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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 10 year old DS take a mental health day off school

271 replies

Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 10:35

10 year old DS has had several emotional meltdowns this week - he’s overwhelmed by school and very with out with year 6- I think he’s feeling the pressure.
I let him take a day off today- he’s in bed upstairs with a cup of tea looking much happier.
It’s his first day off since sept so was I being unreasonable to let him stay home? I feel guilty in terms of it being an important year but he really needed it Confused

OP posts:
TitOfTheIceberg · 30/11/2018 10:52

Even if it makes Monday tougher, he will know that you listen to him and support him and that it's ok to talk about things being stressful and sad, which is even better for his mh than the day off.

100% this.

mumeeee · 30/11/2018 10:53

YANBU. You did the right thing OP

Original poster
Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 10:53

@hisashi I was at parents eve the other day & the teacher said that he’s one of the most hardworking in the class so it could be he just puts pressure on himself too- he’s quite a diligent kid.
We certainly don’t put him under pressure at home. There just seem to be weekly tests and he’s noticed that the learning is fast paced this year

OP posts:
theveryhighlife · 30/11/2018 10:54

Absolutely, I did the same for my son last year. We addressed what was upsetting him and he was much better for it. It really is important for everyone to know when to take time out. I hope he feels better soon.

AamdC · 30/11/2018 10:55

Year six is a horrible year for a lot of kids, it was all sats, sats, sats in ds1 class he even got told off for having dental apointments, (please note he is under the care of a dental hospital for a genetic condition so we have to take the appointments they give us ) there wss so much ptessure on him.sp i dont blame ypu op , i wpuld have probably told the school he had a virus though..

Mistlewoeandwhine · 30/11/2018 10:55

Teaching kids that it is ok to take a time out for mental health reasons is a much more useful lesson than crappy meaningless Sats.

Original poster
Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 10:56

@aamd I did tell the school he had a virus!

OP posts:
PerfectlyGoodAtBeingBad · 30/11/2018 10:58

I'd keep him off. Too many youngsters are struggling mentally. You are his parent, you know him best. As long as he's not falling behind I don't see the problem.

SilverLining10 · 30/11/2018 10:58

Yanbu. As adults we all feel this way at some point, so imagine the impact on a 10yo. As long as it doesnt turn out to be a regular thing then no issue.

Sakura7 · 30/11/2018 10:58

You did the right thing OP, and anyone who gives you a hard time needs to cop themselves on.

This obsession with keeping going and carrying on at all costs is so bad for us as a society. One day is not going to kill anyone. Agree with another PP that mental health needs to be taken far more seriously.

SingaporeSlinky · 30/11/2018 10:59

Tricky one, it’s important to look after mental wellbeing, of course, so YANBU but I think you need to discuss it with the school and make it clear to DS that this won’t be a regular occurrence.
If at age 10 and only one term into the school year he’s needing a mental health day, what will happen once he starts secondary and doing exams. And will you let him have a day here and there, which affects his attendance record? Think you should discuss his strategies for coping with his own wellbeing. At my DCs school it’s discussed regularly, what they can do if their welllbeing is low.

Could you have had a chat with his teacher about it all earlier in the week rather than giving him a whole day off? Could he have done less homework this week to ease pressure during home downtime? Could he have done more physical activity to help take his mind off school? Earlier bedtime?

Oblomov18 · 30/11/2018 10:59

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Hisaishi · 30/11/2018 11:00

"This obsession with keeping going and carrying on at all costs is so bad for us as a society"

sakura totally disagree. As I said above, I had mh problems and they got so much better when I just started actually going to work instead of lying in bed feeling bad.

There's a compromise. You can take time for yourself and still do what needs to be done as a worker/student/parent.

Oblomov18 · 30/11/2018 11:02

A virus?

Original poster
Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 11:02

@oblomov reported again- stop calling me names. I’m not an idiot- I am trying to do the best for my child

OP posts:
UserMe18 · 30/11/2018 11:03

Seems a bit of a quick fix and I would talk carefully to him about it so it doesn't set a precedent, as much as we'd all like a duvet day it's not always possible so I wouldn't want to make a habit of it. I'd perhaps spend the day with him talking through what is worrying him and come up with specific actions as to how you will both cope with next week better? I agree mental health is extremely important, but I think it'll take more than a day off to address it.

OhLemons · 30/11/2018 11:03

We shouldn't take children's mental health any less seriously than their physical health. I think a mental health day off is okay, but I would have told the school the truth.

If he is feeling under too much pressure then I think this needs to be addressed. There's no point allowing time off if the underlying cause isn't dealt with. It may just be a case of his teacher having a chat with him and telling him he's doing okay!

Oblomov18 · 30/11/2018 11:03

I can think of about 5 or 6 things you SHOULD have done, many already suggested by other posters, before getting to this stage. Ie the letting him have a day off. And lying about it. Claiming he was ill.

SingaporeSlinky · 30/11/2018 11:05

Why did you tell the school he had a virus? If you think mental health and his wellbeing is important, which it is, why lie about it? If the teacher on Monday mentions it, he’ll know you’ve lied, so doesn’t that suggest there’s a reason to cover it up? I think if you’ve taken the decision, at least own it and tell school he’s feeling the pressure and needed a mental health day. Otherwise it’s reinforcing the idea that mental health issues should be secretive.

AamdC · 30/11/2018 11:05

Oh for goodnesz sake zOblomov you can disagree but theres no need to be rude and obnoxious about it Hmm

MsLexic · 30/11/2018 11:05

If he is suffering you should let the school know. Also do you mean mental health? You need to take him to the GP, if that is the case, not lie in bed. He is 10... what on earth are the school doing to him?
This sounds very odd.

I8toys · 30/11/2018 11:05

I personally wouldn't and lying about it is a no from me. I would be careful that he thinks that a day off is a quick fix from problems in life. Especially could be problematic as a teen as it will get harder.

cadburysflake · 30/11/2018 11:05

Did you tell the truth when you called the school? "Hi little Jonny isn't in today because he needs a day off, he's not ill he just looked a bit tired and is stressed".

If you told the truth then ok, if you lied about him being ill well you are in the wrong.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2018 11:05

I really don't care for this new faddy 'Mental health day' phrase that's become so popular.

You've done the wrong thing imo OP, because what happens the next time he's too 'worn out' to go to school?

Learning to be resilient is a very important part of growing up. He needs to know that if he has issues at school, you're there to support him by way of contacting the school to help sort them out.

He doesn't need to learn that whenever he's too tired or emotional to go to school, he can have a 'mental health day' off school.

Oblomov18 · 30/11/2018 11:05

I take children's mental health very seriously.
But I don't think this falls into that category.
Stress is one thing. MH is different.

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