Was I inappropriate towards my friends husband

[Mummblebee]

Went to a friends gathering yesterday. She is a newly wed. We've been friends for over 10 years. Towards the end of the night I was sitting on the couch and friends husband was falling asleep. Room full of people, lots of alcohol, music still going. I was about to start talking to husband then realising he was beginning to fall asleep I literally brushed my hand over his head, he woke up and I started rambling on about small talk. My friend came over and sat on his lap and we all carried on chatting I thought nothing of it. We have a photo of that exact moment with me sitting next to her husband with my arm on the back of the couch.. Her on his lap and me holding her hand. Clearly very affectionate towards the pair of them. I a big supporter of them as a couple and they have been quite intimately involved with me and my daughter. I'm a single mum.

Today friend text me and said we need to talk.. I called her and she said she thought t it was very inappropriate that I touched her husband on the hair and noone should touch her husband at all as its disrespectful. I was quite taken aback. There was absolutely nothing malicious on my part at all. I was clearly touchy with them both. Did I cross an obvious boundary with my friends husband or is she just insecure?

This friend and her husband are very intimately involved with my baby daughter and myself. So I just assumed we are all comfortable and good friends. They are always saying that we are family but clearly I need to be very careful as to not make people feel uncomfortable.

Was this single act crossing boundaries for most married people?

She may be a little insecure

Move on OP. They're odd and completely over stepping boundaries with your DD. Giving you a false sense of belonging. With all the grooming going on in the world, I would be very careful with boundaries around DC.

Thanks everyone. Will take on all the advice. Even the ones who thought I was in the wrong has helped me to gain some perspective moving forward. We live and learn!

I found it hard to read your updates because it's usual to put quotes in bold, not the comment - it was confusing!

Do try not to flounce off in high dudgeon, or you're being as bad as her. She sounds like a right one but don't you be a right one too? imo you never know when you'll meet old friends/aquaintances and in what context - leaving with grace is the best way. Just quietly drop them, I should. Make out you're busy.

Of course you can have it out with her and have a humdinger. Your prerogative

springydaff

Haha thanks will note for future comments.

Yes will back away slowly without a fuss. You are right.

I literally would not care if anyone touched my husband's head, DH would be fuming though as he's very precious about his hair

This woman sounds pretty insecure.

If a friend of mine started pushing her partner to spend time with my baby and I didn't know him well I'd be and questioning their motives tbh.
Actually even if I did know him well I'd still be because no one likes other people's kids that much (without ulterior motive).

Your friend sounds like a loon as do PP's agreeing with her. Complete non-issue imo. Obviously it would be different if it was a stranger or under different circumstances but waking up a close friend who was drifting off in the middle of a party by touching them on the head is not 'overstepping a boundary'?! He was in his own house - if he wanted to go to sleep he would've gone to bed.

Also the friend's issue was OP touching her husband, which was not in an intimate or flirtatious way, so she would've had an issue with a nudge on the arm too. Bloody weird and slightly controlling to have an issue with that.