AIBU: To be upset with what my mother did?

[PrettyPurplePanda]

Hello!

I'll get straight to it, I really wanted the set of "Kevin the carrot" soft toys, I showed my mother the ALDI advert and she said she wanted them too, so when it got closer to the release date I asked her if she'd like for me to buy them for her as a Christmas present (my mother is hard to buy for, no food or drink, no clothes, jewelry, candles, accessories ect ect) so she said yes!!!

Great! A Christmas gift I know she will like, so on November 22nd midnight, me and my partner fought online to purchase them, one set for me and one set for my mother, after 4 long hours we finally got them! success I thought, next day delivery and I had messaged her straight away saying I had got them (so she knew she didn't have to hunt them down herself)

Now, today she messaged me, the usual "hi, how are you" ect, and then she messaged "I have a confession to make, I bought a set of the Kevin the carrots yesterday, I love them" . . .

At this point I had broke down into tears, not of sadness, but of frustration, my mother knew I had already bought her a set for Christmas, but went out and got a set anyway . . .

I don't have much money, my mother knows this, when I had explained this to her and the effort I went to get them so I didn't run the risk of going in store to find they had sold out, all I got back was "it's not a big deal, I'll sell one set if it bothers you that much", meaning she will sell the set I give her as mine still have the tags on...

So here are the things I'm asking if I'm being unreasonable about:

1. AIBU for being upset/mad/frustrated with my mother over this?
2. AIBU for telling her how what she has done makes me feel?
3. Would IBU to not give her the set I have bought, seeing as she already has them?
4. Would IBU to not buy a replacement gift? (If I was to buy her another gift or gifts, it means I have to take more money out of what little savings I have)
5. Would IBU to sell the second set to get my money back? (I have no need for 2 sets and don't know anyone who I could give them to, plus the extra money could go back into my savings)

The Kevin carrot set isn't the only gifts I had gotten my mother so she wont go without a present, no matter how mad I am at her I wouldn't dream of being that spiteful.

Aye right then.

Indeed @Thomlin but @PrettyPurplePanda do not let your mother know if you ended up making money from her behaviour.

It sounds like your 'D'M is difficult and she freely criticises you/snubs your efforts which is very hurtful behaviour to be on the receiving end of.

Say what?

I laughed lots at this, is your mother 5? You cried over a stuffed toy shaped like a carrot ??? It's complete madness!

I don't even get the obsession buying these things for kids, they are soft toys. They will sit on a shelf collecting dust until they are eventually sent to the charity shop.

Honestly I might go and buy up the ones that are left in my local Aldi to stick them on eBay . There were loads yesterday!

It's clearly not about the fucking carrots is it?

To all who have given Christmas gift ideas

First of all thank you so much for them, secondly they are all sadly in vein, my mother's birthday is just before Christmas so i have to buy her two sets of gifts and she mostly hates all gift options, so what do you get someone who doesn't like/want/need?

Again can not buy (because it would be a waste) Food, drinks, toiletries (except the very few I got I know she uses, which are not expensive so if I just got her that she would guilt me for it) no jewelry, no clothes or accessories (in the past she has never worn either or re-gifted) no donations in her name, she would probably disown me (for a week then get lonely and message me for attention) ect ect, honestly people I have tried every gift idea to no avail...

To all the posters ridiculing OP over stuffed carrots. This isn't about the actual gift!

Imagine someone had asked you for a specific gift, whether it's a handbag they had seen, a scarf with a specific pattern, anything! You don't have a huge amount of money to spend but you live this person so you buy the bag they had pointed out or the scarf. Then you see them a week later and they are carrying the bag and say they couldn't wait until Christmas so bought it themselves.

Wouldn't you be even the least bit pissed off by this???

Sell them (as it looks like you’re trying to do here), and make a donation to a charity you think she’d like in her name. Gift bought with no worries, and some good put into the world.

RandomMess I'm slowly starting to admit it to myself my mothers not so nice "quirks" as an only child I feel a need to try and put up with it because there is no one else.

i have to buy her two sets of gifts and she mostly hates all gift options, so what do you get someone who doesn't like/want/need?

Buy her a bag of carrots!

PawneeParksDept It isn't but people are driven to shun those for liking things that are not the social norm.

cricketmum84 You hit the nail right on the head! Thank you.

You really need to take a step back and stop engaging with her like this.

You're trying to please someone who is determined not to be pleased and actively sabotages your efforts.

Only you can change the dynamic by detaching.

enjoyingscience A lovely idea but she would hate it as she can't use it :S

All family are adults, no kids, so that would mean no presents for anyone, also she is away on holiday for Christmas and wont be back until after new years, I have to get all Christmas stuff sorted before the 1st so I can give them to her and everyone else early (I live quite far away from my family, so it would be a visited to drop off all gifts at once)

The obvious solution is to buy her a bunch of carrots, stick goggly eyes on them and tell her your thought her carrot might like some real life friends.

Feign confusion when she complains and get on with your life.

YABU to cry over a stuffed carrot.
No need for her to have two sets. Just sell the set you bought!

"I don't have much money"

Some would say you have too much!

Panda I get it. Your mother makes it horribly clear that she doesn't appreciate anything you buy her. So this year you thought you were on to something that, for once, she would really like. And you went to a great deal of effort to get it.

You sound like you desperately want her to be happy with you, to value you. You also say that you feel you have to make an effort with presents because you're an only child. You're trapped in FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. Google it.

This is brutal, but honestly what I'd try to do in your shoes. Buy some cheap smellies to give to her and forget it. If she wants to sulk, guilt trip you or whatever, let her. This isn't something you've done wrong, this is your mother enjoying having the control over you to make you miserable. And your best response to that is to let her go and live your own happy life (with two sets of plush carrots!)

Get her a bunch of flowers.

Any complaints I would retort "shall we just not bother from now on then?" Push the ball back into her court to decide not to swap gifts anymore.

MortyVicar I agree, sadly it's easier said than done as it slowly eats away at my mind to try and keep everyone happy.

I would never request a gift, know the person had bought it and just went and got it myself, especially if it's an item you don't need two of

Maybe she wasn't sure you'd manage to get it, so had a try to get it herself, then you told her 'you'd' got it and then she had to make the confession that she'd got it herself.

If you hadn't managed to get it she wouldn't have any at all, now she's got two so it's all good. That's how I'd look at it anyway.
Hope that all made sense.

Candlemist Don't worry, it made sense, but sadly that's not the case here.

I bought them on the 22nd, received on the 23rd, inspect them and messaged her that day that they had come in the post, and only today told me she had purchased them the 24th, so she knew and still bought them.

Ffs this OP deserves my first