AIBU: To be upset with what my mother did?

[PrettyPurplePanda]

Hello!

I'll get straight to it, I really wanted the set of "Kevin the carrot" soft toys, I showed my mother the ALDI advert and she said she wanted them too, so when it got closer to the release date I asked her if she'd like for me to buy them for her as a Christmas present (my mother is hard to buy for, no food or drink, no clothes, jewelry, candles, accessories ect ect) so she said yes!!!

Great! A Christmas gift I know she will like, so on November 22nd midnight, me and my partner fought online to purchase them, one set for me and one set for my mother, after 4 long hours we finally got them! success I thought, next day delivery and I had messaged her straight away saying I had got them (so she knew she didn't have to hunt them down herself)

Now, today she messaged me, the usual "hi, how are you" ect, and then she messaged "I have a confession to make, I bought a set of the Kevin the carrots yesterday, I love them" . . .

At this point I had broke down into tears, not of sadness, but of frustration, my mother knew I had already bought her a set for Christmas, but went out and got a set anyway . . .

I don't have much money, my mother knows this, when I had explained this to her and the effort I went to get them so I didn't run the risk of going in store to find they had sold out, all I got back was "it's not a big deal, I'll sell one set if it bothers you that much", meaning she will sell the set I give her as mine still have the tags on...

So here are the things I'm asking if I'm being unreasonable about:

1. AIBU for being upset/mad/frustrated with my mother over this?
2. AIBU for telling her how what she has done makes me feel?
3. Would IBU to not give her the set I have bought, seeing as she already has them?
4. Would IBU to not buy a replacement gift? (If I was to buy her another gift or gifts, it means I have to take more money out of what little savings I have)
5. Would IBU to sell the second set to get my money back? (I have no need for 2 sets and don't know anyone who I could give them to, plus the extra money could go back into my savings)

The Kevin carrot set isn't the only gifts I had gotten my mother so she wont go without a present, no matter how mad I am at her I wouldn't dream of being that spiteful.

DeaflySilence If some do say I "have too much" are going off by one purchase for a Christmas present, so it would be pretty inaccurate with very little evidence to show.

saganorenscarandcoat Thank you, I think?

I'd wrap them up and give her them on Christmas Day with a big smile and say "Exactly what you asked for and I'm sure you appreciate the trouble I went to." Now she has two sets of crap she doesn't need and that's for her to deal with.

@PrettyPurplePanda the biscuit is sarcasm and not very nice.

I, for one, wouldn't judge you if you told them to shove their biscuit up their arse. 😂

I get why you’re frustrated. The gift itself is irrelevant- the frustration lies in the fact that she knew you would have to put a lot of effort into buying this present, she couldn’t use her usual methods of denigrating you by criticising your gift as she’d asked for it, so she bought her own as the only remaining sabotage method.

Whatever you do , she’ll criticise - you are in a no-win position here. If you replace the carrots for something else, she will ask where the present is that she was expecting. If you give her the carrots, she will ask what the hell you expect her to do with 2 sets of plush carrots. So do whatever is most convenient for you.

cricketmum84 I thought it was a flower

"so what do you get someone who doesn't like/want/need"

Get her a big kevin rip-off carrot cushion to go with her little carrot friends, for her birthday.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/UK-Cartoon-Carrot-Stuffed-Plush-Toy-Doll-Vegetable-Soft-Pillow-Cushion-Xmas-Gift-/142990874691

then stick with the theme and instead of the duplicate Aldi set, bung her a whole pile of stuff for christmas.

A carrot calendar www.onbuy.com/gb/calendars/lovey-carrot-shape-calendar-desktoptabletop-calendar-august-2017-december-2018~c5615~p3750047/?exta=gshp&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIh5aOudXv3gIVBbDtCh3w2gR6EAQYBCABEgKxafD_BwE A carrot planting gift set www.gettingpersonal.co.uk/gifts/funky-veg-kit.htm?opti_ca=1590807556&opti_ag=60481531133&opti_ad=304869719745&opti_key=pla-549480013431&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8JSaztbv3gIVSbDtCh05_AmZEAQYAiABEgK7PfD_BwE A carrot face mask www.feelunique.com/p/Its-Skin-The-Fresh-Mask-Sheet-Carrot-19g?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0Kb_7Nbv3gIVxLTtCh3g1gnlEAQYASABEgLU8PD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds A carrot mug www.zazzle.co.uk/carrots_mug-168076551802618229 A carrot notepad www.zazzle.co.uk/carrot_notebook-130801256954279946

The list is endless. You could top it all off with a carrot cake, and I bet she'd love the humour of it all.

