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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sleep with my husband because I hate his moustache?

281 replies

creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:00

DH has been working away for months. He recently came home for 2 weeks leave with a moustache. He knows my feelings about facial hair. I don't mind moustaches so long as I don't need to go anywhere near them but the thought of kissing him or doing anything more with it on his face literally repulsed me. I normally find DH extremely attractive but I just couldn't see past it.

I had friends over at the weekend and I told them that I hadn't had sex with DH when he was home because I can't bare the moustache. They couldn't believe this since he was gone for months and is now gone for months again. It's left me wondering. Was I BU? Should I have just pretended it wasn't there or can anyone relate? Is anyone similarly turned off by facial hair or is it just me who has this problem?

OP posts:
shirleyschmidt · 29/11/2018 22:30

Hahaha I was on your side anyway but omg that is 🤢 LTB!

Osirus · 29/11/2018 23:06

You are not unreasonable to be turned off by something - that’s normal. And no one has to have sex.

What concerns me is that after 4 months away from home your husband would rather keep his facial hair than have sex with his you, his wife. That is truly bizarre, and NOT a sign of a happy marriage despite your protestations.

Of course, he has every right to do what he wants to his own body. But after 4 months away?! I’d be incredibly hurt that he didn’t want sex with me badly enough.

HPLikecraft · 29/11/2018 23:19

Was he doing Movember, OP?

BonnieandHyde · 29/11/2018 23:28

I think it's a bit more pathetic that a grown woman has a physical aversion to a bit of fucking facial hair. Tbh.

Grow up Confused

You'd be pretty pissed off if your husband said your beardy chin turned him off or if your bush that looked more like Barbara's 70s garden was revolting to him.

How pathetic.

BonnieandHyde · 29/11/2018 23:29

@Osirus try reversing that. I'd be pretty concerned if I was a bloke and my wife didn't want to shag me enough after 4m away that she couldn't ignore a 'tache for what is probably a 5 minute shag.

sophisticatedsarcasm · 29/11/2018 23:29

I hate beards and moustaches, I won’t kiss DP until he shaves, one I don’t like it and 2 it irritates my skin

Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 23:38

What concerns me is that after 4 months away from home your husband would rather keep his facial hair than have sex with his you, his wife. That is truly bizarre, and NOT a sign of a happy marriage despite your protestations.

If we weren't happily married, why would I not just say that? After all, I'm on here anonymously and am blatantly annoyed at my husbands choice to keep the moustache so I'm not trying to hide anything. If he wasn't interested in me, why did he try to instigate sex numerous times when he was home? Also, he chooses me over the moustache ALL of the rest of the time! He's wanted one for years and hasn't done this until now. From his point of view, I think he's found it difficult to keep the moustache but most probably told his mates etc that he would be keeping it when he was home (they all know how I feel on this) and he's had to save face and stick to it. He's obviously found it hard hence the fact he has still tried to be intimate with me when he knows I'm not interested.

He's been a grade A idiot for those 2 weeks in my opinion but as I said, it's not something I'd start doubting my marriage over! Trust me, I know of many guys that do a lot worst. My husband is caring, attentive & affectionate. He's supportive & kind. He tells me he loves me and he's there for me through life's highs and lows. There's a lot of evidence there that we are both deeply in love and one 2 week spell of him not putting my feelings first is not a sign that we are unhappy. It's a sign that we are both human. I don't expect our marriage to be perfect, obviously there are some couples out there (on mumsnet) who have never had to overcome an obstacle. Yes, I'm unhappy we weren't intimate in those 2 weeks. Do I still love my husband and am I still happily married? YES!

OP posts:
BonnieandHyde · 29/11/2018 23:49

OP you sound like a selfish fishwife to be honest. Why don't his feelings come first for a while? Why does it have to be yours?

It's a bloody 'tache fgs. Get over yourself.

Leobynature · 29/11/2018 23:51

🙄😒 when you ask an AIBU question about moustaches and people start making assumptions about your relationship. Then you feel obliged to defend said marriage.

Your husband sounds like a hard working man who just really wanted a moustache.

I hate my DH without facial hair and would refuse to have sex with him if he shaved it (which has happened).

But here’s the thing, if a man was on here stating that he would not have sex with his wife because she got fat/cut her hair/ stopped shaving her legs there would be an uproar.

