept so was I being unreasonable to let him stay home? I feel guilty in terms of it being an important year but he really needed it

ravenmum

I agree completely with what you have said.

I was quite anxious at school, very academic, followed the rules, a bit of a perfectionist etc especially at primary. I'm not like that now. 😀

I have two children, one is very much like I was at school and one is the total opposite. I have to tell one to chill out, not worry etc and tell the other one to do more and take things more seriously. Chalk and cheese!

I wonder how many days off Scandiwegian primary kids take every year due to the stress and pressure of their exam system?

The problem isn't your son and what he does or does not learn from a single day off. The problem is endemic in the top-down enforced culture in education that exam results = intelligence = life chances.

Good for you, he's ten and his mental health is more important than pointless practice of inconsequential tests. He will remember as an adult that you were sensitive to his needs far more than he will remember his SATs scores.

In the nicest possible way, why do you care what any of us think? You have done what you thought was best for your son today, only you can make that call, not us. He’s happier today as a result of your actions and you’re going to discuss how he’s feeling with the school so perhaps long-term strategies can be put in place. Don’t give it another thought, stop feeling guilty and go and enjoy the rest of the day with your son

why do you care what any of us think?
What is this?! How dare you question the fundamental principle of AIBU! Traitor to the Mumsnet community!

I have done this on one or two occasions. YANBU.

I've just rolled my eyes so hard. Better to teach him how to cope with stress as opposed to just avoiding it completely.

Isn't taking a day off a way of coping with stress?

I wouldn't have done this.
Sets completely the wrong precedent.

ravenmum hahahahaha . Sorry

My DH's employers have started offering MH days to their employees during really hard deadlines and tough projects. It's so refreshing!

Good on you OP for recognising and supporting your sons need for some mental downtime.

Isn't taking a day off a way of coping with stress?

It is, but in the same way that drinking and drug use are ways of coping with mental I'll health - they alleviate the short term problem but may not be helpful in the longer term.

Really it is better to help people to (for example) identify automatic negative thoughts and challenge these, not to engage in catastrophic thinking, practice grounding or mindfulness etc. Because they are better ways of coping that work in both the long and short term.

Obviously there are times when people need time off to recover from mental ill health or trauma, but I don't think it is generally a good habit to get into as a way if coping with stress.

That's a rather bizarre comparison. I can take a day off every now and then for the rest of my life without doing myself any harm. The same probably isn't true of drink or drugs, although if it's only occasional I probably could. The issue would be that using drink and drugs is addictive, and I'm not sure having a rest day is addictive.

Yanbu. Mine's had a few, he can't cope with school sometimes. He doesn't take the mickey and teaching them to cope is a bazillion times easier said than done. Especially if there are underlying issues.

I think it's great that you notice his needs. I would look at how you can support this at Secondary school when he misses a day and has to catch up. There is a lot of pressure on children

This method is not sustainable over the long term Secondary and employment. Try and find other ways of supporting his mental health (a sporting activity, hobby etc)

I'm not sure having a rest day is addictive.

Hmm sorry but that comment really made me think. I think that there are people out there who can disagree with that comment and would say they love it at home. My brother made out he had MH issues this year to get out of working. The little prick.

My views On this haven't changed.
I still don't think it's in appropriate for op's DS to take a day off.

if the build up to SAT's was that stressful then op should've discussed this with the teacher before.

and certainly not had a day off, and then lied about it saying that he had a virus.

Not many people are disagreeing with you and I don't think there is anything wrong with what you posted. She did come across as defensive when all she had to do was brush you off and behave like she don't give a shit what you think of her. Its anonymous on here no one knows who she is.

I've just rolled my eyes so hard. Better to teach him how to cope with stress as opposed to just avoiding it completely

I think the “rolling eye” culture is for a lot of people how stress escalates.

That's what the weekend is for.

Grinning and bearing is no good for your mh in the long term.
Better to teach our children there's nothing wrong with being human once in a while and not setting them up for a life of misery.
How many people either hate their job or are disillusioned, just carry on regardless because they need the money.
Teach them it's ok to not want to do something or it's fine to have a rest, when things get too much.

Is there a reason that you didn’t say ‘only one more day honey. You can have a big lie in tomorrow and we will have a relaxing weekend. Two whole days off to look forward to!’
How heavily scheduled is he at weekends?

at eye rolling. My 14 year old dd has just grown out of this.

I think YABU and agree with Hisaishi

I think YABU and agree with Hishaishi