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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 10 year old DS take a mental health day off school

271 replies

Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 10:35

10 year old DS has had several emotional meltdowns this week - he’s overwhelmed by school and very with out with year 6- I think he’s feeling the pressure.
I let him take a day off today- he’s in bed upstairs with a cup of tea looking much happier.
It’s his first day off since sept so was I being unreasonable to let him stay home? I feel guilty in terms of it being an important year but he really needed it Confused

OP posts:
Fluffyunicorns · 30/11/2018 11:06

You did the right thing - I did the same last month when my daughter sat by the front door and sobbed when it was time to go to school- she was desperate to go in and I did not let her - I knew that she had to take a step back before she broke. I took the day off work and we had a day of doing things together to give her time to think about other things.

MeredithGrey1 · 30/11/2018 11:07

As someone with a mental health problem there is nothing wrong with a mental health day in my opinion but it needs to come with a plan for dealing with the stress going forward, otherwise there’s no reason to think he’ll be less stressed next week.

That plan might not totally involve him, it might involve you talking to the school about how they are presenting the sats practice. Or it might be talking to him about how unimportant sats are, talking to him about how he plans his homework (if he always gets stressed about doing it on time for example), or talking about ways he can relax. Maybe there’s something he’d like to do with you at home on a Sunday evening that he’d enjoy and look forward to and could maybe stop that Sunday evening dread of going back to school the next day (if that’s something that bothers him regularly).

It’s good you’re recognising mental health is important but it needs to come with some plans going forward to be most effective. My mental health gets much worse if I allow myself to stay home and do nothing.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 30/11/2018 11:08

No idea how old year 6 is - 10 or 11?

I'd be concentrating on coping strategies and resilience rather than allowing a child to run away from what's bothering them, tbh.

Oblomov18 · 30/11/2018 11:08

You Demean the severity of MH, by referring to it under the bracket of this category.

MH is very important. OP's 10 year old wanting to take a day off, after repeated SAT test practising, is NOT MH.

RedWineIsFabulous · 30/11/2018 11:08

Absolutely you did the right thing.

Your child’s health comes first but please be confident in your decision as his Mother.

There are some seriously harsh responses on here.

Original poster
Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 11:08

@mslexic why is it odd? He’s upset, run down, crying a lot over silly things and worn out. I have talked to him about it today & he’s a lot happier- he just needed a day at home with me. He has very good attendance & is doing well. I will go and talk to his teacher about it as I have a good relationship with her & the school are generally great.

OP posts:
JugheadismyHero · 30/11/2018 11:09

Yes yes yes!! Give your child a day off to help his mental health!

I took my ds out of school when he was 10 and in year 6 for four months to improve his mental health. We did homeschooling in that time.

He then started at a different school who supported him so much better and now he is in year 7, still has some anxiety but is a much happier child.

ButchyRestingFace · 30/11/2018 11:09

Letting him have a day off (right before the weekend anyway) doesn’t really help him develop strategies for coping with pressure in the wider context though.

And it doesn’t help him deal with pressure in this context because you’ve fibbed to the school about why he’s off so they won’t know how bad the situation is and be able to take appropriate steps to support your son.

On the whole, I think YABU.

ButchyRestingFace · 30/11/2018 11:10

Cross posted: you’re going to talk to his teacher about it. Smile

cadburysflake · 30/11/2018 11:10

Ahhh you said he had a virus, yep you're in the wrong. So when the teacher checks he's feeling better on Monday what is he going to say? Oh I wasn't ill, just a bit tired miss. He'll have to lie!

Oblomov18 · 30/11/2018 11:10

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rightreckoner · 30/11/2018 11:11

Of course. Don’t doubt yourself. Dd had one this term (just started at secondary). She’s mentally pretty robust and imho that’s why - She is allowed decompress when she needs to.

Hope it helps. Also crumpets help Smile

Nesssie · 30/11/2018 11:11

YABU. We can't all just take a day off because we are tired or stress.

He gets 2 days off at home with you tomorrow and Sunday. No need for today.

Hermagsjesty · 30/11/2018 11:12

@oblomov18 stress absolutely does come under the category of mental health, as anybody working in CAMHS will tell you.

OP As I’ve said, I think you absolutely did the right thing letting him take a day out. Knowing when to give yourself a break is part of being resilient. I do think you should speak to the school about the reasons you kept him off though - rather than saying it’s a virus. Hopefully the school will be supportive and you can work together on ways to help him through his feelings.

AamdC · 30/11/2018 11:12

Having bern tjrough yeat 6 with ds last year there is far to much presuure put on kids at such an early age imo. They are just tests the constant revising for them from septembet untill may is just ridiculous.

BonnesVacances · 30/11/2018 11:12

YANBU. One of the things that keeps being emphasised to people suffering from stress and MH issues is that it's ok to need to take a step back every once in a while and give themselves some space to breathe. That's coping. Not ploughing on as if nothing's wrong.

Nesssie · 30/11/2018 11:13

Got to agree with Oblomov18 if you can't handle being called an idiot then you have bigger problems.

Nesssie · 30/11/2018 11:14

What happens next week when hes tired and wants a day at home with you? Or the week before his exams when the stress hits him?

Hermagsjesty · 30/11/2018 11:14

Sorry OP cross-posted! Glad you’re going to talk to the teacher. I think you should have faith you did the right thing. Your DS is lucky to have you Flowers

Original poster
Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 11:14

@hermags am going to talk to the teacher on mon- I had to leave an answer message this morning as you don’t get to speak to a person. I’m not lying etc as per the accusations on here- i’ll go in next week & discuss with the school

OP posts:
I8toys · 30/11/2018 11:14

Don't understand why Oblomov is getting grief. You asked for opinions and you got them. Differing opinions!

howabout · 30/11/2018 11:15

I think YABU. Part of learning to cope with stress is recognising when it is not a reasonable response to pressure. SATs have no relevance to his future. I would be telling him to ignore all the pressure from school and stop trying so hard.

Letsmoveondude · 30/11/2018 11:15

My DD is in year 6 too, so so much pressure on them at the moment with their says, if your DS needed it, then he needed it.

Original poster
Oopupsideyourhead · 30/11/2018 11:16

@nesssie like what exactly? Why should I be called names when I am having a discussion on here? You know nothing about me

OP posts:
WhoNose88 · 30/11/2018 11:16

School and exams aren't everything, and they need to know that. Too many kids suffering with anxiety and stress and bad mental health because they are being made to think that how they perform at school is more important than anything else.

Child mental health services are appalling, there's little help from there once the damage is done. A Mum I know from school recently had her 15 year old take his life because he was depressed and anxious and had been waiting for a year to see a counselor.

He needs to know you're on his side. YANBU.