To ask how many people are haplily marrried to their soul mate and how many people feel they 'settled'?

[Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon]

As title suggests.. im not looking for judgements and ceiticism but interested to know if many women on here spent their 20s and early 30s focussed on their career and independence etc and suffendly mid 30s panicked, wanted a family and 'settled'? Im 37 soon and realistically times running out for a family.. do you settle for a decent guy and have a family knowing thr relationship may not last or do you 'hold out for true love' and run the very real risk of missing out on longed for children??

My husband and I met when we were 20 and at university. After working, travelling, working again to buy our first home, getting married at 29, saving again, we had our first child when I was 32 and have had two more since. I've loved my husband from the moment we first met and I knew we were going to marry and have a family and wonderful life together. But he is not my soul mate - that is something quite different. It is a spiritual connection that you have with someone that goes beyond love. I met my soul mate (a man) when I had just turned 40. A soul mate has nothing to do with love, sex, romance - it is a connection to your soul, not your heart.
Those that say they are married to their soul mate are spouting a cliché. Not everyone in life meets a soulmate but if you do, it would be strange to be marrying them.

Neither. I have to confess I 'drifted' into marriage. I was 30, quite content with being single, and fully expected to be have cats rather than children. Sounds decidedly odd now! Yesterday he rang me, then called me back five minutes later and said "I forgot to say I love you". I think we must be doing something right as we've now been together for 26 years.

I have been with dh for 30 years. Until recently, i would have said thst he was my soulmate. However, he's changed. Become bitter and grouchy.

I would have told you that he's my soulmate up until a year ago. Now. I would prefer to live on my own. I finally got him to listen to me a week ago. He's realized what event precipitated changed him and is finally ready to try to return to himself.

I did not settle. But i think i could have been happy differently with a couple other men.

I love our children and can't imagine a different father. He's a wonderful father and our dc have many of his good qualities.

3 things:

1. your children will be half his. I.e. SIMILAR.
2. Whatever annoys you now will drive you crazy later.
3. I was in your shoes and i made a list of men i knew and a list of what was important to me. I basically worked out who was the best fit.

Luckily. He liked me too.
Best wishes. Like turns into love sometimes and he was a good friend who shared the same humor and morals with me.

I settled yes - I will admit that. We had dated before and I found him dull and there wasn't much passion. Truth be told I wad getting scared and had been through a hurtful breakup 12 weeks before I got with dh.
He's traditional and not passionate but a really great man and brilliant father. I literally couldn't ask for someone more decent- he drives me mad. He's a bit monotone and serious at times but I love him. He is a brilliant friend to me. We are totally suited emotionally and intelligence (of that makes sense - we talk for hours)

Sometimes I pine for a bit of passion really but I have security and a beautiful home - we both have strong careers and two good dc.

Life is never going to be perfect.

Don't settle for someone just to get pregnant. There's no guarantee 'Mr He'll Do' would be fertile! Ask yourself, would I want to be with this man if we couldn't/didn't have children? If the answer is yes, you haven't settled for anything. Good luck x

Maybe it is pertinent: we met at 25 and 27. At work. Married at 28/31. 1 year friends. I told him i wouldn't live with him without marrying so 1 year pre-engaged, 1 year engaged while living together. It was firm, up front, that marriage was gonna happen. But we were head over heels anyway.

Celebrating my 12th wedding anniversary next week and I can honestly say that I love my husband more now than when we got married. So in answer to your question I’m very happily married.

I went clubbing the other weekend and one of my friend’s “soul mate” was out too and looked an awful lot like he was about to mate with someone else .....

I think if you asked this question to all the other halves of the ones who have said yes on this thread, you’d get mixed results.

Do soul mates exist? What is a soul mate?

I met my DP at 37 (in fact a few days before my 38th Birthday). I’d been in a pretty toxic relationship for 12 years and had been single (ish) for 4 years before we met. I was happy being single. Great career, fab friends and I really loved my life. My DP is 7 years younger than me and to begin with that put me off. But he was persistent and we clicked. He didn’t want kids and I wasn’t sure but concious of my biological clock. When we discussed it (we’d been together a year) we decided that it was too early anyway and we’d park the conversation for a year. 3 months later I was pregnant. Completely unplanned. He was a little unsure but came round to the idea after a few weeks and was fantastic throughout my pregnancy. I’m now 40 with a ten month old daughter.

She is amazing and my DP is the most fantastic dad and she is besotted with him (feeling is definitely mutual). I was desperately in love with him before (thankfully the feeling is mutual) but seeing him with our little girl has just increased my love for him so much.

