AIBU: To be upset with what my mother did?

[PrettyPurplePanda]

Hello!

I'll get straight to it, I really wanted the set of "Kevin the carrot" soft toys, I showed my mother the ALDI advert and she said she wanted them too, so when it got closer to the release date I asked her if she'd like for me to buy them for her as a Christmas present (my mother is hard to buy for, no food or drink, no clothes, jewelry, candles, accessories ect ect) so she said yes!!!

Great! A Christmas gift I know she will like, so on November 22nd midnight, me and my partner fought online to purchase them, one set for me and one set for my mother, after 4 long hours we finally got them! success I thought, next day delivery and I had messaged her straight away saying I had got them (so she knew she didn't have to hunt them down herself)

Now, today she messaged me, the usual "hi, how are you" ect, and then she messaged "I have a confession to make, I bought a set of the Kevin the carrots yesterday, I love them" . . .

At this point I had broke down into tears, not of sadness, but of frustration, my mother knew I had already bought her a set for Christmas, but went out and got a set anyway . . .

I don't have much money, my mother knows this, when I had explained this to her and the effort I went to get them so I didn't run the risk of going in store to find they had sold out, all I got back was "it's not a big deal, I'll sell one set if it bothers you that much", meaning she will sell the set I give her as mine still have the tags on...

So here are the things I'm asking if I'm being unreasonable about:

1. AIBU for being upset/mad/frustrated with my mother over this?
2. AIBU for telling her how what she has done makes me feel?
3. Would IBU to not give her the set I have bought, seeing as she already has them?
4. Would IBU to not buy a replacement gift? (If I was to buy her another gift or gifts, it means I have to take more money out of what little savings I have)
5. Would IBU to sell the second set to get my money back? (I have no need for 2 sets and don't know anyone who I could give them to, plus the extra money could go back into my savings)

The Kevin carrot set isn't the only gifts I had gotten my mother so she wont go without a present, no matter how mad I am at her I wouldn't dream of being that spiteful.

Op something similar happened to me a few years ago. I was very broke, had a 6 month old baby, PND but saved to get my nephew a present for christmas.

My DSis told me what to get him, it was sold out in alot of stores but i finally found what he wanted, reserved it and got the courage to go out and get it. Told her i got it and a week later she gets it for him herself. When i asked her why as I had got it for him, she didnt care. I think her answer was oh well.

I know i didnt have to exchange it but i wanted him to be happy when he opened my gift so had to do it all again.

I understand how you're feeling OP, YANBU

GROW UP

The Western World gets madder and madder.....

meanwhile children are being teargassed for attempting to enter a country to gain a better life

Op, I hear your pain. Ignore the haters.
Haters: did you not read it when op said she didn’t have much money? Go easy please! She did something to try and please her mother. It failed. Yes, I would cry too.

Carrots 😂😂😂
Stuffed toy carrots.
I can't cope.

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE CARROTS

Read the fucking thread and try to have a heart.

'It's not about the carrots'.

Yep, pretty good motto for life there; it's almost never actually about the carrots. All the comments about what has the world come to ... however many years of humanity and most people still haven't figured out it's not about the carrots?!

OP, your mum sounds like she deliberately wanted to be mean.

I completely understand that it's not the carrots that upset you, but the point that she just rejected your efforts like that.

If she did indeed do this on purpose, she'll be wanting a reaction and the very best way to handle it would be to give no further time to this. Don't let her see for a second that you're upset and if you already have, be sure to laugh it off next time you see her. THEN, buy her a really rubbish present in place of the carrots, for eg a perfume gift set. Hand it over and if she tries to emotionally blackmail you over it just dismiss her complaint with a wave of the hand and a comment along the lines of " haha you're soo hard to buy for". Remain perfectly cheerful and upbeat and don't rise to anything she says.

I promise you that if her intention was mean, this will more than torture her!

Try to focus on other things and don't let her affect you so much, I wouldn't DREAM of doing this to my daughter and if I did inadvertently buy a duplicate set, I'd have gone to great lengths to not let her know. I can't imagine hurting my own child like this.

Sorry you've been through it, you sound like a lovely daughter FWIW, she doesn't deserve you in my opinion.

@momasita Unfortunately some of us do get this stuff

Exactly this! How can people not understand that the carrot is far from the issue here!!?!

Id donatd them to a charity collection and dont buy her anything else.

OP. I get it. It must have been hurtful. You wanted to do a nice thing, you put a lot of effort into doing a nice thing only to have it thrown in your face.