@PrettyPurplePanda sell carrots buy yourself some glasses

She will criticise you, be prepared for it, fixed huge smile "let's not bother anymore then seeing as though whatever I do isn't good enough". You need to read up on toxic parents and realise you are in FOG - fear obligation guilt.,.

Oh stop being dicks FFS!! Think of it as a pandora bracelet, gift set ,new watch or whatever ricks your boat if plush carrots are such an abomination.

It doesn't matter what the gift was. The point here is that we have a hard to please,spoilt, "must buy me something but not x,y,x" mother with whom OP has put up for years. OP has finally found something that her mum wants and likes,buys it and despite knowing that she buys the exact same gift for herself because..screw you.

@PrettyPurplePanda seriously stop trying to please and make her happy. You can't,because she doesn't want you to and she perfectly showed that with this incident. She couldn't have you give her something that she couldn't moan or somehow blame you about. So she deliberately sabotaged the situation making you feel and seem ridiculous. Fuck this shit seriously. What's the worst that can happen? The world won't fall apart if a spoilt woman that never thinks you are good enough gets butthurt because you stop trying.

"DeaflySilence If some do say I "have too much" are going off by one purchase for a Christmas present, so it would be pretty inaccurate with very little evidence to show."

I tried to indicate the joke of that, by adding a whole heap of grinning faces! Didn't work???

What rebel said. Youre mother is a piece of work.

RebelWitchFace Agreed, you speak cold hard truth, it's gonna take time to get used to being less soft with her?

DeaflySilence Sorry I thought you was being serious, still getting my head around emoji icons ect DX

I get your frustration totally, op.

Many years ago when it was my nieces birthday coming up, I made the mistake of telling my Mum that I was going to take said niece to see xxxx film at the cinema.

So, yes you’ve guessed it, my Mum took her before I had chance to, so I then had to find something else for my niece for her birthday.

That, plus so many other stunts played by her led me to go NC a couple of years ago.
Does your Mum have form for this kind of stunt op?

Sorry OP but I can't stop laughing at this carrot thing 😂

RandomMess I think I can see a pattern in her behavior, just need to be more stand off ish when she has these "mood swings?" I just hate being on bad terms with people, i guess i'm a people pleaser at times...

There is blatantly a back story here. It’s not about the carrots ffs!

Maybe withdraw a bit OP. Establish some boundaries. Focus on yourself a bit more and stop trying to please your mother.

Oh yeah, stick em on Ebay and buy yourself something nice with the money when you sell them.

Buy her the cheapest box of biscuits you can find for Xmas, then drop them on the floor. Oops, they’re all broken, oh dear 🤫🤔..

@PrettyPurplePanda it's not about being soft or tough(and sorry if I got a bit abrupt). It's about recognising who and what your mother is. Accept you can't make her happy and just stop trying. Do what you do because you want to and no expectations. There's nothing worse than bending yourself backwards and then having it thrown in your face. Regardless of how you behave it still won't be good enough so why put all that effort in?

TBH I'd keep the carrots as a reminder of who she is and when you're deep in the FOG having a wobble about how awful you are for treating your mother in whichever way she deems unacceptable.There's only one undeserving person in this story and it's not you.

I've got one for sale if anyone's interested. £99.99 + P&P.

BoringSoup Strangely enough... she has done this too...

"Just sell the set that you hire her, make a big profit"

If you make a profit, them donate to the Teenage Cancer Trust, the charity that benefits from Carrot profits.

People selling them for ridiculous prices have been getting abuse and quite righy so. They're no better than ticket tours.

OP as said, distance yourself, stop trying to please her and if you do get her something else, don't give a shit whether she likes it or not.

Sell them on eBay

Read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward

Don't bother giving your mum presents

Job done

Op, I well understand why you’re upset.

I'll chuck in Terrence Tomato for free.