To let my 10 year old DS take a mental health day off school

[Oopupsideyourhead]

10 year old DS has had several emotional meltdowns this week - he’s overwhelmed by school and very with out with year 6- I think he’s feeling the pressure.
I let him take a day off today- he’s in bed upstairs with a cup of tea looking much happier.
It’s his first day off since sept so was I being unreasonable to let him stay home? I feel guilty in terms of it being an important year but he really needed it

Hermag, I wasn't Saying that stress didn't come under the category of MH.
read my post carefully please. that wasn't what I actually said.

I have Utmost respect for mental health.

but it demean mental health by placing op's posts situation under the category of mental health.

demeans mental health.

of course stress is a factor but not the OP's situation.

I wish I had learned at his age that the occasional day to focus on self care was a good thing. Some schools make SATs more stressful than GCSEs where support is in place.

@l8toys because they called me a twat so I reported them - why resort to name calling?

I agree with some here that it is far better to both develop his coping and resilience abilities. And to address the underlying issues with the teacher. They are important mental health lessons to learn. Those who deal with difficult situations by running away/staying in bed, do not tend to have good mental health.

I would have done the same OP. Occasionally a day just out of all the stress really helps to reset I think.

Also, on a personal level I often find that the first sign of me being "physically" ill is that things start to stress me out, a couple of times I've taken annual leave and then found that I come out with a bad cold/virus etc.

I think you did the right thing OP. Why let him burn out? I hope he has a nice day and relaxes a bit, sometimes the weekends are as hectic as the week so a day in bed should see him right!

Its possible to give opinions without being rude and nasty. Calling the OP an idiot is totally unnecessary. People like this must be a delight to be around in real life, or else they just save up all their venom for strangers on the internet.

Also yes child mental health services can not meet current demand. But it is worth noting that three quarters of 17 year olds who get CAHMS services do not meet the threshold for adult mental health services at 18. Mental health services were designed to deal with the kind of mental health problems that hospitalise people, or are at serious risk of hospitalising them.

You should tell the school the truth. They need to know when children aren't coping.

This is what's wrong with society and our children today

Yes today might be a day off as year 6 is hard
What happens when work is hard and he takes time off

Life is hard, better get used to it or your dad will be at home forever and not functioning in the real world
(I speak as someone who's friends child was like this, he's now 23, not working or socialising and just sitting at home)

I think you’ve done the right thing op. However I would use the day to look at and practice coping strategies for stress with him.
Things like puzzles, colouring books, activity books, remedy spray, yoga, meditation, music & punching bags can be useful to give the brain a break.

How about:
"SATs have no relevance to his future."

I don't agree with this. Did you know that SAT's are taken as their target. Upon entry to secondary.
And it sets the tone, for their target grades, all the way to GCSE's.

Ds1 currently has a year 10 target, for all his GCSE's largely based on SAT's. Most schools, not all, do this.

I told my son he could have two or three days off for stress per school year, simply so that he didn't have to pretend to be ill, as he had been doing before. Saved me getting worried about him having mysterious headaches and stomach aches. After I did that, the mysterious illnesses stopped and we had no more incidents of him running away from school and hiding. (This is not a UK school.)

After that he asked me for a day off three times in ten years. I also eventually managed to get him counselling for his anxiety issues. He is now a very conscientious young man, will be 19 next week and is off working very hard on a work and travel gap year.

Where we live, stress is still not widely accepted as a reason for a day off, so I would just vaguely say he was under the weather. I don't think anyone ever asked for details. Maybe things are a bit further ahead in the UK?

you've done what youve done now - my DS was often worn out so caught colds/virus by now esp this term so got the day off by default...however it was a boring day..

