AIBU: To be upset with what my mother did?

[PrettyPurplePanda]

Hello!

I'll get straight to it, I really wanted the set of "Kevin the carrot" soft toys, I showed my mother the ALDI advert and she said she wanted them too, so when it got closer to the release date I asked her if she'd like for me to buy them for her as a Christmas present (my mother is hard to buy for, no food or drink, no clothes, jewelry, candles, accessories ect ect) so she said yes!!!

Great! A Christmas gift I know she will like, so on November 22nd midnight, me and my partner fought online to purchase them, one set for me and one set for my mother, after 4 long hours we finally got them! success I thought, next day delivery and I had messaged her straight away saying I had got them (so she knew she didn't have to hunt them down herself)

Now, today she messaged me, the usual "hi, how are you" ect, and then she messaged "I have a confession to make, I bought a set of the Kevin the carrots yesterday, I love them" . . .

At this point I had broke down into tears, not of sadness, but of frustration, my mother knew I had already bought her a set for Christmas, but went out and got a set anyway . . .

I don't have much money, my mother knows this, when I had explained this to her and the effort I went to get them so I didn't run the risk of going in store to find they had sold out, all I got back was "it's not a big deal, I'll sell one set if it bothers you that much", meaning she will sell the set I give her as mine still have the tags on...

So here are the things I'm asking if I'm being unreasonable about:

1. AIBU for being upset/mad/frustrated with my mother over this?
2. AIBU for telling her how what she has done makes me feel?
3. Would IBU to not give her the set I have bought, seeing as she already has them?
4. Would IBU to not buy a replacement gift? (If I was to buy her another gift or gifts, it means I have to take more money out of what little savings I have)
5. Would IBU to sell the second set to get my money back? (I have no need for 2 sets and don't know anyone who I could give them to, plus the extra money could go back into my savings)

The Kevin carrot set isn't the only gifts I had gotten my mother so she wont go without a present, no matter how mad I am at her I wouldn't dream of being that spiteful.

I really don't understand the appeal of these carrot things. Am I missing something?

Yes English you are completely missing the message that this thread is not about carrots at all.

OP your mum sounds awful. YANBU. eBay them and treat yourself with the profit, you deserve it.

@Lalliella, I meant in general, not in terms of this specific scenario. But thanks for clarifying...

My mother was a PITA to buy for. She hated anything that I bought and was not shy about telling me so! However, anything that came from my brother, the golden child, was perfect, no matter how shite or how little effort had been put in on his part. So I totally understand your point of view, OP. You thought you had finally got it right, would finally get the approval you crave, just like I did. It was sufficiently important to put in a considerable amount of time and trouble and now it was all for nothing, you are back to square one and she still disapproves of anything you buy. I totally understand your pain and am very sorry for it.

My only advice would be to just stop trying. Give her some money in a card. She will complain that you did that instead of choosing something but she will complain anyway. At least that way you have expended no effort and made no emotional investment.

I just want to thank everyone's comments/feedback, I mean that is why I put it in AIBU in the first place, it still hurts, and I hate being on bad terms with any family member but I am reminding myself each time I feel horrible, why I am keeping my distance.

First world problems! This is hilarious. If this is a genuine post, the world really has gone mad!

... I seriously wondered if the first replies to this thread were on the right thread. Your mother did a wanky thing op, it was fucking rude. Make money on the set you bought (the cost plus p+p, be fair) and forget about it if you can. Your mum already has a gift from you for Christmas and she ruined your lovely idea so fuck her.

It's not about the carrots, it's the principle of the thing. I know it's hard op, but try not to care if she's cross. Her feelings are not your responsibility

Wrap and gift her the carrots and pretend you forgot she said she bought the set :)

Two adult women...

Crying over a stuffed carrot.

Now I've seen it all.

I mean, yeaaaaah, a bit of a dick-move from your mum. But just mentally strike her off the xmas list now. Sell the carrots and get her a token set of smellies.

For what it's worth, I did the "mentally striking people off the xmas list" with my BIL, and it's the BEST. He would do this super-irritating thing where, when I asked him what he wanted for xmas, he'd say "something really thoughtful... that you know I'd like." Now, you have to bare in mind that I don't like the guy much at the best of times... But anyway, I did my best with his request. One year, I issued him a pretty invitation to a meal of his choice, round our house, at a time to suit him, and we'd also pay his train fare (he lives 30 mins away by train).
He turned around and said he didn't want to come, he wasn't that bothered... etc etc.
Since that day, I've NEVER asked him what he wanted. He turned my present down. Now, he gets what he's given, and he shuts the hell up.

OP please do what DeaflySilence said

I understand completely what you mean OP. DM was exactly like this with presents.

Why can't people see that it's not about the carrots?

Why can't people see that it's not about the carrots?

Because a lot of people don't understand the games played by toxic people.

There are people who see the big picture, the meaning behind the single incident, the intent and the problem.

And then there are people who focus down on the minutiae of the problem as presented.

The former are able to offer helpful advice, because they can see what is behind the presented issue - the latter, not so much because they can only focus on the single problem and can't think any bigger than that.

I remember a thread where an OP's parents tried to charge her £4 over something she shouldn't have had to pay for - although I can't remember what - and so many people were saying "it's only £4, just pay it to keep the peace" without seeing the massive back story/big picture that it was completely unreasonable for them to have asked for ANY payment at all.

Why can't people see that it's not about the carrots?

Because they don't want to. Because they're dicks. And because they like feeling all high and mighty laughing at the simpleton worrying over carrots, because advising on the real issue takes too much effort and brain cells.

Get on with your own life, why are you stressing over your Mother, she obviously isn’t to worried about what you get her for Christmas.

It was a strange thing for your mum to do but not worth getting upset over. If she is hard to buy for I wouldn't drive yourself mad finding something else. Just either return or sell the ones you have or give them to her and let her deal with it.

Ok, go on then, give them to me. I put it in the coleslaw

Wtf? You are both adults and buying yourself soft toys? There are people in the world with some serious shit going on you know.

Witchofzog - I agree. It’s about OP’s relationship with her mum, and maybe other posters are lucky enough not to know what it’s like to try to please a mum who withholds that approval. I totally get it, OP. Equally, though, you need to shed that skin and move on and no longer let her get to you like this. It’s YOUR life, and you only get to live it the once. Hugs 👍

Some nasty people on this thread. It's not about the item being purchased, it;s about the mother's behaviour. Swap the carrot for something you might buy your mum for Christmas and see if you still think OP is overreacting!
Your mum is thoughtless and unkind OP. Give the set to someone else for christmas.

PS I haven't read all the posts, sorry, didn't realise before I posted that thread had gone into nine pages.

I don't understand making a fuss over cuddly carrots, but I DO feel your pain, when someone buys themselves something that you have already made an effort to get. I've had to instruct DP not to by himself anything other than essentials before Birthday and Christmas.
See them on ebay OP and buy her some socks.

Sell them. Apparently they are sought after on a well known trading site. You should make a bit of profit. And don't by Dm another present, sorry she had her chance.

Don't buy her anything else OP. Give her the set as she asked for them for give her nothing at all.