Page 11 | To let my 10 year old DS take a mental health day off school

Oopupsideyourhead · 2018-11-30T10:35:18+00:00

10 year old DS has had several emotional meltdowns this week - he’s overwhelmed by school and very with out with year 6- I think he’s feeling the pressure. I let him take a day off today- he’s in bed upstairs with a cup of tea looking much happier. It’s his first day off since sept so was I being unreasonable to let him stay home? I feel guilty in terms of it being an important year but he really needed it [confused]

Hisaishi · 01/12/2018 08:53

"broken and joyless"
"treated as a heinous crime"

Drama much?

No one is saying he should be told to put up and shut up. But if things are going to be exactly the same on Monday, how the hell is a day off helping?

People are deliberately misconstruing what is being said. Ridiculous people.

Uaresoreasonable · 01/12/2018 08:58

Totally agree with you worlybear

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/12/2018 08:58

You have sent the right message OP
That mental stress is just as important as feeling sick

It’s been a tough term for my DC too

Make him rest and do some homework

Hope he feels better

WhoKnewBeefStew · 01/12/2018 08:59

As a 1 off it’s fine but you need to be careful it’s not a downward spiral.

Talking as someone who’s suffered anxiety, he will be all happy on the day off, but with anything anxiety related, the pressure will build over the weekend and by Sunday pm it’ll be worse as a result of him having Friday off. Anxiety needs to be met head on, not facing fears is a temporary solution, but it’s a short term gain, which will result in long term pain if it happens too often.

mamaduckbone · 01/12/2018 09:01

YANBU, but I would be questioning why the school are putting so much pressure on that you feel the need to do this. They really shouldn’t be piling on so much SATs practice this early in the year. (Speaking as a year 6 teacher)

ForAMinuteThere · 01/12/2018 09:03

I agree with you OP and allow mine to do it sometimes. They are more productive for it. It also shows them that you've got their back and if the going gets tough in high school, they can come to you and you'll listen.

startingafresh1 · 01/12/2018 09:12

For my DC this would be the start of a slippery slope but I appreciate this is not the case for every child.

It seems strange for OP to state that this is her DS' first day off since September- he's presumably had every weekend off, half term, possibly an inset day or two, and every afternoon after approx 3pm.

Honestlyofficer · 01/12/2018 09:48

I remember as a child, just feeling completely overwhelmed at the thought of going to school one particular day. No tests or papers due.. It was just a wave of fear and uncertainty.
My Mother let me stay home and the next day I went to school with no problems. I just needed processing space I think.

Your son sounds like he needs the same thing and I think that you are obviously a Mother tuned into your son. It doesn't matter what a bunch of strangers on the internet think. Well done.

Calvinsmam · 01/12/2018 09:52

I’ve just had a bug where I couldn’t pin point the physical symptoms but I was sooooo tired and the tiredness mad me weepy and achy.
Sometimes your when your body is fighting an infection you get really down, maybe he had a bug?

elliejjtiny · 01/12/2018 10:25

Yanbu although I imagine the school won't be happy about it. My ds2 is the same age and has been sent home from school a few times because he is exhausted and crying but only after the register has been taken so it doesn't affect his attendance .

I never understand how some people get away with term time holidays and days out. My sons school gives us the 3rd degree when we take our boys out for medical appointments and we get letters saying the ewo will be involved it it doesn't improve. We try and time it so they aren't during register time but mostly we don't have a choice.

startingafresh1 · 01/12/2018 10:47

Is a weekend not suitable for a mental health day? Or a duvet afternoon after school at 3.30pm?

Lamenameagain · 01/12/2018 11:07

You know your son best but it was a slippery slope for me as a child and I have pointedly not allowed my kids to do it.

My daughter suffers with a lot of anxiety like me and she hated the time in year six when she had SAT's but she had no time off. Instead we did a lot of talking through her issues and tried to acknowledge the stress but not allow her to catastrophize which she is prone to doing.

Anxiety is horrible but rewarding it by allowing time out from situations that cause it will usually exacerbate the issue. So as a one off I think it should be fine but I would probably not do it again.

jacks11 · 01/12/2018 11:10

*I really don't care for this new faddy 'Mental health day' phrase that's become so popular.

You've done the wrong thing imo OP, because what happens the next time he's too 'worn out' to go to school?

Learning to be resilient is a very important part of growing up. He needs to know that if he has issues at school, you're there to support him by way of contacting the school to help sort them out.

He doesn't need to learn that whenever he's too tired or emotional to go to school, he can have a 'mental health day' off school.*

I have to say I agree with worra though suspect that won't be a popular viewpoint.

