To not sleep with my husband because I hate his moustache?

[creepymoustache]

DH has been working away for months. He recently came home for 2 weeks leave with a moustache. He knows my feelings about facial hair. I don't mind moustaches so long as I don't need to go anywhere near them but the thought of kissing him or doing anything more with it on his face literally repulsed me. I normally find DH extremely attractive but I just couldn't see past it.

I had friends over at the weekend and I told them that I hadn't had sex with DH when he was home because I can't bare the moustache. They couldn't believe this since he was gone for months and is now gone for months again. It's left me wondering. Was I BU? Should I have just pretended it wasn't there or can anyone relate? Is anyone similarly turned off by facial hair or is it just me who has this problem?

Taken me ages to work out which side of this I'm on. Been trying to relate to it to see both sides.

One part of me agreed with the whole, if a man enforced physical appearance rules for sex he'd be lynched, responses. But I also agreed with the you consent when you consent, not when you don't responses. I thought he was being stubborn, but perhaps working away for extended periods awoke a latent independent streak.

So, I can't stand peanuts. I'm not allergic, they just repulse me. Same for tobacco breath. Sometimes my wife eats peanuts, so I can't kiss her at those times. We are both clear about this. But that doesn't last. So, I thought about tobacco breath. If my wife were to start smoking, that could be a deal breaker for me (in terms of intimacy). She knows this and would make any decision in the light of that information. Likewise OP's DH - this was already known; but he made his choice. Yes, it was his choice to make, but now he's made the bed he can lie in it (alone, apparently).

OP, to be honest, I’m struggling to visualise this moustache that takes 6 MONTHS to grow. What on earth is it like - can you describe please? I have an image of Hercule Poirot or Lord Kitchener at present. Apart from this, surely most men have some kind of moustache / stubble visible anyway, unless he’s very fair or ginger? It can’t be that much of a shocker. Have you never seen him unshaven?

What about people who have facial piercings such as a nose ring or eyebrow ring? is that a deal breaker because it is visible?
Hunter Davies wrote in his autobiography that he hated his wife to wear make up. He thought it looked and felt artificial. Would you all say that a man was reasonable to refuse to have sex with his wife if she wore make up or would you think it was controlling?
There are some very controlling wives on here.

Or what about Frida Kahlo? Famous for her 'moustache" back in the 40"s and 50's. How dare her husband and lovers find her attractive.
I love her self portraits and her pride!

No I'm with you op, can't stand cookie dusters or beards, when my dp starts sporting too much bristle it's no sex or kissing at all until he gets rid of it.

There was a thread a couple of months ago, the OP had posted her dp asked her why she didn’t make more of an effort to shave her legs, because he thought it was nicer than hairy legs.

Pretty sure he was sexist, misogynist all the usual. There were a minority who said he wasn’t unreasonable to have preferences but was U to expect OP to ‘adhere’.

I guarantee if that poster had said her dp wouldn’t have sex with her until she shaved her legs, he would have absolutely been labelled as abusive.

No one implied that the OP of that thread was getting some elsewhere because she wouldn’t shave her legs.

FWIW, I agree with OP in general terms. If my dp changed his appearance to something I didn’t like, I’d struggle, too but he would have that ‘right’ as well.

The look of it makes me feel nauseous.

So if you couldn't look at your husband without feeling nauseous then how did you mange to have a wonderful 2 weeks with him? Or did you just avoid looking at him?

There is probably another woman. I'm guessing this will be one of those posts where in a few years you'll report back about the affair.

DW has been working away for months. She recently came home for 2 weeks leave with a full on bush. She knows my feelings about pubic hair. I don't mind pubic hair so long as I don't need to go anywhere near it but the thought of going down on her or doing anything near her pubes literally repulsed me. I normally find DW extremely attractive but I just couldn't see past it.

I had friends over at the weekend and I told them that I hadn't had sex with DW when she was home because I can't bare the pubes. They couldn't believe this since she was gone for months and is now gone for months again. It's left me wondering. Was I BU? Should I have just pretended it wasn't there or can anyone relate? Is anyone similarly turned off by pubic hair or is it just me who has this problem?

Oh and I bet he comes back with the beard and refuses to shave it.

I think YABU because imagine if you went and got a haircut that he wasn't keen on and systematically rejected all physical contact with you! Especially if you liked the new hair!

Pretty sure we all agreed to 'in sickness and in health', so when a bloody tache is enough to cause this kind of reaction, it seems pretty silly. It's his face, so not sure you can do much more than prefer him clean shaven!

Aridane I think MN would explode

So OP will you divorce him if he doesn't shave/grows a beard?

Depends Aridane, does your fictitious dw's muff give you a rash and feel horrible when you kiss her face?

huskylover perhaps rather it is that we aren’t dead from the waist up?

Did dw always shave since you met her? Did she know before she grew it that you find it repulsive? If yes to both then she is BU to expect you to go near it...

Would my dh still have to have sex with me if I decided to have a penis rather than vagina? If I gained 25stone? If I decided I now only do anal? If I grew a beard?

Or is consent upto the person consenting regardless of why they give or don’t give consent?

I think it's a case of picking your battles. Personally, facial hair isn't something I'd make a huge deal about, even though I don't really like it.

It clearly bothers you a lot, though, and you've let him know that. If he refuses to shave it off, you'll both have to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.

It's your marriage OP.

I agree with everything Sirzy says. Dreadful double standards around here.

If OP had met him, dated and married him when he had facial hair, she'd maybe be U to object to him having it now. But she met and was attracted to a clean shaven man.
I don't think either sex can radically change their appearance and expect their partner to find it attractive. If they don't, then they just don't.

I am absolutely with you OP, I have a very real fear of beards and struggle to contain panic if one is near me, I can imagine a moustache could have a similar reaction. I honestly don't know what I would do if DP grew a beard as I know I wouldn't be able to go near it

If OP had met him, dated and married him when he had facial hair, she'd maybe be U...

That's silly. I met my DH 31 years ago. If I tried to look the same or followed the same styles now as I did then then I'd look fucking stupid, get laughed at and DH would be embarrassed by me. I was a thin, micro skirted goth with lots of black makeup, purple spiky hair and a bullet belt. Now I'm a chubby almost 50 with sensible brown hair, more refined dress sense and legs that would look repulsive in a short skirt. I have a saggy belly and boobs from having 5 children.

Yes, I've changed, people do. Not just by ageing, but our tastes and styles change over the years. It's silly to say that you ought to stay the same as when your partner met you or they may go off you. If they do, then you don't really have much of a relationship in any case.

And a small moustache is hardly a "radical" change of appearance.

It's a bit strange that he prefers the tache to getting his leg over after 4 months, but there you go..

what amazes me is your desire to publicly say to friends ( in your first post) you are not having sex because of moustache. I wouldn't be happy about a partner talking about our sex life to others

MN is anonymous but you told RL friends

*what amazes me is your desire to publicly say to friends ( in your first post) you are not having sex because of moustache. I wouldn't be happy about a partner talking about our sex life to others

MN is anonymous but you told RL friends*

I had had a few drinks. I don't make a habit of talking about our sex life. Surely you can confide in friends about this sort of thing as a one off?