This isn't a date right?

[mimipaw]

I just started a started a new job. One of the other trainees and I have been getting on and have a similar attitude/sense of humour. I have definitely been making the effort to be friendly just for the sake of camaraderie as much as anything else. Definitely wouldn't say we've been flirting just having a laugh together/swapping notes. I did ask last week if he wanted to meet up for coffee and then travel to a meeting together as I wanted to distract myself from nerves. The other day he texted asking if I wanted to go get a drink on Saturday, I said sure as I know it would be fun/rude to say no. I mentioned it in passing to my boyfriend who reckons my colleague has asked me on a date. Aibu to think my dp is being ridiculous especially as he hasn't seen how we interact? Dp can't come on Saturday (not that I'd want him to) and I'm not going to cancel.

defo a date, you sound like you know this too but your trying to justify it. Your DP is right, feel sorry for him

Yeah it's a date - after work, I wouldn't think so, but Saturday night? Date.

I'd text to cancel because BF has planned something and you didn't know, but rearrange for during the week. This gives him an out without making an advance, you still get to hang out with him as friends, and he knows about DP.

If you don't want to cancel, you need to find a casual way of mentioning BF before Saturday, otherwise, things could get awkward and he might feel embarrassed.

Sounds like a date to me!

Well, you could always say, "Yeah, a drink would be nice sometime, but on Saturday I'm seeing BF so won't be able to meet you then. Perhaps one night after work?"

You need to say something now, 'love to, just have to check with Dave first as I think he had wanted to do something then'. Then when he asks who's Dave you say BF and it's not awkward trying to mention it on the night.

Ha, cross post HallowTalk

So you don’t have any interest in your colleague but you are very happy to flirt?! You are totally out of order. If my DH did this with a female worm colleague I’d be furious.

Maybe your DP should go out with a female colleague for drinks on Saturday and you could double date.

I think you’re being very naive hete or you’re well aware of the situation and you’re trying to justify.
You’re already getting on with this chap so what’s the need for a drink.
You haven’t told him about your bf. you don’t want your boyfriend to go because it’s weird iyo.

To me, you’re either trying to make bf jealous, or you’re in need of attention. I don’t know many people who meet up with opp sex for Saturday night drinks unless both single OR are know to partners and partners are comfortable.

I meet male and female colleagues out of work all the time. So does my DH. I think it is really important to foster relationships with colleagues.

One thing though - he IS aware you have a DH right??

But I generally meet colleagues after work during week. So 8-10pm - not on a Saturday night until they're closer, then might invite their partners and we'll all go for a meal etc.

We've started an intensive placement together and trainees are expected to get to know one another. I genuinely haven't gone along with this for attention. I honestly could take or leave going out (I'm a bit of homebody) but I didn't want to come across rude as it's nice having a "friend" in quite a stressful work environment. Also, couldn't say no as I had already said I had no plans besides binge-watching a box set.

Poor guy thinks he's met a nice girl at work, have a lot in common, been for coffee and is going out on a date with her Saturday night.

As you haven't even mentioned your boyfriend then I'm pretty sure that to him (colleague) it's a date.

Cancel it and say you'd forgotten that you have plans with your boyfriend that Saturday. That way you can both pretend that it was never a date and stay friends in the office, otherwise it would be really awkward if he makes a move and you completely rebuff him, because he will feel you had previously indicated interest.

I wouldn't be happy about it if I were your boyfriend.

How old are you all?

It's clearly a date.

If you get on like a house on fire, but he's not physically your type well..stranger things have happened!

If you have great banter at work some guys are going to think it's flirting even if it's not.

If you are tempted to see him maybe it's time to reassess your relationship? Be honest with yourself and everything else will fall into place.

Canaryyellow1 I've been friendly but definitely wouldn't consider it flirting.

Definitely a date. Why wouldn't you mention your boyfriend at all? Surely that would be first thing to come up in normal conversation between colleagues eg did you have a good weekend, yes I went to cinema with bf or do you live near work yes we rent a flat in x town etc, oh do you live with flatmates, no I live with bf.

He almost certainly thinks it's a date.

You need to be clear to this guy it's not a date.

Lots of my mates are blokes, and I'd happily meet them in a pub for a drink and a chat without thinking anything of it. Difference is, we both know it's not a date, and my DP would be more than welcome to come along if he was free.

QueenoftheNights mid 20s

One thing though - he IS aware you have a DH right??

OP is not married. she has a boyfriend. they don't live together.

Yep, it's a date

Feeling quite sorry for your boyfriend. You don’t seem to have any concern for his feelings at all. If you want to get to know colleagues, include a mix, and stick to coffee.

If you really aren’t bothered, don’t go. Say you’d forgotten you have something on with your lovely boyfriend.

No plans? So your boyfriend is just back up?

Op

How long have you been seeing your boyfriend? Is it serious? Is he The One?

If he is and you are both sure, you've got to let this guy down gently as he clearly thinks he has met a nice woman at work and wants to take her on a date. You must find an excuse to decline- say something has come up- anything- like a friend has just split up with her BF and you need to comfort her!

It's a date. Or at least, he thinks it could lead to one.

I often have coffee/drinks with male business colleagues, but they all know I'm happily married. I make sure they know this.

Ozziewozzie Hand on heart I am not trying to make my boyfriend jealous. I assumed because we're both new to the area it would be a good way to explore. I know he doesn't like his flatmate so assumed he doesn't have many people to get a drink with.

How about you say to him something like...

Looking forward to Saturday. Just need to let you know my other half seems to think you might think we're on a date. I said don't be ridiculous, it's just nice to get out with new colleagues. But I'm letting you know on the small chance my OH's over active imagination is right in any way!
Looking forward to it. see you at