I would talk to the school though - relentless testing is crap - they need to know the impact it is having - I would see face to face as well - not necessarily related to today just that you have noticed how stressed and down he is..

if he needs help managing stress then there are some good resources around . my ds at senior now and they are using one called
.b mindfulness (says from 11)

we also used relaxation Cd's -
relax kids and this one which he likes - although there are free ones on the insight app
www.amazon.co.uk/Rays-of-Calm/dp/B002SPWZEO/ref=sr_1_15?keywords=calm+kids&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1543577006&sr=8-15

Ex teacher here and the main reason I left was because of this! Sats are awful. Do nothing for the child but schools have to get the result. It's all for ofstead and it's so crap. I hated it and the pressure the teachers are under is horrendous let alone it being passed down to the children.

The poor children learn nothing but how to pass a test. It's utter shit.

OP let him have a rest day. Let him have home as his happy, resting place. No sats. Do the bare minimum. Sats do not benefit him.
Have a lovely day together and have a lovely treat lunch.

YANBU IMO. Children need to get used to stress as that is life!!! Seriously? He is 10! He is a child, do children not deserve stress free childhoods? We're adults a long time and dead even longer, give the poor kid a break. In twenty years time that day off won't have made a jot of difference and actually it may be one of the few days he fony looks back on rather than a really hard slog at school.

I think mental health is being bounced around way too much. It's as if, if you say it's for mental health no one can question it. I don't think this is mental health, this is just being tired and feeling overworked. When your son sits his sats will you keep him off because he's feeling the pressure and a little bit tired from all the tests?

Real life if full of pressures and stresses and you have to learn to deal with them at some point. You should have spoken to the teacher not kept him off school.

*fondly

@mozzchops really? My DS has never had a day off for this reason before- I let him today because I have never seen him as upset as he has been this week.
He does well at school, is supported at home, has a normal life with lots of friends & lots of sport. He’s a normal happy kid normally which is why this week has been unusual.
I am not sure how you can equate one day off school with a lifetime of sitting at home etc.
What about people who homeschool? Take their kids out for holidays etc?
I don’t do any of that- i’ve just let him have a day at home with me as he has been behaving out of character this week.

Children do need to learn how to deal with stress. Yes it is part of life. And they need to learn to speak up and try and change crap situations. Which is why OP you should be talking to his teacher to address the underlying issues.
By the way, I do not agree with it, but plenty of kids in the past had even more stress with the 11 plus exam. That really did determine the rest of your life.

If ds was struggling a day off school would be the last thing to go, if he was stressing out due to pressure at school we'd be looking at ways to help him cope.

Earlier bedtimes, eating better, stress busting activities (less xbox, more physical), downtime from screens before bedtime, temporarily reduce any activities outside school that might add to pressure, and talking about how to handle, reduce the pressure he is feeling around the sats. Simple things like clearing out and decluttering ds's room/giving him nice fresh bedding and a hot water bottle , or getting him off the xbox and watching a movie under a duvet together make him relax and feel better. All will stand him in good stead for dealing with future exams.

I always find this the worst time of year, dark and dreary on the run up to Xmas staying up late to watch im a celebrity but you are better teaching them coping mechanisms by identifying and making adjustments rather than avoidance mechanisms such as not going to school.

Oblomov if what you are saying re SATs is true then DC who have worked at full capacity for them are going to end up with unreasonable / unrealistic expectations all the way to GCSE. I may be wrong, as not in the English system, but my understanding is that SATs do not map to the GCSE curriculum and educationally selective schools are using 11+ format, not SATs.

I do understand that a secondary's progress scores are judged against incoming SATs but that is global statistical information rather than individual learning paths?

I think as long as it’s a one off to help him recharge and feel better then it’s fine.

It’s only an issue if it becomes a habit and more frequent, which would mean he learns he doesn’t need to face difficult periods and can avoid them – which wouldn’t do any favours for preparing him for the general hard bits of life.

People who believe that a parent should never do this, out of principle - have you also never "taken a sickie" off work? Or would you say that's a different thing?

I have no opinion on the day off but if you are regularly giving him tea with caffeine that could be contributing to his stress levels and mood.