Was I inappropriate towards my friends husband

[Mummblebee]

Went to a friends gathering yesterday. She is a newly wed. We've been friends for over 10 years. Towards the end of the night I was sitting on the couch and friends husband was falling asleep. Room full of people, lots of alcohol, music still going. I was about to start talking to husband then realising he was beginning to fall asleep I literally brushed my hand over his head, he woke up and I started rambling on about small talk. My friend came over and sat on his lap and we all carried on chatting I thought nothing of it. We have a photo of that exact moment with me sitting next to her husband with my arm on the back of the couch.. