Page 8 | To let my 10 year old DS take a mental health day off school

Oopupsideyourhead · 2018-11-30T10:35:18+00:00

10 year old DS has had several emotional meltdowns this week - he’s overwhelmed by school and very with out with year 6- I think he’s feeling the pressure. I let him take a day off today- he’s in bed upstairs with a cup of tea looking much happier. It’s his first day off since sept so was I being unreasonable to let him stay home? I feel guilty in terms of it being an important year but he really needed it [confused]

Lndnmummy · 30/11/2018 13:04

Well done for supporting your son OP. My parents always let me have the odd day off if I needed it and it was one of the things that made me feel that they truly supported me as a child/teenager. I will most certainly do the same for my own children when they require it. I have developed into a mature senior leader in finance who very rarely takes time off work so it most definitely has not had an impact on my resilience or character. However, I do for sure listen to my body and I work to live I don’t live to work. I think you have for sure done the right thing. The attendance focus for young kids are utterly ridiculous anyway (and don’t let start on the attendance awards).

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 30/11/2018 13:05

@BruegelTheEIder

No it isn't!

When they've grown up, you can't just take days of here and there, you just have to find ways of managing and coping with life. If he's struggling with primary school how is he going to cope later on?

It would be better sending him to school and working with school to help decrease that pressure

Drogosnextwife · 30/11/2018 13:06

I wpuld have done the same OP a wee long weekend might help. I would make sure there's nothing more going on at school that might be upsetting him though like bullying etc.

Flatwhite32 · 30/11/2018 13:07

@Oopupsideyourhead I'm a primary teacher (currently on mat leave) and YANBU. I hate all the pressure the kids are under. What I would do, however, is maybe speak to his teacher about how he is feeling. I would definitely want to know if a child in my class was feeling like that. Hope he feels much better soon!

BruegelTheEIder · 30/11/2018 13:08

When they've grown up, you can't just take days of here and there

Why not?

missperegrinespeculiar · 30/11/2018 13:11

MirriVan

yes, maybe it is nature, and that bit can't be changed I guess

but it's also got to do with the social structures we put in place, and those can be changed, no matter how much we are told things are just the way they are, life's not fair, just accept it, it's not true, we can change things by acting collectively

Allaboutmeandyou · 30/11/2018 13:11

When they've grown up, you can't just take days of here and there

Why not?

Errrrrrrrrr because there is a long cue outside waiting to take that job.

Bluerussian · 30/11/2018 13:16

I think you were right, op. It shows you care. As long as your son doesn't make a habit of it, he'll be stronger for knowing his mum is behind him.

Good luck to you and him as he goes forward. x

BruegelTheEIder · 30/11/2018 13:19

Errrrrrrrrr because there is a long cue outside waiting to take that job.

Okay. So maybe I'm misunderstanding, but basically the idea is we make sure our children never take the odd day off school in order to teach them a lesson about how unscrupulous, demanding businesses care more about productivity and profits than their employees' health. To show them how to deal with being exploited when they grow up?

JacquesHammer · 30/11/2018 13:22

When they've grown up, you can't just take days of here and there, you just have to find ways of managing and coping with life

It’s called holiday. Or sick days.

MirriVan · 30/11/2018 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/11/2018 13:23

If a physical illness had left your ds feeling the way he does, @Oopupsideyourhead, you wouldn't have had a moment's indecision about keeping him off school, and his mental health is no different, in my opinion.

I suspect he will be better able to cope at school, having had a bit of time to recover.

And whilst it is important to learn resilience, and how to cope with pressure and stress, it is also important to learn that, if you reach breaking point, it IS ok to take some time off. Poor mental health is real, and is just as much of an issue as poor physical health - but we are expected to just soldier on, if our mental health is suffering, whereas it is far more acceptable to take time off with physical illness.

People should not feel any shame for knowing their limits - because when someone is pushed beyond those limits, the effects on their mental health can be severe, and long lasting. I have friends who have been forced way past their limits at work and have, as a result, developed depression and anxiety that has meant they have not been able to work since! Surely it is better to take a short amount of time off, and recover one's equilibrium, than to end up with life-long poor mental health, and unable to work at all!!

Sorry for the rant, but as a sufferer of depression and anxiety, it really angers me when people dismiss the need for others to care for their own mental health!

Perfectly1mperfect · 30/11/2018 13:26

When they've grown up, you can't just take days of here and there

You can book annual leave. Most jobs don't have set holidays like schools do, so if you need a day or two off you can have it when you need it. Or you can take sick leave, employees do have rights.