My MIL is similar, she seems to relish undercutting nice gestures. Last year she admired an iron bird feeder tree we had in the garden. She is notoriously difficult to buy for so I said - we will get you one for Christmas when they come out. She said, 'I will see about that'. When they were advertised, she paid a neighbour to drive her to the shop an hour and half away in a shopping cente she hates, to buy it. She even rang DH from the neighbour's car to tell him she had bought it already. Even DH said she was gloating.

I don't know what it is with these people OP. I don't know if it's a test, if its a 'you haven't been paying me enough attention' ploy. Is it so hard to be gracious and accept that your child is tegi g to do a nice thing - it appears so.

Chin up OP. Don't let some of the messages on here get you down.

NABU, unlike most of your other replies I am with you on this, if I agreed with another adult what I was getting them for Christmas (it doesn't matter if it cost £5 or £5,000 I would still be frustrated, annoyed and upset that they then went and bought the item for themself when they knew I had already got it for them. In this particular case I think it is your mother being childish for not being able to wait until Christmas for her present! As this has now happened you shouldn't bring it up with your mum again, and just return the toys to get your money back, sell them on ebay, or if you can afford it give them to a children's charity. In future years (unless things change) don't bother putting too much time and effort into your mum's presents as she obviously doesn't appreciate it. Have a lovely Christmas anyway.

Dear OP please let her disown you, or even better you disown her, that is the best present you could give yourself - she sounds horrible!

Omg, how silly all this is. I saw a photo in the paper last week. grown adults,pushing and shoving each other at some shop counter,all wanting carrots. What exactly do you do with these toy carrots ? Next year, it will be cuddly parsnips I suppose !

Tbh i would give up trying to please her and just save your money. Buy her a small token gift. I can understand your hurt and frustration
( though not the love for Kevin ! )

PrettyPurplePanda, I have a young Granddaughter and just after she learnt to speak she asked me if her mother loved her? Since then she has spoken to me of her surprise on the few occassions that her mum has said something nice to her. Whenever I tell my Granddaughter how lovely/kind/good/wonderful/clever she is, (and she is all of those things) she always says things like "no I'm not I'm horrible/naughty/stupid/ugly"! My heart breaks for her as she can only be hearing these things from her mum, and possibly people at school. I am telling you this because my heart breaks for you too, as your mum sounds so similar, please dont give her the power to blight the rest of your life.

Hello PPP.
yOU HAVE ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION.YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR MUM IS WORTH A MILLION KEVIN CARROTS,POLLY PARSNIPS AND BILLY BRUSSELS

Did you receive them in the last 14 days @PrettyPurplePanda ? If so you can get a refund of goods and postage sent from Aldi if you return them.

Is this a begging thread

Get a real fat carrot, keep it fresh in water together with a parsnip
Towards the day sculpt or draw characteristics of real people on the carrot and on the parsnip still keeping the roots upwards. Decorate a glass plant pot with christmas bling on, fill it with some fancy glass stones and a candle or two. Insert vegetables pointing downwards, roots still atop, and secure them with more glass stones.
Hey presto win win all around. There's nothing like originality and a lovely surprise.

My mother is the same as DrSeuss describes. Brother is the golden child. When we spent Christmas with sil and brother one year, I spent probably £100 on my mother and sil rushed off Christmas Eve to buy my mother a pot plant. The only gift from them. Our lifestyles/ disposable incomes were similar and neither had children.

Guess which present was fawned over? Made photo calendars of the gcs and other memorable gifts she doesn’t even thank me. One lovely (and very expensive) thing made specifically for her of dd was left gathering dust as it “didn’t go with her house”. Ummm I chose it because it absolutely did go with the house. She just cannot bring herself to acknowledge anything fantastic I do.

Your mother really doesn’t want to be happy. She is awkward and ungracious. You really do need to stop putting so much effort in. I learnt this the hard way. I still hone in on something lovely in a shop, which I think she’d like. But these days I resist the temptation to buy it to finally “make her happy and love me”.

Well the carrot and the parsnip 'bouquet' would certainly get OP at least a reaction

Nrtft but really shocked to see some of the posts.

I'd go to great lengths for as presents for my mum and I'd also be so angry of she went and bought it and then didn't even care and reacted appallingly. I'd cry too. There areany layers to this.

Wow lots of typos!

Snork.. They are lucky.

It's like the in law threads, where its obvious the Mil has it in for the dil. There is one poster who has happily admitted she had very mild issues with her Mil, and yet haunts the Mil threads to add pointless remarks and interrogate the Poor distressed poster. I've seen ops pour their heart out to to her trying to explain but she doesn't get it.
She's very lucky.