Fil coming round unannounced on a Sunday!

[Toughtips]

Aibu to be annoyed by this? I don't want to see him. Dh is downstairs with him atm
I was being a slob sat in my dressing gown and don't really wanna have to change. Aibu to stay upstairs?

Surely he should be allowed to just drop in without making an appointment. Get your lazy arse ready then you wouldn’t feel awkward people dropping in.

@notacooldad

Telling the OP to grow up is totally out of order. Not everyone likes unannounced visitors. I don't, and I consider myself to be all grown up.

@ThePinkOcelot

Jesus, calling the OP a lazy arse now. Totally out of order.

Maybe the OP was hoping to get back to bed with her DH for some rampant sex. I'd feel annoyed if my plans had been thwarted.

OP you could suggest to your DH that he drop a gentle hint to his Dad - look Dad I'm on a promise on a Sunday, so could you call in later?

@BobbleHat102 read back what you said....you sound absolutely vile!

One of my sons is married to a lovely warm person, I hope to god the other doesn't get married to someone like you! I'd be devastated! Having said that I don't think he would he's a nice person and someone that makes people feel unwelcome wouldn't interest him I'm sure!

Really? It used to be utterly normal in my childhood for friends and family to pop in. These days it seems as if you have at least to phone ahead. When did we get so inhospitable? I wish more people would just call in on the off-chance. Shame

agree with this

it seems as a nation we are getting more isolated in general and selfish

many dont even know their next door neighbours name

many just ignore people in neeed and its like everything has to be planned and noted ahead and m ass panick if all gone

everything even down to slots for supermarket deliveries way ahead

im guessing alot is down to parents both working or one on their own working high hrs as life is so expensive

I don’t do unannounced visits either. I wouldn’t dream of doing it to someone else and no one I know does it to me.

Does DH come from a family/community where this is normal? Maybe you need to agree a strategy or just tell him you’re feeling antisocial so won’t be joining them.

No idea why people are being nasty to you. There’s no obligation to entertain people who just pitch up at the door even if they are family. They’re bloody rude for expecting you to be permanently available in my book.

My farther in law did this once. It was before we were married when we were in uni. He literally knocked on the door as we were leaving. I was not impressed. He had to drive 2 hours to get to us, what possessed him not to call before setting off I will never know.

We now live 4 hours away so book people in in advance. I suggest you move further away to stop it from happening. If we lived closer I would be designating times. Or if they dropped by and we had plans they shouldn’t expect we would change them.

However that being said if they turned up and we were having a lazy day they would be most welcome. Just get him to borrow some of your husbands pjs 🙂

Sorry father* typing on an iPad lol

Popping in is fine, as long as you're happy to take me and the house as it is, and find your own way to the kettle sometimes.

The people I hate dropping in, are the ones who expect you to be ready to dance attendance on them because clearly you can't possibly have any other plans, and/or who judge the hell out of you for not having a show-home perfect house 24/7. They can get to fuck.

Yabu.

If you’d do that as well as the OP you need to grow up too Yvbmioasp

I'm with you OP. Mil turns up unannounced any time of day or evening. I was raised that you always phone ahead if it isn't a pre-arranged visit, to see if it is ok to visit. I was also taught to avoid mealtimes, kids bedtimes etc. It good manners and means when you do arrive at someone's house they aren't unhappy about It and desperate for you to leave!

There's nothing wrong with wearing PJs all day. Every now and then, I like to have a totally relaxing day, no going out because I've got everything in, and no visitors expected. I am certainly not going to get dressed to fulfil someone's else's idea of "grown up".

You need to grow up

Whats wrong with not wanting to get dressed on a sunday? Why would I put clean clothes on to sit around in. Much comfier in PJs.

Dh doesnt have a close relationship with his dad.

I'm not a horrible person. I love family. Just a bit miffed that I'd settled down and got comfy and then had to entertain unwanted visitors. Family or not.

In fairness @Toughtips you telling us you're not a horrible person really doesn't cut it! You sound awful and I'm glad you're not my DIL!

@Yvbmioasp

"@CemetaryGates

When your children have grown up, do you want to have to call in advance to arrange to visit?

Of course, I'd hate to disturb them having sex on a Sunday morning."

Fair point 😂

Mumsnet is like a parallel universe sometimes. I can’t imagine being in pyjamas late afternoon unless unwell and as for those who hate visitors, life is so fleeting, that to shun other people seems such a waste.
Yep, I know some people won’t like what I say, but I don’t care, it’s my opinion.

YANBU if it's your house. If it's DH's or shared then it's a tricky one because his opinion counts too. When my ex lived in my house and didn't pay towards it, his mother always used to turn up unannounced. I'd have just got my DD to sleep and then hear her start cackling in the kitchen. No respect whatsoever. Would just help herself to coffee and sit on my sofa pretending I didn't exist! It's hard to decide if you're BU if it's the marital home and you have equal rights. If my DM turned up to our shared house then I'd feel quite insulted if DH had a problem but if I'd just moved into his home and wasn't paying the rent/mortgage then I'd respect him and tell her to arrange when is best.

You will get flamed on here but tbh I think it’s what your norm is and whether or not you would drop round on him without telling him. If you wouldn’t do it to him then he shouldn’t expect to do it to you. If you do drop in unannounced then you can’t complain if he does it to you.

Your opinion of me doesn't matter. Seeing as you don't know me at all.

We share the house and DH has the same opinion I do.

I went down to see him in the end. Just the initial ufgggh moment.

My DH is unwell. So we've all just had a lazy day in pjs watching films. Nothing wrong with that. Normally wouldn't mind during the week. We always call if we ever pop in

Your opinion of me doesn't matter. Seeing as you don't know me at all.

So why ask AIBU? Yeah you are!

Hopefully FIL had the same view at having to speak with you, it's a necessary evil as you're married to his son!

My DH is unwell..... drip drip drip fri

To call someone you don't know a horrible person.

Fine to think iabu but not to say I'm a horrible person