It's just as important to look after mental health as physical. One day off school really isn't going to matter. Hopefully he'll feel much better after a long weekend. It's awful to think children are feeling so overwhelmed by Year 6.

Bluerussian · 30/11/2018 13:33

PS: Oopupsideyourhead, I wish I'd had a mum like you!

missperegrinespeculiar · 30/11/2018 13:35

Okay. So maybe I'm misunderstanding, but basically the idea is we make sure our children never take the odd day off school in order to teach them a lesson about how unscrupulous, demanding businesses care more about productivity and profits than their employees' health. To show them how to deal with being exploited when they grow up?

Absolutely this!! that's exactly the message we give if we are not careful!

MirriVan bring it on!!!

WinklemansFringe · 30/11/2018 13:35

You will have to monitor this very carefully to assess the difference between your son feeling tired and under pressure at school ( both normal feelings), and having the beginnings of a mental health condition.

I would suspect that now he knows that this is a ' thing' , he will try for more days as he is 10 and getting out of school is probably a wonderful feeling.

Ultimately it is up to you, give him one day off a month if you want, the only people it impacts are you and your son, and the only repercussions if there are any will be felt by you and your son.

haverhill · 30/11/2018 13:38

Teacher here and I think it’s fine. My DS found Y6 very stressful with all the focus on SATS. He loves school usually. The occasional duvet day is good for productivity in the longer term.

Perfectly1mperfect · 30/11/2018 13:40

I would suspect that now he knows that this is a ' thing' , he will try for more days as he is 10 and getting out of school is probably a wonderful feeling

Maybe. But I think the children that feel overwhelmed by school are often the conscientious type so won't take advantage as they will be concerned about missing too much.

BrightStarrySky · 30/11/2018 13:41

You know him best. Trust your instincts. Not at all unreasonable.

Weathermonger · 30/11/2018 13:44

I've pretty much let my kids stay home - within reason - whenever they wanted in Elementary school, as long as they are up to date with all schoolwork, projects and homework. I think knowing they had that option if they were overwhelmed or just too tired, made them actually less inclined to take days off. Before the wrath of mumsnet descends upon me, they were in a two semester school (no half term breaks or time off at Easter) and typically they'd take no more than one day between September and December and another between January and the summer break, so we aren't talking excessive absenteeism. I was always up front with the teachers, as to why they stayed home and I never had an issue. OP i don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. Enjoy the day with your son.

Fresta · 30/11/2018 13:46

YABU. Avoidance of something which is causing stress isn't a good strategy to learn. He shouldn't really be feeling under pressure right now- it's only the first term- there's a long way to go until SATS. It would be better to teach him strategies to cope, speak to the teachers to see if they help, etc.

TheWiseWomansFear · 30/11/2018 13:53

I think mental health days are good, but at 6 you risk him pretending in future in order to get out of school.

TheWiseWomansFear · 30/11/2018 13:53

Sorry, just seen he's 10 not 6, still a risk, but you're his mum and only you know what he needs rn.

RomanyRoots · 30/11/2018 13:56

Mental health is no different than physical health and needs looking after just as much as the physical.
letting your child have the occasional day off is not going to do them any harm. Too much emphasis is put on academic learning to pass exams. Hardly an education at all.
Kids are so stressed especially during Y6 and GCSE's.
I took dd out of upper ks2 for this reason, no SATS just fun learning.

ravenmum · 30/11/2018 14:03

I think the children that feel overwhelmed by school are often the conscientious type so won't take advantage as they will be concerned about missing too much.

I think that how each of us reacts to this thread is also affected by our own character, and how that shaped our experience of school and work.

I was conformist, anxious, afraid of getting things wrong or being told off ("conscientious" sounds so positive!). I would never have skived off. Later, at work, I would have been afraid to take sick days. So for me, as I've grown older, it's been important for me to learn to relax, take things less seriously, allow myself to do "bad" things like having a drink or two without feeling guilty. My son is similar, and because of my own experience I've been focused on trying to get him less anxious and take things less seriously, so he can get more out of life. (My daughter is probably a bit more balanced - in any case I never had to give her a day off for anxiety.)

Someone else who's always been a natural a risk-taker, not worried about what people think of them, not afraid of authority, might have totally the oposite experience. Maybe they had to learn to focus better, to take school more seriously, to cooperate with the structure of authority in their workplace. So they see it as their task as a parent to get their (probably similar) child to conform more, to follow rules.

Horses for courses.