Although I manage my entire relationship by nagging or withdrawing and rewarding with sex 😂😂

Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 23:52

*BonnieandHyde
*
You have no idea how much I put my husband and his feelings first as he almost always does for me. His happiness means everything to me. But I can't help that moustaches make me feel physically sick. It's easy for you to say it's a bloody 'tache fgs but you're obviously not repulsed by them like I am.

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 29/11/2018 23:54

But a nice moustache is so sexy!

Itsyersel · 30/11/2018 00:00

@LaurieFairyCake behave you daft bint!

TheRealJoseph · 30/11/2018 01:07

Luckily DH will shaving and our sex life will be back to normal when I next see him. I stand by the fact I think it was a little selfish of him not to shave. He already had 4 months which I think was long enough.

Oh so you effectly blackmailed him into shaving, in exchange for a shag? Last time I looked, blackmail was illegal?

You are controlling and you know it. This thread is all about you & your petty little demands. You do realise that you don't have any right/s regarding your DHs facial hair.

Oh btw...what type of 'tasche was he sporting?, Was it a dodgy 70's porno 'tache/ aka the 118 118 'taches?.

So in other words...GROW THE FUCK UP!.

Biancadelriosback · 30/11/2018 07:09

What about a moustache cover? It's like a little shower cap but it attaches at the ear. My DH has a tache and I bought him one as a joke .... He actually uses it now though...

Summergarden · 30/11/2018 07:16

I’d feel and behave the same way as you, OP. I just find anything more than a couple of days worth of stubble a massive turn off and it makes me feel queasy just thinking about it. As a pp said perhaps The Twits has some bearing!

I swear if DH gained 5 stone, grew a long ponytail on his head or something it wouldn’t bother me much in terms of attractiveness (although of course I’d be a bit concerned about his health), but lots of facial hair would be a deal breaker. Luckily DH dislikes facial hair so not likely to be an issue.

Sorry you’ve been put in this position OP.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 30/11/2018 07:22

She doesn't have rights regarding his hair Joseph, but she does have rights regarding her sex life. If she can't/doesn't feel attracted to him while he has a 'tache, then not having sex is her prerogative.
He can prioritise his wife's feelings wrt this, or not. That's his prerogative. No one is being controlled.

JollyBodyTired · 30/11/2018 07:25

Why is it so hard for some people to realise that you can't always help what you find repulsive? Attraction just is and it isn't something you can control.

You can love someone deeply but that doesn't always mean you find them sexually attractive.

It is also not illegal to not have sex with your husband because you find his facial hair repulsive. I guess the OP should have had sex no matter how repulsive she found it to keep her husband happy? It is not blackmail FFS.

TammySwansonTwo · 30/11/2018 07:26

I was abused as a child by my father who had a moustache - I haven’t seen him in so long that I barely remember his face, when I picture him all I remember is that moustache. I can’t stand them, they legitimately do trigger a real panic and fear in me. DH would never grow one.

MozzieMagnet · 30/11/2018 07:27

I feel your pain. Cannot wait for tomorrow as it's the end of Movember bullshittery.

Aria2015 · 30/11/2018 07:30

No, I won't kiss my husband if has facial hair either. It transports my mind to thinking of my grandad because he had facial hair and freaks me out! Most of the time he shaves so it's ok, but he knows what will happen if he doesn't! I don't feel too bad since I do a ton of personal grooming to be attractive for him so shaving a few square inches of his face is a small ask in comparison!

HPLikecraft · 30/11/2018 07:36

Is your DH doing Movember, OP?

Original poster
creepymoustache · 30/11/2018 07:38

No it's not for Movember.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 30/11/2018 07:41

I completely get all your protestations about having an otherwise happy marriage OP. Of course no one would expect you to LTB over 2 weeks of no sex.
But on a very base level, he was saying ‘I’d rather keep my moustache than have sex with you after 4 months apart’. That’s what would be bothering me.

HPLikecraft · 30/11/2018 07:53

‘I’d rather keep my moustache than have sex with you after 4 months apart’. That’s what would be bothering me

And she's saying the same in reverse, so that may well be bothering him. Confused

lilyheather1 · 30/11/2018 07:58

The both of you sound quite petty and immature. He for going ahead with something despite your severe reaction, and you for consistently calling him an idiot simply for making a choice about his own body.

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