AIBU: To be upset with what my mother did?

[PrettyPurplePanda]

Hello!

I'll get straight to it, I really wanted the set of "Kevin the carrot" soft toys, I showed my mother the ALDI advert and she said she wanted them too, so when it got closer to the release date I asked her if she'd like for me to buy them for her as a Christmas present (my mother is hard to buy for, no food or drink, no clothes, jewelry, candles, accessories ect ect) so she said yes!!!

Great! A Christmas gift I know she will like, so on November 22nd midnight, me and my partner fought online to purchase them, one set for me and one set for my mother, after 4 long hours we finally got them! success I thought, next day delivery and I had messaged her straight away saying I had got them (so she knew she didn't have to hunt them down herself)

Now, today she messaged me, the usual "hi, how are you" ect, and then she messaged "I have a confession to make, I bought a set of the Kevin the carrots yesterday, I love them" . . .

At this point I had broke down into tears, not of sadness, but of frustration, my mother knew I had already bought her a set for Christmas, but went out and got a set anyway . . .

I don't have much money, my mother knows this, when I had explained this to her and the effort I went to get them so I didn't run the risk of going in store to find they had sold out, all I got back was "it's not a big deal, I'll sell one set if it bothers you that much", meaning she will sell the set I give her as mine still have the tags on...

So here are the things I'm asking if I'm being unreasonable about:

1. AIBU for being upset/mad/frustrated with my mother over this?
2. AIBU for telling her how what she has done makes me feel?
3. Would IBU to not give her the set I have bought, seeing as she already has them?
4. Would IBU to not buy a replacement gift? (If I was to buy her another gift or gifts, it means I have to take more money out of what little savings I have)
5. Would IBU to sell the second set to get my money back? (I have no need for 2 sets and don't know anyone who I could give them to, plus the extra money could go back into my savings)

The Kevin carrot set isn't the only gifts I had gotten my mother so she wont go without a present, no matter how mad I am at her I wouldn't dream of being that spiteful.

You’ve got some excellent support from people who totally understand that it’s not about the carrots, it’s all about the effort you went to! Mumsnet is a strange place and terribly judgemental of others, I never understand why anyone feels the need to post something nasty, energys better spent somewhere else!

I see where your coming from completely. My MIL is a nightmare to buy for and has asked for specific items then brought it herself anyway...very frustrating, especially when you’ve gone to a lot of effort. She regifted me a necklace once I’d got her two years before and one year we were skint we put some money aside and get her a bottle of her favourite very expensive perfume for her to unwrap it and say “oh I don’t like the sell of this anymore!”. I’d had a few wines and felt brave so took it back off her and said I’d return it then. It returned it kept 60% of the money and sent her flowers instead!!

I’ve got round it now though by getting the children to make her something! Last year she got a plate from a pottery cafe covered in some sort of drawing by my 2.5 year old, who’s little face shone with pride when she unwrapped it! Her face was a picture though! She can’t return a lovingly handcrafted gift from her only granddaughter can she!!!! Could you do something similar in future?

Try not to let it ruin Christmas, it all just “stuff” after All. Some mothers and lovely some are difficult and it’s not your fault xxx

Leave it 2 weeks
Stick your set on eBay (so all the profiteers from the bought it last week have sold their and demand will be even higher yet still time to deliver before Christmas)
Spend most of the ££ profit you make on yourself
Buy mother a token extra present to the value of the Kevins.
Enjoy Christmas!

B13ss3dmOm
How sad your granddaughter has such low self esteem just carry On telling her how special wonderful and loved she is!! Also ask other members of your family to tell her how much they love and care for her and just carry on being a wonderful granny you obviously are !! I just wanted to cry to think a mother would make there daughter fill so bad!!

The trouble with people coming on the thread to say "it's not about the carrots" - when it really boils down to the nitty gritty of it, it IS essentially about the carrots.

Just put yours on eBay. You'll probably make a profit.
Then get a grip....

for you OP. You went to a lot of time and trouble to get a gift you thought your Mum would love. Might as well have got a selection box. She doesnt appreciate the lengths you went to, and now the anticipation of giving her the gift is spoilt. This would be the same whatever the gift. She should have waited. Sell the spares and treat yourself x

Oh OP

Your 'D'M sounds awful. Mine can be difficult at times, but nothing like this. Yours sounds more like my ExMIL. In fact, until you said you were an only child I wondered if you were my ExSIL.

It won't matter what you get her, it's never going to be enough. Even when you do get it right, she will find a way to sabotage you.

Get her whatever, get her nothing. If she complains let it run off you. She can only hurt you while she has the control. I like a PPs suggestion that if she complains about gifts, suggest you don't bother with gifts any more. Then just spend your money on yourself and buy yourself something nice. It really sounds like you deserve it.

How could you bin the receipt? They were bought online?

And if your Mother truly doesn't appreciate your gifts, just donate money to charity in her honour?!

I’ve just googled to find out what the fuck Kevin the carrott is.
Seriously.

Cuddly toy carrots?
I don’t get it. What a waste of time and money You are all ridiculous.

Do people not think this might be about more than a set of soft toy carrots?

OP if a set of cuddly toys is upsetting you this much, you need to talk to your DM about how you're feeling, because this is a large over reaction, which to me says there's more under the surface, this is merely something to pin your feelings on.

PP afraid to Google Kevin the carrot in case it was a sex toy 😂😂😂.

witchofzog seems to be the only one who actually understands the issue. YANBU - your mother's actions are hurtful.

Is this a serious post? Two adult human beings genuinely want a set of cuddly toy carrots! (Not to give to a child, but for themselves!!) What the hell is going on? What is happening to people's brains, for fuck sake? This explains Brexit.

MadameFireweed it's not about the toys. Replace those with any other item and it's clear the OP is upset over her mum's behaviour. And I don't blame her.

'MulticolourMophead' - Of course, I do understand that this is clearly not about the carrots. It is about the mother's thoughtlessness and lack of empathy, and I can see how the OP was upset by it. I sympathise, and would be upset if it happened to me. But I don't understand why anyone who is not a child would want the carrots in the first place!

You and your mother want soft toys...how old are you?

Whether we can understand, or not, someone’s obsession with stuffed toys is not the issue here. The issue is why your mum bought herself something she knew you had already bought her for Christmas. I agree it is an odd thing to do, whatever the item was, and points towards a possible difficult mother-daughter relationship? Yes, I know they all tend to be difficult! I think to help yourself you need to let it go, it’s not worth agonising over. Once you move on you will feel so much better.

I’m new to this this site and cannot believe how nasty some people are on here. Hardly a support network, is it? Be kind and don’t forget the well known saying “If you can’t say something nice, then it’s better to say nothing at all”.

Definition of First World Problems.

How embarrassing.

OP you shouldn’t have said what the gift was as all (some) people will want is to harp on about your choice of gift and that’s not the point...

@PeachCokeZero

How could you bin the receipt? They were bought online?
A very important question which has been asked and repeatedly ignored

The 'delete' box maybe? I know my daughter deletes everything she doesn't need and is rigorous about it.

Hold on to them and then sell them the week before Christmas for £1000