Friend let me down again

[Mumspet42]

I have a long time friend, she’s in her mid twenties and is a really nice person but she has cancelled on me today for the third time in a row. She has migraines and had yet another one today which has annoyed me , I probably am being unreasonable but she won’t help herself. She’s been to couple of doctors (gp) and I think a clinic and has some pills but she could do more surely.

She says when she has one she has to lie down and can’t eben talk on the phone, I work very long hours and wish I had entire days to just go to bed! That sounds harsh but I know her meds work a lot of the time and she is just ‘recovering’ from them as they apparently make her feel bad. But I think sometimes we need to get out, fresh air is good for us and much better than being in a dark room breathing the same air for hours. Plus I think a distraction would help too. I just think we need to help ourselves sometimes, my brother had panic attacks for years but gradually started facing his fears and they did get better!

Am I cold in my attitude? I just find it such a waste of time! Plus it’s not nice being cancelled on several times in a row.

I'm surprised you have any friends

This has got to be a reverse. Either that or thank god you’ve never experienced a migraine op.

They’re not just “headaches”.

You’re not a friend of hers

Have you ever had a migraine?

Is it that you don't believe she is having these migraines or you think she's exaggerating them and using them as an excuse to cancel plans? Or do you genuinely think she isn't seeking enough medical attention?

YABU you've obviously never suffered from a migraine. The tablets shorten the length of the migraine but you feel awful for hours, sometimes a couple of days. You can't shake it off and go for a lovely walk.

Is this a reverse?

Wow ok I’m glad I posted as seeing things a bit differently...no I’ve never had one but I know they’re more than a headache. I don’t necessarily mean she should do more during the actual migraine but in general to prevent them.
I’d never say any of this to her btw, she’s a lovely person and very supportive.

I just feel frustrated and wish she’d help herself, diet and exercise for example.

I'm guessing reverse, yawn

I understand that you must be disappointed. And it's not nice to be cancelled on. But yes. You are being cold. And unreasonable. I get migraines and a dark room and a lie down is the only thing I can do with them. Meds only partially help and have their own side effects.

I wouldn't be your friend with that attitude

Thank god you have never had a migraine

The aftermath of a bad migraine can leave me in bed for a day at least and if i move around too soon after i find myself suffering all over again

How can you get out in the fresh air when you are in intense pain and light makes it worse? Plus she can't focus to be safe when out?

You could always disable yourself in some way, then you can have days to lie in bed.

I had hormonal migraines when I was younger, they are an awful thing to suffer from.

She's been to doctors and clinics and us taking medication, yet you believe she could do more - like what, exactly?

Initially i was going to respond sympathetically as I’m sure being cancelled on several times is tres ennuyeuse. But the deeper into your post I got, the more #teamfriend I became.

However

Am I cold in my attitude?

Among other things.

Youve clearly never had a migrain.

Birrdy: a bit of all of those things you said. I do think sometimes her tablets work but she doesn’t want to meet me or just wants to stay in and uses it as the reason, not for attention but it’s just convenient. And no, she doesn’t try more to seek out alternative therapies for example.

This is either a reverse, or you have no idea what a migraine is.

Migraines can be food triggered. I had terrible migraines in my 20s until my father told me how he dealt with his: cut out citrus, caffeine, chocolate, nuts and excessive red meat. Red wine can also be a trigger. Tell your friend about this. I hardly ever have a migraine now but when I did have them they were crippling.

You've obviously never had a migraine and you don't sound like a very nice person. She's better off without you.

Oh I see your suggestions now. Diet (with the exception of avoiding proven triggers- which presumably your friend us already doing) and exercise do NOTHING to reduce migraines.

Op

You're clearly an expert please enlighten us migraine suffers with your cure

Yabu.

I suffer from migraines, and it is one of the most awful type of pain that I have experienced. My eyesight blurs, I get dizzy, the pain is so extreme that it makes me vomit. After an episode, I am just physically exhausted and I have nothing left to offer anything.

I am lucky, I have a supportive family and friends, they understand when I take to my bed and don't make me feel like an awful person for being ill.

Is this a reverse?

I actually think reversing should be a three-strikes-and-you’re-out offence but the PTB appear not to agree.

There really is hee haw more tedious.

Really? I used to suffer with migraines and was meant to be meeting a friend after work. It'd been a stressful week and I was really looking forward to it. Got to the restaurant and my head started hurting as I began to relax. One quarter into my first glass of wine, and having just ordered starters I began to feel nauseous and couldn't stand the smell of anything. I had to bail on her and she was furious.

Once got a migraine at work and had to be walked from my desk to the medical room as I couldn't open my eyes or hold my head up. Took three hours or lying in the dark (occasionally getting up to vomit) before I could stomach any pain relief, and another three hours to get home ( a 45 minute train journey). Spent the whole weekend in bed trying to feel human.

It's not nice being cancelled on but a migraine is incapacitating. Getting in the 'fresh air doesn't work, as it's too loud, hot/cold, bright and so on.

Panic attacks are very, very different and require different strategies.

If she's lovely and supportive, why aren't you? I have migraines and depending on what triggers them she might not be able to do anything to stop them. It takes me at least a day to start feeling human after a bad one, give her a break!!!!