To ask how many people are haplily marrried to their soul mate and how many people feel they 'settled'?

[Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon]

As title suggests.. im not looking for judgements and ceiticism but interested to know if many women on here spent their 20s and early 30s focussed on their career and independence etc and suffendly mid 30s panicked, wanted a family and 'settled'? Im 37 soon and realistically times running out for a family.. do you settle for a decent guy and have a family knowing thr relationship may not last or do you 'hold out for true love' and run the very real risk of missing out on longed for children??

Thirty. Single. 70% thinking I want to have kids but no real prospects. Still slightly concerned I have had my 'soul mate' and let him go...

What to do? Hoping to still meet someone who is the One... or at least One of the Ones for me

we met when we were both 17, now 42 and are still incredibly happy. No-one understands me or makes me laugh the way my Dh does. BUT in a perfect world I sometimes wish we'd met later, played the field a little bit...... worry slightly that the relationship might run it's course....

I actually think quite a few of my friends have settled, they just don’t seem to have much in common with their partners. Plus some have met, married & had kids in 2 years, it’s a lot.

I met DH at 20 but was very conscious that I didn’t want to marry young so we waited 9 years. I think you doing a lot of growing in your 20s, we are now mid 30s with kids & he’s still my best friend, great support & physically i’m very attracted to him. He’s not perfect & marriage takes work & I don’t really believe in soulmates but I couldn’t ever imagine feeling about someone else the way I do him.

@M4J4 you have misunderstood - I was not calling anyone jealous who had to who had to work on their relationship - the posters I was suggesting might be jealous are the ones who seem determined to dismiss someone who feels they have met their soulmate - it’s a beautiful thing that someone feels that way.
Dh is my one and only - he’s the only man I have ever loved and he’s a good’un. Some of the things mentioned as “working on a relationship” are things that I have done - but I’ve not really thought of it in terms of “working hard” but maybe I have? I just didn’t see it in those terms.

@Babdoc

I do think i could be happy with a new partner just not as happy. I hardly ever see/meet men I actually find attractive!

OMG there is such a thing as a soulmate. I met my husband 28 years ago and we are on the same level in so many ways it’s almost spooky! I can’t even imagine, even in my wildest dreams, being with any other man. He is amazing and I am so grateful for every single minute of every day I have with him.
I don’t know if this is rare, I get the impression it might be. Just don’t give up hope x

I was going to comment about all the posters on here saying they met their partners at 20 or so & totally agree with Canaryyellow1. DH & I have definitely moulded each other & I think our relationship has been much easier because there is more trust/optimism, less baggage, etc.

Sorry, to answer your question, I definitely didn’t settle. He was my second husband. I wasn’t making the first mistake again and I was 30 when I met my wonderful 2nd husband.

For those that feel they settled does it affect your sex life?

Met at 56 , married at 63
Very happy
Certainly not settled

Could murder him sometimes though and I think he could do the same to me.

Love him very much and he’s just lovely...I’m hoping for another 30 years together

I definitely settled. I met him when I was 19 and everyone knew that we were not right for each other, but we got along. Married, had children and we just muddled through. Then I met someone who is just perfect for me, we got divorced, and am now with the man I should have been with.

I met my late DH when we were both 37. I had never considered marrying anyone else. We had a lovely time. He was a very special, near extraordinary person, and not only me and DD, but the very many people whose lives he crossed.

Definitely didn't settle.

I think we have lots of “soul mates” out there, it’s just a matter of finding one. It’s just the term used for one that thinks like you in every aspect of life.

It makes me sad for myself when reading that a lot of mums netters didn’t settle but married a soul mate. I wish I had more sense 30 years ago and not just settled.

And I know that head over heels, sonic boom, hopelessly in love feeling, just wished it had come along before I married just to settle and have children.

Cantfocus1 ..... yes.

Agree withItsnotme123 that are lots potential soulmates, just meeting them's the thing.

For myself the thought of living with a man is not appealing, and nothing to do with my late DH. I could entertain the idea of a gentleman caller, though.

I love my dh but don't feel madly in love with him, like the films would portray. I don't think that exists though, really.

I wouldn't say I focused on my career in my 20s but I did have a few unsuitable relationships so spent a few years on my own to try and get out of that cycle.

Met dh at 28 and I suppose I settled because he treated me well, we had fun, we got on well, and the love kind of grew as a slow burner.

We are happy now but life isn't easy with lots of debt, a low income, 2 fairly young children and not much time for each other.

Occasionally I catch myself thinking that I wish we'd not had children or even that I wish I'd stayed single, but that only tends to come when I have pmt.

Don’t settle. You have lots of time to find the right man for you, and you don’t need a man to have children. I always said that I would have kids by myself if I didn’t meet anyone. It was the one thing I knew I had to do.
As it turned out I met dh when I was 23, and we were smitten from the moment we were introduced. That was almost 20 years ago now, and although at times I have felt like strangling him, I know that we are definitely soulmates and neither of us can imagine a life without the other. I think we are incredibly lucky tbh. One of my closest friends settled, for someone who was always going to be successful & wealthy. She has had a very tough time, and is pretty miserable. Personally I think it would be easier to be on your own than to have to try to make things work with someone you struggle to be with.

I haven’t settled. I would think carefully - once you have DC your life changes dramatically. You spend so much of your time with DH it’ll become even more important that you really love and get on with this person.

Pre - dh I was rather superficially, looking for someone cool, a bit distant, someone I had to work hard to get and when I got a man like this, the chase was over and I ended it pretty quickly.

A new flatmate moved in and her detailed descriptions of her very romantic relationships made me pause and consider what I really wanted...I know it sounds weird but I was a total ladette in the 90s and romance was always something I derided.

I met my dh when I was 28, he was kind, funny, geeky, interesting and totally open about how he felt about me and I went from being a love skeptic to falling truly, madly, deeply almost over night - got engaged and married within six months - that was 20 years ago. I can't imagine ever being with someone else, he is amazing and he thinks I'm amazing.
He is my best friend and my greatest fan.

I settled. Wasn't a conscious decision but I see now that I did & I think he did too. Thing is we always got on together, he's a decent guy & 'ticked all the boxes'. I thought that feeling the way I did was just how it was when you've been with someone long term. Last week he ended our marriage out of the blue. I was shocked, still am. We didn't argue, got on & acted like normal married couple but i guess we just didn't love each other enough.
Next time I won't settle. I'd rather be alone than with someone I dont fully love 100% & who feels the same.

I don't believe in soul mates. I am happily married to DH though. We've been married for 10 years and he was my first and only boyfriend. We also had a long term relationship from the beginning and met online when we were 15. We went through countless hardships in the beginning of our relationship, but it only cemented us together.

I just think we were lucky. That being said, I'm sure I could be happy in another relationship, I'm just not sure I would be as happy as I am with DH.

I don't think settling is a good idea, but I also don't think you should be lost in the idea of finding your soul mate.

@EvaReady I too married a 'geek' - also thought I wanted a 'cool' leather bomber wearing (going back 15 years) sort of guy. I didn't. Absolutely love being with someone sharp, capable and intelligent - I didn't realise how much of a turn on that could be.

I settled. Had my baby. Now very happily single.

I feel that anyone who will 'make do' with settling will maybe be the type to have a child as an insurance policy for their old age.

Both strategies will very likely end in tears.