Having a baby is really hard on a relationship. Even a really good and strong one. We didn’t really know each other very well before she came along, it was still a relatively new relationship (Hadn’t even been together 2 years when she was born) but thankfully we have just gone back from strength to strength.

Is he my soul mate? Genuinely, I don’t know. I know I would be lost without him and he makes my life infinately better.

If that emotional and physical connection is what it takes to be soul mates then maybe but I also know that whatever you want to label it I am very lucky to have an amazing relationship and I certainly don’t feel like I have settled! 😊

Married my husband when I was 19. 35 years later we are still best friends and comfortable together. I think marriage, like life, goes through different phases. We are currently rediscovering ourselves as a couple as our children have left home and our work situations are changing. We may not be exactly as we were as newly-weds but are still in love therefore I agree with the posters who say it’s important to keep
at the relationship

My husband is my soulmate. We first dated when I was at school and I ended it 🤦‍♀️ I ended up marrying a total shit. We got back together nearly 4 years ago and I have literally never been happier. He’s my best friend.

@Evaready - if you don’t have to work at your relationship you’re very lucky. However, most relationships have ups and downs and become more difficult when kids enter the picture, eg you don’t have quality time together , you’re using your emotional energy on your child, you’re tired, you don’t feel like being intimate etc....Therefore in order to keep the relationship alive and ensure you’re not just going through the motions you need to ensure you make time for yourselves, ie work. It’s only in recent years that we’ve had the luxury of living longer and therefore being married longer. To ensure the relationship stays vital and alive many people find they need to put effort in. If not there wouldn’t be the beed for marriage counselling !

I met my partner very young.He is the one I fell for .I like others here dont believe he is the only person out there but he is the one I happened to meet.The idea of a soulmate to me suggests that you meet the right one for you and for the rest of your time together are madly in love.It isnt like that.Its hard work at times but we work hard at it.The love we had for each other initially has changed.It is more comfortable a deeper love based upon the ups and downs life has thrown at us.I dont think anyone should settle for someone who isnt less than perfect for them as it wouldnt last the good and bad times you will need to get through together.

No she is not cynical. Happily married for 27 years but we are compatible not blimming soulmates! Soulmate suggest there is one person for the other which is very wishy-washy it is obviously, a fantasy and nothing scientific about that at all. good for you if you think you found your soul mate. It doesn't mean it's a thing

My DP is kind, funny, caring and a great dad to our dd and for these reasons I love him. Is he my soulmate though? Nope, I don’t really know what that means. I think there’s lots of people in the world whom you can be very happy with - it’s just chance who you meet.

I’ve had the big full of lust relationships in the past but Ultimately they fizzled out. This is something longer burning and when I met DP I just knew he was going to be the type of bloke he is and that’s what I needed in my life.

My life now is very settled, happy and contented. It’s not amazingly exciting but I don’t want anything else. I think I’ve won the lottery really and I don’t think agonising over whether DP is my soulmate or not would make me any happier.

Sometimes I think people just have to appreciate what they do have rather than wondering if things could be better.

What’s with all the posters dissing the posters who feel they have found their soul mate - what harm are they doing you? jealousy is an ugly emotion!

jealousy is an ugly emotion!

Oh that’s so tired 🙄

@EvaReady

Posters are answering your question on what it means to work at a relationship (making time for each other, put effort in etc) and you're accusing them of being jealous. That's very rude.

My current DP damaged our relationship early on by getting cold feet after I moved in and saying we just weren’t right for each other.

It made me very very insecure and we broke up a couple of times but got back together.

Ironically now he’s realised that I am the one for him. However because he faffed around so much it does now feel to me I’ve settled.

Don’t settle.
From someone who went from 5 years with the wrong guy, to 8 years now with the right one, I didn’t know how miserable I was until I found someone who was “the one”.

I also could never have raised my children without his support which I would never have received from my ex.

Do all the posters that say you have to work at marriage or that marriage is hard work have children?

I ask because me and DH don't and honestly don't feel we have had to work at our marriage. Neither takes the other for granted and we both like to do thoughtful things for the other but surely you would if you love someone?

Settled. Don’t do it!

My partner and I met when I was 22 and he was 26. Statistically, we shouldn't still be together. However, when I first met him, I felt that I had found the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. We've had so many challenges, he's an undiagnosed Aspie, we've been through parental loss, financial issues, miscarriage, illness etc.
14 years later, still going strong. I feel that we've brought out the best in each other and we've encouraged each other to be the best we can be.

He still makes me laugh, I still get butterflies when I meet him out in public or see his name on my phone.

I no longer believe in romantic bollocks. Much nicer to be with someone you trust . I do love my partner and its a steady sort of love. I have know passionate love and its amazing and then it fizzles out.

Soul mate.

Got married in our early 30s.