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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fil coming round unannounced on a Sunday!

280 replies

Toughtips · 25/11/2018 16:21

Aibu to be annoyed by this? I don't want to see him. Dh is downstairs with him atm
I was being a slob sat in my dressing gown and don't really wanna have to change. Aibu to stay upstairs?

OP posts:
Scaramooshfandango · 26/11/2018 10:11

We had just moved house (total relocation and house run down) with two disabled children and husband had to start new FT work within two days. No relatives offered any help whatsoever, but on our second weekend.. A deliberate surprise visit but no offer to help with anything when they knew how desperate and exhausted we were. Both DH and I were fuming that half of one of our precious weekends was utterly scuppered as we had so so much to do when time when DH was home was so sparse.

adviceonthepox · 26/11/2018 10:22

I hate unannounced visitors! I would never just turn up at someone's house and don't understand people who do, my ex mil was always doing it and it drove me crazy! Always at mealtimes or when the babies were asleep after lunch. I used to try and be nice about it and in the end I lost my temper and told her not to call unannounced. Unfortunately that meant I was unreasonable and she never came to my house again Smile

ThePencil · 26/11/2018 10:25

If it's not a regular thing, I'd be fine with it. You don't HAVE to go down and entertain him if you're doing something upstairs, but it would be polite to say hello.

If it's happening regularly, though, I'd get DH to have a word and ask him to call first to check it suits ok.

I do understand that it's annoying when you've planned a quiet afternoon, to have someone arrive unexpectedly, but it happens, and it's nice that he wants to see you (unless there's a massive back story).

FrowningFlamingo · 26/11/2018 10:47

This would annoy me too. Not enough that I'd hide upstairs but I'd ask him to call ahead next time.
I call my parents before I pop to their houses and would expect the same courtesy back.

PBobs · 26/11/2018 10:52

Wow. There are some nasty people on here.

Clothrabbit · 26/11/2018 11:06

Another depressing thread where some posters believe close family members should be treated the same as distant acquaintances or delivery men.

TenForward82 · 26/11/2018 11:34

Why are Brits so weird about being in their comfy pj's or dressing gown at home? You'd think someone walked in on them while they were naked and on the toilet Hmm

SnuggyBuggy · 26/11/2018 11:35

I think most people have a level of presentation they would like to receive guests in.

sonandhelpneeded · 26/11/2018 11:37

@gamerchick no my DIL is not a robot, she's a nice warm person...

sonandhelpneeded · 26/11/2018 11:42

@gamerchick I didn't name call I said OP sounded awful and horrible! It was OP name calling which is why one of her posts has been deleted.

Knob was what she called people not agreeing with her...

gamerchick · 26/11/2018 12:24

gamerchick no my DIL is not a robot, she's a nice warm person

Of that I have no doubt. It's your lack of self awareness im in disbelief at.

@gamerchick I didn't name call I said OP sounded awful and horrible! It was OP name calling which is why one of her posts has been deleted

Do you blame her? Seriously you're still doing it! Hmm she isn't awful or horrible for wanting people to give a heads up before they land on you. What part of that are you struggling with?

gamerchick · 26/11/2018 12:25

And stop tagging me please.

mrpoopybutthole · 26/11/2018 13:06

Visitors, whoever they are should drop a quick text, to say they're coming over, to give u a chance to say "actually it's not convenient right now" or get dressed or whatever.
Please bear in mind though with current mental health awareness (or lack of) that someone may be feeling really low/vulnerable/lonely. They may not be thinking straight, so may not think to call ahead. They may seem ok on the surface, when really they're not and just need to be in others company.
Someone reading comments to this thread may think twice about dropping in on & inconveniencing others, when they really need to.
I don't like ppl turning up unannounced either but will always be welcoming to them because they may really need it.

sonandhelpneeded · 26/11/2018 13:15

@gamerchick why?

OP was the name caller and that's a fact!

Motoko · 26/11/2018 13:22

It's a simple matter of courtesy, to ring or text someone before popping round, to check that it's convenient.

I really don't understand how people cannot see that.

gamerchick · 26/11/2018 13:24

@gamerchick why?

Illustrating my point beautifully Grin

Purpleartichoke · 26/11/2018 14:00

i know I am far along the spectrum on this, but as an introvert with social anxiety, surprise people, no matter how much I love them, are tough.

These days it only takes a second to call or text.

Loyaultemelie · 26/11/2018 14:31

I hate people and I'm fairly bad at hiding it but for a parent or in law (if I was lucky enough to have an in law) I'd probably just stay in my pjs and carry on offer them wine. Even with my ex pils (their ds was an abusive twat but they were brilliant) I was frequently not expecting them but they soon learned to take me as they found me and exmil was always in her dressing gown as soon as she got home.
Dh often talks about how welcoming his dm was and I knew late fil (also frequently seen in his trousers and vest) so I think they wouldn't have found it odd.
Everyone else however can feck off!

Heatherjayne1972 · 26/11/2018 14:39

My fil turned up one Sunday morning when my dc was weeks old
At 6.45am. Because he ‘knew we would be up with the baby!’

We weren’t. We were all asleep
Mil would just turn up and let herself in
They were fun days
Op I get where you’re coming from

TenForward82 · 26/11/2018 14:45

@snuggybuggy it's not just about guests though. I've heard people go on about how they only wear their comfies at home "on a Sunday" as if to wear them any other day/evening of the week is some sort of crime, or tantamount to not washing your hair for a week or something.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/11/2018 15:15

Everyone has their preference for how they present I guess. My DGF would dress for breakfast then immediately redress in slightly smarter clothes to leave the house which I found bizarre.

bourbonbiccy · 26/11/2018 15:29

YANBU unless you live in my house you tell me before you come. I cannot express how much I hate uninvited guests.

All my extended family who I'm quite close to ( uncles, aunties, cousins ), all "pop in" on eachother ...frigg off. I tell all of them and My best mates, even my mum ( who I was closest to in the works) and my father all know you txt to say your coming and wait for an accepting reply.

I want my house and myself to look a certain way when people come to my house in order for me to feel comfortable..do don't just turn up !!!!

As a one off I would hide upstairs for 10 minutes then calm down, get ready and be lovely and then in the way out just say "see you later and next time call ahead " in a nice breezy fashion

hellobeautiful123 · 26/11/2018 17:27

You sound like my DH. Only his family are allowed to do this. Mine have to be invited or sometimes he hides Confused

Boxingmum · 26/11/2018 17:36

I hope you never get a DIL like you, I get it can be frustrating when plans change, sure! But our parents are not around forever, and when they are on their own they get lonely, I'm sure your son didn't mind his dad coming over to spend time together.
Would you feel the same if it was your mother who popped round? ... I doubt it.

Get dressed, put your hair in a scrunchie & go make a cuppa for you all & tell him what a nice surprise it is to see him ... and stop being a selfish twat

Boxingmum · 26/11/2018 17:38

How I'd love for my father to pop in unannounced again, he died in February.... life's to short for this kinda crap, believe me!