To ask how many people are haplily marrried to their soul mate and how many people feel they 'settled'?

[Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon]

As title suggests.. im not looking for judgements and ceiticism but interested to know if many women on here spent their 20s and early 30s focussed on their career and independence etc and suffendly mid 30s panicked, wanted a family and 'settled'? Im 37 soon and realistically times running out for a family.. do you settle for a decent guy and have a family knowing thr relationship may not last or do you 'hold out for true love' and run the very real risk of missing out on longed for children??

This is really interesting- 10 years ago I would have told you I was settling, now I realise I didn't know what love was. We have been through, each of us has left at some point, but we now have a bond that has grown with us through it all. Sometimes I play with the idea that we were meant to be, but in reality I think we were atteacted to one another and went for it.

should day we've been through hell. Real love is choosing to stay and find them intetesting and attractive. It's a choice not magic.

Happily married.

He’s not my soul-mate though. The stuff he comes out with! Sheeeesssshhhhh!

I’m late 20s and I’ve been with DH for 8 years now, we were good friends before that for around 3 years.
We have one beautiful DS and at no point have I ever yearned for anything else.

‘Soulmate’ sounds twee but he is just that, a true other half, and I’m grateful that I met him so young so we (hopefully) get many, many more happy years together.

We’ve had a rough ride the past few years with personal losses and money worries but we’re stronger than ever.
I know, it’s sickly sweet. 😂

I don’t believe in souls, angels or any stuff like that.

I don't think I could of ever 'settled' I met my partner at 14 but only got together 4 years ago. Neither of us spoke about how we felt about each other until then! He is amazing. He works so hard, cooks, cleans, a fab dad to my 2dc from previous relationship and to our 1 year old son. He's the type who buys me flowers or a plant or just a chocolate bar just because he knew I'd like it! I would choose to spend time with him over anyone else. I still get excited when I hear him get home from work.

Me too. And it didn’t work out for us either. But I have two fantastic kids who have a wonderful Dad so do I regret it, not at all

Better to be single than to feel settled surely? Weirdly I married the man who told me that...

I find this very interesting because out of my friends no one is still with a long term partner or husband. Not one.
My personal view is that relationships with a romantic partner don't tend to last and that consequently you are better off just seeing people and not living with them.

Definitely settled - after breakdown of 4 yr relationship with man I absolutely adored - I actually didn't want to love anyone that much again and risk the hurt. So I settled - he's always loved me more than I loved him, 4 super children but now I really don't love him at all now and would sooo like to be single but he's a good provider and I don't want to give up my lifestyle or the beautiful home and privileges that my children are accustomed to.
Life is all about compromise - I know very very few genuinely happy couples who have been together over 10 years.
I think you're a realist which is unusual on MN - it's usually "the most wonderful DH in the universe" or "abusive arse"
I truly believe that the majority are muddling on dreaming of past lovers (and ex-flatmate-sigh) And that's ok. Not ideal, but ok.

Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon I'm old now and a granny even. I fell in love and believed he was a soul-mate. He was cruel and a Narcissist. I know many other people, some younger who have done either one of these scenarios. I know some who married soul mates and are together and although after over 10 years are saying they are happy I think they are not happy and have given up their career so that soul mate could have his. I also know some who were in two minds about getting married because they weren't head over heals in love but were good friends and now 10 + years on are actually happier looking than the soul-mated ones.

I think some people aren't swept off their feet. If you find someone whom you really trust, you get on with extremely well, and you respect, then you will probably find that you could love that person if he truly is a good man. It's a bit like the old fashioned idea of arranged marriages. They weren't all bad. Most parents tried to make sure their offspring were happy and tried to make it possible for them to get the right person and did not force them to marry if they did not get on. If you meet a good person and you like him a lot, as I said, don't worry if it isn't all amazing and overwhelming and lovey dovey. But do be sure you can live amicably with this person for at least the next five years, preferably the childhoods of any children. I don't think any of us can see further than that.
Good luck!!! My other friend, single aged 37, just had a baby. None of us know the father, think it was donor, because she wanted to be a mother. She's a perfect person to be a mum. I hope all goes well for you.
Oh! P.S. My friends in their 80s - she confided, her first soul-mate love - she left him, and married on rebound. Her husband of 50+ years she loves dearly but has never felt that spark for, yet thinks he is a far better life partner than the exciting one. Her husband just adores her in his rather quiet undemonstrative way.

Don't put men off by giving away what your mumsnet name tells us!! Try not to worry! Go out and enjoy life!

