This isn't a date right?

[mimipaw]

I just started a started a new job. One of the other trainees and I have been getting on and have a similar attitude/sense of humour. I have definitely been making the effort to be friendly just for the sake of camaraderie as much as anything else. Definitely wouldn't say we've been flirting just having a laugh together/swapping notes. I did ask last week if he wanted to meet up for coffee and then travel to a meeting together as I wanted to distract myself from nerves. The other day he texted asking if I wanted to go get a drink on Saturday, I said sure as I know it would be fun/rude to say no. I mentioned it in passing to my boyfriend who reckons my colleague has asked me on a date. Aibu to think my dp is being ridiculous especially as he hasn't seen how we interact? Dp can't come on Saturday (not that I'd want him to) and I'm not going to cancel.

I wouldn’t be meeting colleagues outside of work .
Sorry sounds like a date to me

Why don’t you want your DP there ?

How would you feel if your DP started a new job and was suddenly meeting a female colleague on Saturday for a drink ?

I meet colleagues out of work for drinks, male and female. Does he know you have a partner?

Sounds like a date to me. The coffee on the way to a meeting would have seemed like putting the feelers out for something more. That you’ve then accepted the ‘something more’ could definitely be seen as leading him on, even if your intentions are pure.

Have you mentioned your BF to your new friend? If not you need to bring him up in conversation sharpish, and see if he is still eager to take you out for drinks.

We've both relocated to a new area- although I didn't grow up too far from here. So neither of us know a lot of people right now.

Argh that's a date!

Does the other trainee know you have a partner? If not they may be hoping it might be a date, but not likely if you don’t think your interactions have been like that. Either way, maybe mention your boyfriend when you go for the drink just in case there’s a misunderstanding.

My BF goes for lunch with female colleagues and chats to them outside of work, but going for a drink in the evening would definitely feel like it’s stepping over a line to me.

It's a date. I regularly have a drink with colleagues, but its after work- not at a weekend.
Just out of interest have you ever mentioned your DP at work?

I haven't mentioned my boyfriend, honestly, it's just never come up. We're constantly talking about work and getting used to our new city.

Depends if he knows you have a bf. If not it's very possible he thinks it's a date, and also why would you not have mentioned your bf??

If he does know then no it's not a date and you're fine!

Text him that you asked bf but he is busy, so can you leave it this time.

Oh cross post. You need to be really honest with yourself - hasn't come up? That's bollocks. You're talking about getting used to your new city and you don't mention the man you moved to the new city with?! Sounds like you've held back on mentioning the bf - is that because you're worried he won't be interested in talking to you if he knows you have a bf or because you actually have a bit of an interest in him..?

I would go. It sounds like you have a connection, date or not I personally think you should get to know him better.

Why don’t you want your DP there?

I just think it would be strange to have him come. I genuinely do not have any interest in my colleague.

I haven't mentioned my boyfriend, honestly, it's just never come up.

It's a date. Depressingly, I shoehorn DH into conversations fairly quickly for this exact reason. I work away a lot and it's a hazard of the job. Tell him.

Errr it's totally a date

MyKingdomForBrie my boyfriend hasn't relocated but is only a 35 mintues away (via fast train)

I'd go. And be sure to mention your boyfriend between now and then just in case he did intend it to be a date. Gives him chance to cancel

Sorry I would think it's a date. I know on here people say you're supposed to be "cool" with mixed sex friendships but this guy is new to your life (as opposed to a longstanding friend) and you've accepted Saturday night drinks. I wouldn't be happy if it was my partner. And if you are just friends why wouldn't you want your DP to come? He's new to that city also, maybe he'd like to make friends too!

Does part of you like him? If he misinterprets this as a date and makes a move on you, will you feel uncomfortable working together after? We should be friends with whoever we want, but I think with new friends, sometimes one person things one thing and the other things something else.

Its a date.

You havent even mentioned you have a bf so he probably thinks your single.

Does part of you like him?

Honestly, I just find a breath of fresh in comparison to the other trainees who are quite stuffy/pretentious. It's honestly no more than that. Physically he is the polar opposite to my boyfriend/my type in general.

If he misinterprets this as a date and makes a move on you, will you feel uncomfortable working together after?

I'll keep it friendly and make sure it won't get to that point- it's not like he's going to lunge at me.

Absolutely a date. If you'd brought your boyfriend up, you could extricate yourself if the colleague chose to ignore your relationship status and try it in anyway.

Going to sound really harsh but I feel bad for your other half. I'd be very disappointed if my partner acted the way you have and it almost sounds a bit like attention-seeker behaviour. Passing notes? Enjoying a connection? Fun when you're single but really inappropriate if you're not and not planning to be very soon.

Pretty sure he thinks it's a date even if you don't.