If you really did have to let him have today off, you should have told the school why as lying about the reason he's off doesn't set a good precedence to your DS on two fronts: 1) that feeling stressed is something you shouldn't talk about ; and 2) you haven't really tackled the issues which are causing him to feel stressed- school can't even attempt to help if they don't know there's a problem.

I'm not saying mental health isn't important, or that you should always "get on with it" but taking the odd day out for "mental health days" makes something of a mockery of actual mental health problems which are not solved by a day in bed. What you're saying is your tired/stressed and would rather not go in that day. If you really are so stressed that you need a day off, you actually need to address the underlying issue rather than take a day off.

tomhazard · 01/12/2018 11:21

In some ways I don't think yabu - it's tough to see your kids suffer when you think you have a solution that is pretty simple like a duvet day.

But, I do think perhaps you are treating the effect rather cause here and you need to look at the underlying issue rather than just treating the symptom.

Why is he at the point where his mental health is suffering at 10 years old is the question I would be asking. What is the approach of the school and are what are their senior team doing to ensure good mental health around the SATS. I would be visiting the head in your shoes to say you are worried about your DS and discuss strategies to ensure he and other students are coping with any pressures being put on them by the school.

Hope he is okay Op

Soontobe60 · 01/12/2018 11:26

I'm primary school Senco. I think that as long as you spend some time with him this weekend talking about what's getting to him at school then you've done the right thing. A child who's an emotional wreck isnt going to learn!
I would go into school and speak to their Senco about this though. Not as in making a big deal about it, but as in asking for advice on how to support his mental wellbeing.
We all need a duvet day from time to time!

Flowerpot2005 · 01/12/2018 11:49

Totally agree with your decision OP.

I agree with others that you need to speak to school, if they are aware of your DS struggling, they can help & support him.

TheBigBangRocks · 01/12/2018 11:58

I'd be speaking to the school to see how they could support but I wouldn't have given the day off I don't think. I'd not want them to think they could skip school whenever it got tough as life is tough at times so coping mechanisms etc would be far more beneficial than avoiding the issue. You just don't take the day off work when it's a hard week.

Helplessfeeling · 01/12/2018 14:13

When they've grown up, you can't just take days of here and there, you just have to find ways of managing and coping with life. If he's struggling with primary school how is he going to cope later on?

The child is 10. He does not have an adult brain, he has a lot of growing to do before he gets there. Having a day off when he is stressed at 10 is not going to affect his adult life.

However OP, I would keep a careful eye on him and if things get worse then please seek help. My DC struggled all through primary school with anxiety. I was always told they would grow out of it. Fast forward to year 9 and they have had a complete breakdown. The recovery is slow and difficult. With hindsight I should have pushed for more help before it happened, but there was a 'just make her get on with it' attitude at their school and they would not help us at all.

Lizzie48 · 01/12/2018 14:42

I'm just thinking how ironic it is. This is a mum who has never by the sound of it done this before, but is seeing that her DS is very worried and upset and has taken action to try and help him. I'd say that it's much less of an issue than parents taking their DC out of school for an overseas holiday for 2 weeks!

I read only recently about an 11 year old girl actually committing suicide. Children that age can have serious MH issues that are not picked up on. So listening to our children when they tell us that they're not coping is very important.

I do think the OP's next course of action should be to talk to her DS's teacher about how he's feeling so they can find ways of helping him to cope.

There's no justification for some of the unkind posts on this thread, though.

MsLexic · 01/12/2018 15:01

Oopupsideyourhead, I don't mean you or your son is odd. I mean I have quite a lot of experience within education and I have actually never encountered a child taking time off school for stress. Not saying it doesn't happen.
Is this stress masking a particular issue? This is all I really meant and probably did not say it the right way.I have known of say, children being bullied and staying at home and there are obviously other circumstances which may trigger a child being exhausted and stressed.

RockinHippy · 01/12/2018 18:29

However OP, I would keep a careful eye on him and if things get worse then please seek help. My DC struggled all through primary school with anxiety. I was always told they would grow out of it. Fast forward to year 9 and they have had a complete breakdown. The recovery is slow and difficult. With hindsight I should have pushed for more help before it happened, but there was a 'just make her get on with it' attitude at their school and they would not help us at all.

This with bells on ^^

Fast forward a few years with my daughter & her anxiety has turned out to be linked to an autonomic nervous system problem. It's a symptom of B12 deficiency, Ehlers Danlos & POTs which she has since gone on to be diagnosed with. At 16, we are now looking at a probable high functioning autism diagnosis too.