I think for some people better to be single than settle, but again, not everyone. Some people might 'settle' and feel 'I've done OK, this was worth it', others might settle and feel miserable every time they meet a person they think they could have been with instead, or just reflect that this wasn't what they wanted. And ditto to remaining single - you might wait an age and be disappointed, or to feel it's worth it to have waited and eventually found the right person. I think most people know what's right for them on the 'Wait for The One/be pragmatic for Mrs/Mrs Right-Enough' front

My OH and I got engaged after a year, married after 5. Gave up any expectation of a family after 16 years - and somehow now have 14 year old twins!

We’ve now been together 31 years and I can honestly only point to one major ‘blip’ in our relationship about 20 years ago - which we worked through.

We put up with each other’s foibles and try never to go to bed on a row.

We see ourselves as a team (if that’s not considered trite) and he has been my mainstay now that I am disabled.

And, yes, I consider him to be my soulmate.

Yes, I am happily married and to my soulmate. We've been together since I was 18, he was 21. Married when I was 21. We've been married 11 and a half years, together 15 in February and have one DS. He genuinely is my best friend.

If you really are 'desperate to be a mum and are 37 - just go for it, you can do it alone if it doesn't work out.
I know two women who went and had sperm donated babies - both so happy, one with a DD, one with twins, one of each. Mums and kids all happy. At 37 you can't afford to wait (says she who had last at 44!)

Anyone under 30 insisting that their current spouse is their soulmate (even more so if they have no DC yet) makes me internally laugh and calculate the odds on it lasting till next Christmas.

Starter marriages aren't necessarily a bad thing, of course - though it would probably be less messy and tiresome if you just shagged each other till you got bored and then moved on.

winniestone37. Yes. Being together, married or living together, takes work on both sides, it isn't the magic "We're so in love" thing that makes a relationship, it's working through the niggles and disagreements and deciding to stick at it because you both love each other in a far deeper way, a more boring way possibly, but a way that respects each other and recognises how lucky you are to have each other.

If a partner is not playing their part, though, and is abusing the relationship or even suggesting their partner should put up with them whatever they do, then this is wrong!

ReanimatedSGB a bit harsh! I married DH our 20’s and by your logic we shouldn’t have lasted past the following Christmas. Still very happily married 10 years on!

I wasn’t exactly “concentrating” on my nursing career. I just didn’t meet “the one”. I have been engaged twice. My first fiancé decided six weeks before the wedding that he didn’t want to settle down. My second was, how can I put it...cheating BEFORE the planning of the wedding so, I walked away from that. I was single for years and then at 36 met DH. Had DS at 38. I do wish I’d have been younger but it’s impossible to plan these things.

I'm not sure if I believe in the concept of soulmates as such, but DH and I have been together since we were 14, and it was just a couple of weeks ago we marked 26 years to the day that DH first asked me out! We got married two days after my 22nd birthday. DH had turned 22 five weeks earlier. I don't think many people gave us much of a chance, but we're still going strong.

I am not going to lie, there have been times when I've (briefly) wondered if I did it all too soon, but then I look at DH, and I cannot imagine loving anyone the same way, or simply being with anyone else.

Soulmate? Like I said, I'm not sure I believe in that concept. However, I definitely didn't settle, I was too young to settle!

Didn’t settle for DH but I love him dearly. We never had children but I’d rather be childless with him than have children with somebody else.

I was lucky to find my soul mate (urgh hate that word!) when I was at uni, although we did break up at the end of uni and had a couple of years apart, I went off and travelled etc. We both had the chance to find other people in that time but neither of us did. I loved him all along, he assumed that my life had moved on (my Facebook did make it look like I was having the time of my life and I was!). I dated a few other people in that time but it never went anywhere, I knew who I wanted. So when I came back after travelling I decided I needed to be sure there was no chance, I asked him out for a drink, he said yes, we met up and that was that. He told me a few years down the line that he knew that night that he’d marry me, I knew too. I’ve never felt anything for anyone remotely close to how I feel about him, if I hadn’t ended up marrying him I’m pretty sure he’d have always been the one that got away. (That all sounds so sickly, sorry!)

We’ve been back together 10 years now and are married with 2 children under 3. It’s not perfect all the time, real life is hard. But I certainly didn’t settle, he is my soulmate.

If I hadn’t met him so young and hit 35 single I might have been tempted to settle. I’m not sure a relationship like that would survive having kids but if your desire for children is so strong, I guess you wouldn’t care.

Settled for my exH after a lot of idiots.Im soo happy with Dh we are much better suited and I adore him.

Absolute soul mate, no doubt in the world.

It depends on what you feel a soulmate is. For many its mr perfect. In reality it sometimes is but we have more than one often leaving our lives again to help us learn life lessons. that however is from a spiritual stand point.