Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fil coming round unannounced on a Sunday!

280 replies

Toughtips · 25/11/2018 16:21

Aibu to be annoyed by this? I don't want to see him. Dh is downstairs with him atm
I was being a slob sat in my dressing gown and don't really wanna have to change. Aibu to stay upstairs?

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 25/11/2018 16:57

Unknown

A bit harsh.
But I totally agree, my parents are dead and didn't live close enough to drop in, but they would have been treated the same if they were round the corner. You call first, it's common decency.

justtryingtodoitright · 25/11/2018 16:58

This reminds me of another recent post where the PIL turned up and the OP sat in her room crying whilst they sat in the living room waiting on her DH.

I though that was batshit too....

AmericanEskimoDoge · 25/11/2018 16:58

I'd love to have my grandmother back, but that doesn't change the fact that it can be annoying when people yes, even family! drop by unannounced.

How I'd act would depend on the circumstances. If this is a rarity, I'd probably get dressed, go down, say hi, and go about my business (if it seemed like he and husband were having a nice talk on their own).

If it happens a lot, I'd be more likely to just stay in my room, if I preferred it. I'm sure he's come to see his son more than his DIL, even if you all get along nicely. For all he knows, you might be having a lazy bath or a nap or something.

Flipflop789 · 25/11/2018 16:59

I get you! My PILs used to refuse to text or call beforehand nd turn up unannounced which is annoying enough but used to get really huffy if we werent in....as if i should spend every weekend sat in waiting just in case. Just pick up the phone!!

MrsJane · 25/11/2018 17:03

What time did he turn up? Anything between 11am and 6pm is perfectly acceptable imo.

I'm not keen on surprise visits but surely it's different with family?! I wouldn't make him feel unwelcome.

wentmadinthecountry · 25/11/2018 17:03

I must live in a parallel universe. People drop in from time to time. If I'm just off out I tell them that, but otherwise I have a coffee and a chat with them, whatever I'm wearing. Didn't think it was unusual for people to ring the bell!

Runnynosehunny · 25/11/2018 17:13

I think it's fine to politely request he call first but not stop him coming unless he is a big PITA and causes you actual problems rather than just not liking him in the house. Your dh has equal rights to use the house and one thing people use their house for is entertaining friends and family. If you personally choose not to do that he should still be allowed to do so a reasonable amount. If you don't want to join in spending time with him that's fine but you should be friendly and say hello then excuse yourself as you are busy upstairs MNingwith an important project.

JellieEllie · 25/11/2018 17:18

Does he do this regularly? If so, I'd start making it awkward for him. Clatter about the place in your dressing gown, make coffee for yourself only, passive aggressive "oh sorry wasn't expecting you " and then vanish again to dress and leave the house without further explanation

What a horrible and nasty way to treat an elderly gentleman. Grow up.
If I found out anyone made a member of my family feel so awkward and unwanted I would be disgusted in them.

Weathermonger · 25/11/2018 17:21

I'm with the OP all the way. In-laws are retired, have all the time in the world to do what they want. My husband and I have full time jobs plus for him a lengthy daily commute. We have three kids and the work that entails with activities, appointments, part time jobs, school run, etc. We have to cram a lot into our two day weekend. So yes, when the inlaws turn up unannounced on a weekend and expect us to stop what we're doing for 2 hours to have a chit chat just because it suits them, it is very annoying. I have lost both my parents, and I actually have a very warm relationship with my inlaws, but that doesn't mean we have time to put our day on hold or an unexpected visit.

labazs · 25/11/2018 17:22

he could be lonely he could be close to his son he may even like you but bear one thing in mind he wont be around for ever then you will miss him

Kintan · 25/11/2018 17:26

Do you have children OP - if so I hope they won't be as mean spirited towards you in the future. If your/DH's parents can't pop round without a prior arrangement and there is no massive drip feed coming up, then you are being very unreasonable!

Aridane · 25/11/2018 17:27

Does DH have a problem with his father popping round or is it just you?

whatsthestory123 · 25/11/2018 17:30

oh this again

it always seems to be the in laws

MN just dosent seem to like them very much it seems

E20mom · 25/11/2018 17:31

I hate anyone trying to pop by unannounced.

ElevenSmiles · 25/11/2018 17:36

This is just weird family having to make an appointment to visit.

Armi · 25/11/2018 17:41

I think it’s weird that you aren’t dressed. It was the middle of the afternoon when your FIL came round and you were in your dressing gown. Are you unwell? Get dressed and be a grown up.

CemetaryGates · 25/11/2018 17:42

I really hate unannounced visitors -but not when it's a close family member.

When your children have grown up, do you want to have to call in advance to arrange to visit? Treat others as you wish to be treated.

You don't need to get dressed or put out a red carpet, but I think you are being very rude to just ignore him and stay out of the way because your FIL has the "audacity" to drop by to visit.

ForalltheSaints · 25/11/2018 17:45

YABU not to be dressed at 4 in the afternoon (unless sleeping after a night shift).
YANBU to not want someone calling around unannounced- there are these things called phones nowadays.

sonandhelpneeded · 25/11/2018 17:47

You ABU and damn rude!

If I went to see my son on a Sunday shock horror a Sunday!!! and my DIL was as rude as you I'd be bloody pissed off!

It then in fairness my DIL is a mature and nice person!

Snog · 25/11/2018 17:48

If you would prefer that he call first just ask him to do that.

Presumably he is mainly coming to see his son and/or his GC so wouldn't mind at all for you to read a book upstairs.

I probably wouldn't get dressed for in laws or parents, dressing gown is fine.

notacooldad · 25/11/2018 17:49

Does he do this regularly? If so, I'd start making it awkward for him. Clatter about the place in your dressing gown, make coffee fpr yourself only, passive aggressive "oh sorry wasn't expecting you " and then vanish again to dress and leave the house without further explanatio

Grow up.

How about having a chat instead of suggestion the OP acts like a rude ill mannered teenager.
i wouldn't be furious if my DP did that to my dad if he popped round to see me. Fortunately my DP has good manners.

Yvbmioasp · 25/11/2018 17:49

@CemetaryGates

When your children have grown up, do you want to have to call in advance to arrange to visit?

Of course, I'd hate to disturb them having sex on a Sunday morning.

LoniceraJaponica · 25/11/2018 17:50

I'm waiting for the drip feed

gamerchick · 25/11/2018 17:50

Those who passive aggressively say "but my parents are dead so you should welcome everyone with open arms regardless of circumstances" are bloody disgraceful and should get over themselves

But these threads wouldn't be the same without those posts though Grin

YABU not to be dressed at 4 in the afternoon (unless sleeping after a night shift)

I haven't bothered getting dressed today, in fact I've just had a shower and got back into clean PJ's. It's been bloody lovely all day Wink

I hate dropper inners as well. Just leave them too it OP. Go have a hot bath or something.

fluffiphlox · 25/11/2018 17:50

Really? It used to be utterly normal in my childhood for friends and family to pop in. These days it seems as if you have at least to phone ahead. When did we get so inhospitable? I wish more people would just call in on the off-chance. Shame.