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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't a date right?

251 replies

mimipaw · 27/11/2018 14:50

I just started a started a new job. One of the other trainees and I have been getting on and have a similar attitude/sense of humour. I have definitely been making the effort to be friendly just for the sake of camaraderie as much as anything else. Definitely wouldn't say we've been flirting just having a laugh together/swapping notes. I did ask last week if he wanted to meet up for coffee and then travel to a meeting together as I wanted to distract myself from nerves. The other day he texted asking if I wanted to go get a drink on Saturday, I said sure as I know it would be fun/rude to say no. I mentioned it in passing to my boyfriend who reckons my colleague has asked me on a date. Aibu to think my dp is being ridiculous especially as he hasn't seen how we interact? Dp can't come on Saturday (not that I'd want him to) and I'm not going to cancel.

OP posts:
Original poster
mimipaw · 28/11/2018 11:19

Last night I texted asking if we could meet at a pub closer to the station as I'm now going to boyfriend's after. Got a text saying something along the lines of "yeah wherever you want". Think my instincts were right.

OP posts:
Baking101 · 28/11/2018 11:20

Yes because you know exactly what he is thinking via text and 4 words.

pumpastrotter · 28/11/2018 11:22

Last night I texted asking if we could meet at a pub closer to the station as I'm now going to boyfriend's after. Got a text saying something along the lines of "yeah wherever you want". Think my instincts were right.

Think he crawled up his arse and is saving face. Hope you have a nice 'friend' date.

Mookatron · 28/11/2018 11:27

Yes because you know exactly what he is thinking via text and 4 words. And yet she was supposed to know what he thought about the meeting originally?

So, OP - sorted. Well done.

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2018 11:28

Yeah, that doesn't sound like an enthusiastic response to me.

I have regularly went out for drinks with male colleagues as I work in a Male environment, I see no issue with it, but the difference is they know I have a husband, and I have never neglected to mention it.

I think the fact you've never mentioned it is odd. As much as he may also just wish to be friends, you have no way of knowing if he perceived your invite as a potential date and was progressing it by asking you out on a sat night.

SpannerH · 28/11/2018 11:29

I haven't mentioned my boyfriend, honestly, it's just never come up.

I'm sorry but this is a cop out. what are you doing tonight? oh nothing just dinner and bed. What are you doing tonight? Well my OH hasn't relocated yet so it'll just be dinner and bed. It isn't hard to drop your OH in to conversation to establish boundaries.

This is a date, and you can't blame him for thinking that or if he does make a pass at you and things become awkward because you liked the attention and didn't mention your OH to establish any boundaries.

TeddybearBaby · 28/11/2018 11:30

You're never going to win this one op @mimipaw 🙄. Enjoy your weekend x

Original poster
mimipaw · 28/11/2018 11:34

Okay, I made a mistake by not dropping my boyfriend into conversation, really didn't feel it necessary at any point. Lesson learned.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 28/11/2018 11:45

Okay, I made a mistake by not dropping my boyfriend into conversation, really didn't feel it necessary at any point

This makes it sound like you need to make some form of effort to mention your partner, when the opposite is true, you need to make an effort not to. It's totally normal to say oh me and x did this at the weekend, or are doing this tonight, it takes an effort to develop a personal friendship with someone to the extent of this and not mention your boyfriend. As in it would take some thought not to.

And what supports that is you knew you hadn't. You didn't need to think about it, you weren't unsure, you knew right away you didn't tell him you were involved.

bobstersmum · 28/11/2018 11:53

I agree with slapdash.
I can't think how it's not come up.

Mookatron · 28/11/2018 11:54

What is the point in having a go at the OP about not mentioning her boyfriend? What do you want her to do? Say she is indeed a slag? Cry? She has sorted it out now. We don't even know if the bloke is single, do we? But anyway it's beside the point now as she has told him she isn't!

It's like a dick denied is the only thing that matters in the world ffs!

crochetmonkey74 · 28/11/2018 11:56

Good text OP- I think you should expect him to cancel Saturday though- to save face- but at least he knows now

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2018 13:10

Say she is indeed a slag? Cry?

What an extreme, nasty and uncalled for post.

The point is, she should maybe think about why she didn't mention it. Is she feeling like she's missing some attention from her partner, missing some excitement, not being made to feel attractive, feeling it's a bit mundane?

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 28/11/2018 13:11

I reckon he'll cancel between now and Saturday, now he knows.

Mookatron · 28/11/2018 13:17

I don't think it's a nasty post or an especially extreme one given that 'slaggy' is one word that's been used on this thread about the OP.

What I do think is nasty is all the veiled and unveiled accusations that the OP is unpleasant and underhand and 'knew what she was doing' when in fact she says she made an error of judgement and we have no reason to disbelieve that. The thread reads like a court session of the poor woman's morals.

That said, I didn't mean to offend you personally and so I'm sorry if you felt offended by my post.

Sethis · 28/11/2018 13:18

More likely he'll go ahead with it and be as nice as possible under the circumstances. No point pushing a potential future option further away than necessary.

lily2403 · 28/11/2018 13:31

It’s a date, poor guy and poor bf. Tell him you have a fb

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2018 13:39

I'm not offended at all. It just seems a bit over the top.

littlemeitslyn · 28/11/2018 15:20

Deffo date 😘

ErickBroch · 28/11/2018 15:27

Reality: OP is in denial that she has an attraction to this colleague. I can already see how this will end

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 28/11/2018 15:28

O dear op you didn’t think this through. If you had a crush on this man you would be over the moon that he asked you out on a date.
It’s not a date for you so you are projecting that onto him. I bet he thinks it is a date. Poor guy.

Baking101 · 28/11/2018 18:03

And yet she was supposed to know what he thought about the meeting originally?

Everyone else managed to realise, and she did too, that's why she asked 'is this a date?'. She knew it was, and I agree with ErickBroch that chances are, op actually does fancy this guy and doesn't want to admit it.

OHolyNightOwl · 28/11/2018 18:09

The OP is getting a lot of stick for something the majority themselves are just assuming. He might not AT ALL thought it was a date after all. We don't know that for sure without hearing from the guy.

OHolyNightOwl · 28/11/2018 18:23

Whether this friendship develops into something else for BOTH parties is surely up to them. Why would that be so wrong?
If that happens I'm sure the OP would break up with her boyfriend first.

However noone can say this will happen for SURE. What could happen for sure is them becoming good friends however.

Nacreous · 28/11/2018 18:49

You've had a roasting Op. I can. See why you thought what you did, I really can. I hope you have a lovely weekend!