AIBU: To be upset with what my mother did?

[PrettyPurplePanda]

Hello!

I'll get straight to it, I really wanted the set of "Kevin the carrot" soft toys, I showed my mother the ALDI advert and she said she wanted them too, so when it got closer to the release date I asked her if she'd like for me to buy them for her as a Christmas present (my mother is hard to buy for, no food or drink, no clothes, jewelry, candles, accessories ect ect) so she said yes!!!

Great! A Christmas gift I know she will like, so on November 22nd midnight, me and my partner fought online to purchase them, one set for me and one set for my mother, after 4 long hours we finally got them! success I thought, next day delivery and I had messaged her straight away saying I had got them (so she knew she didn't have to hunt them down herself)

Now, today she messaged me, the usual "hi, how are you" ect, and then she messaged "I have a confession to make, I bought a set of the Kevin the carrots yesterday, I love them" . . .

At this point I had broke down into tears, not of sadness, but of frustration, my mother knew I had already bought her a set for Christmas, but went out and got a set anyway . . .

I don't have much money, my mother knows this, when I had explained this to her and the effort I went to get them so I didn't run the risk of going in store to find they had sold out, all I got back was "it's not a big deal, I'll sell one set if it bothers you that much", meaning she will sell the set I give her as mine still have the tags on...

So here are the things I'm asking if I'm being unreasonable about:

1. AIBU for being upset/mad/frustrated with my mother over this?
2. AIBU for telling her how what she has done makes me feel?
3. Would IBU to not give her the set I have bought, seeing as she already has them?
4. Would IBU to not buy a replacement gift? (If I was to buy her another gift or gifts, it means I have to take more money out of what little savings I have)
5. Would IBU to sell the second set to get my money back? (I have no need for 2 sets and don't know anyone who I could give them to, plus the extra money could go back into my savings)

The Kevin carrot set isn't the only gifts I had gotten my mother so she wont go without a present, no matter how mad I am at her I wouldn't dream of being that spiteful.

RebelWitchFace Agreed

@PrettyPurplePanda, has she now.....Hmm.😡😡.

It is soul destroying, isn’t it?

I have read the Toxic Parents book myself. I recommend it.
My Mother is in there, in all her glory.
Going NC is the best thing I done, should have done it years ago.
I guess being her only child, you would find it hard to go NC ( no contact) but would you consider going low contact?

BoringSoup I've learned to not tell her what I get others, she told me off for treating my 77 year old grandfather (her father) to a huge goodies bag of all his favorite treats for his birthday, I later found out it was a few more gifts than what she had gotten him...

BoringSoup We message each other every few days or so and see each other once a month.

ILikeYourHairyHands I would pay good money for that tomato

ILike 😂😂

@PrettyPurplePanda. Good. I’m glad you’ve learnt not to tell her what you are buying for others.

She is definitely displaying typical narcissistic behaviour.

Try and read that book if you can. I found myself slowly nodding as I was reading it...

It’s scary knowing there are so many people like that in the world, but it’s comforting knowing we’re not alone and that’s it’s not us that’s at fault 💐💐.

WOW Just when I thought I'd read everything on here!

As my DH would say, get her a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go fuck herself

When I started reading this I thought it was one of those written from the point of view of a toddler - you know “is my mummy being unreasonable for not letting me eat the Argos catalogue and expecting me to go sleep” type of post. Not an adult!

BoringSoup I will defiantly give it a read! Thank you!

I just can't get my head around a parent acting this way with their own children, regardless of age though it's worse if you are still living with them.

I have got the 'Kevin the carrot and his family set' by the way. I love them too.

#justsaying

Threads like this reminds me I really don't get people.

Grown ups essentially fighting for the chance to cheap soft toys for themselves ... why oh why oh why.

Once a month isn’t too bad. Does she upset you every time you see her /message her?

I used to visit mine, then come home crying and take it out on dh, which wasn’t fair on him.

I’ll throw in Bernard the Broccoli. She’ll be able to make a veg soup at this rate..🥕🍅🥦

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain I'll admit that did make me smile but then cringe inside

We don't have Aldi in NI, I'm now going to have to go and google Kevin the Carrot. However I'm guessing you should try not to get so worked up about them.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE TOY

It's about the fact that the OP can never please her mother and her gifts are always rubbished

Finally, finally she could actually give her something she wanted and went to lengths to do so

Almost as if her DM didn't WANT her to finally give a gift she couldn't criticise (no doubt to maintain the dynamic) - she pipped her to it

It's messed up, and it's NOT the OP

BoringSoup honestly hot and cold with phone and in person, it's Russian roulette with moods!

I suspect some people aren’t RTFT...

No shit Sherlock (people never do)

I find it helps with parents like this not actually think of them like adults but rather like enormous toddlers. After all they are not behaving like proper adults.

Think of it as her playing a game with unfair rules (e.g. Monopoly where only the other player can buy properties). If you were playing a game like that, you'd end up saying there's no point in playing this game, I'm going to do something more fun/productive/worthwhile.

PawneeParksDept note to self: don't specify the gift or remove it with an expensive one, I wonder if people would have the same reaction to the situation.

@PrettyPurplePanda

Had you not stated the gift I guarantee your responses would have been different

I’ll bet..

Could you try to make yourself a little less available, say, month gradually becoming six weeks when you see her?

Plus, not replying straight away when she calls/messages? For all she knows, you could be in the bath/on the loo/driving. Your phone is your friend here.

Or, are you the one who messages/calls her out of guilt? Xx

poster MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain now I’m wondering if you can get carrot shaped dildos, but I don’t want to google and be stalked by ads for the bloody things!

Anyway OP, sell the thing on eBay. Treat yourself with some of the profit and her gift can be a donation to a charity in her name.