To let my 10 year old DS take a mental health day off school

[Oopupsideyourhead]

10 year old DS has had several emotional meltdowns this week - he’s overwhelmed by school and very with out with year 6- I think he’s feeling the pressure.
I let him take a day off today- he’s in bed upstairs with a cup of tea looking much happier.
It’s his first day off since sept so was I being unreasonable to let him stay home? I feel guilty in terms of it being an important year but he really needed it

Tatiana University students are at a lower risk of suicide than other young people their age.

@Tatiana I agree.
What is normal stress for some people and totally acceptable can be too much and illness inducing stress for others.

I wouod be worried about a mental health professional been judgemental in this way tbh.
Where is the unconditional regard, the empathy and non judgement etc... that should be part of how a patient/person is seen?

I tell my kids that sats are a bit of fun and weekends are for chilling

Tatiana I actually agree with much of what you say. The education system has changed and young people are put under far too much stress, and I don't support that.

Obviously children need time to recover if they are suicidal, have disordered eating or whatever. I am less sure about the benefit of having a "mental health day" when they don't have a mental health problem, though. I am worried about encouraging a management of stress where you avoid things rather than deal with them, where you don't learn that some things are difficult but you can generally push forwards and the stress will reduce.

I am increasingly worried about the poor levels of resilience in young adults coming into my profession which stop them from being able to do their job properly.

EtVoila Mental heath professionals also work with people to get them to see that what they are feeling is normal, and how to deal with it. Being a good professional is not about simply validating whatever someone says.

You're his mum, you knew what was best and did it - I think you did the right thing. But it would be good to try to get to the bottom of why he is feeling this way (as I'm sure you are). He's not being bullied, is he?

Of course there will be a section that doesn't agree with this and sees it as a crime against humanity to allow anyone or anything to put a bit of stress on their precious children. You do them no favours. No matter how much you wish it was all unicorns, rainbows and bunnyhops - it ain't and the sooner they realise this the better.

I hope you haven't got children!!

Ive always let my DC have a day off when I think they need it.

They both do well in school and they actually received a national award today for an extracurricular project they did together.

In fact, my DD’s psychologist recommended it as part of her treatment plan for her anxiety. Her exact words were “Sometimes you just need a day at home with Mum”

My DS (9) had Thursday off after two late night school performances, he was completely exhausted. I went in and spoke to his teacher and she said she hadn’t expected to see him in, in fact half the class was off and most of them had only done one night.

We’re not in the UK though, we don’t do ‘attendance records’ here. Their half and end of year reports will just say how many days they’ve had off, that’s it. We’re also allowed to take term time holidays, the kids are just asked to write a travel diary and to read every day

Hope your DS feels better. My DD is at the end of year 6 and it’s been full on!

I wouod be worried about a mental health professional been judgemental in this way tbh.
Where is the unconditional regard, the empathy and non judgement etc... that should be part of how a patient/person is seen?

Those things are very important, but they exist alongside a belief that changing your life choices can often have a huge impact on improving mental health.

I am often in a situation of supporting people with mental health difficulties to make difficult changes to their own thinking patterns and to their lifestyles. The fact that I support people to change doesn't mean I don't hold them in high regard, or that I don't appreciate that most people are doing the best they can with the resources available to them.

I am not fan of the phrase mental health day, but no yanbu for letting him have a duvet day. However it is imperative that you backtrack and tell the school that actually it is not a virus, he is stressed from the pressure of sats. They need to know that they caused this!

You all also need to find a way to help your son with this stress, regular days off obviously won't help so he needs to find another release for the stress. Maybe less activities at the weekend so he can chill or more activities so he has something to look forward to? Only you know the answer to that. Good luck

I'm with stompy. 'Mental health days' do nothing for long-term coping and model avoidance. If something traumatic has happened, it may be appropriate. If it's physical exhaustion, it may be appropriate as a direct response to that. But overall, not a good message in terms of managing stress, especially not just before a weekend, which tbh i felt a bit

I went to one of the most academic + uni in the country and I never experienced the kind of stress and pressure I commonly see among children now.

Can I ask where/how you see this stress among children? Are you a teacher/do you work with kids?

If cases like OP's of 10/11 year olds being so overwhelmed and under pressure at school are commonplace, then I'm not sure I want to send my child to a British school!

No one would think twice about an adult taking a mental health day so why is it different for a 10 year old? Just make sure he doesn’t take advantage of it in the future and it’s fine imo.

There is an enormous difference between being depressed and anxious about life, and being clinically depressed and anxious. Feeling down and struggling because of a bereavement or miscarriage is normal and not a mental health problem.

I understand why you made the decision you did Op but I’m not in the ‘mental health days are great’ camp.

I believe that many stress issues (especially in children as young as 10) come from the belief that they can’t cope with the situation. Perhaps teaching them that they have the ability to cope with most things that come their way is better for them. I get very easily stressed and overwhelmed and I wish my mother had taught me/told me that I could cope rather than mollycoddling me as a child.

Obviously children need time to recover if they are suicidal, have disordered eating or whatever. I am less sure about the benefit of having a "mental health day" when they don't have a mental health problem, though

They may not only need to have time to recover if they are suicidal or anorexic. It’s ok to need down time after stress even if you’re otherwise mentally well.

I’m not advocating bunking school, although I really don’t think a one off matters in this instance. I think down time should be scheduled into children’s programmes, which, with all the after school activities quite apart from academic pressure, are far more hectic than mine ever was.

Will you be doing the same thing when he is in secondary school, when he finds GCSEs a bit of a pressure?

I think all you're doing is teaching him to hide from these pressures at home and not face them and find real ways of coping.

user I would be very hmmm about an adult ringing in sick because they were tired and struggling. IME when adults are signed off sick because of mental health issues, it is a pretty major issue.

Will you be doing the same thing when he is in secondary school, when he finds GCSEs a bit of a pressure?

Well why not?

I think all you're doing is teaching him to hide from these pressures at home and not face them and find real ways of coping.

Is taking a day off not a real way of coping with pressure?

tatania I agree. But that is up to parents not to over programme their kids lives.

I'm not sure, feeling stressed and overwhelmed isn't the same as having a mental illness.

Why is he so stressed?

My Year 11 (age 16) son woke up the other morning with tummy ache. He probably didn't have it really but I let him have the morning off school as he was out of sorts and kind of anxious (100% attendance normally).

I took my other 2 boys to school while he had a nice bath and then I made boiled egg and soldiers which we ate together while we chatted. It turned out he was feeling low about a certain issue which we talked through it was a really positive, mature moment. One that's incredibly rare nowadays.

He seemed a lot happier so I took him back to school before lunch.

Secretly I absolutely loved being able to mother him again and felt very connected with him. Until later when I picked him up from school and it was back to the odd grunt and the like.

Can I ask where/how you see this stress among children? Are you a teacher/do you work with kids?

No, I’m just a London mother with school age children, with friends and siblings with school age children. It’s everywhere. My mother was a teacher, recently retired, and she found herself dealing with increasingly stressed and frazzled children.

Why do people always talk about the extremes, i.e. a bit of stress vs full blown mental illness? There is a huge middle ground and it's important to realise that steps can be taken to prevent the worst case scenario.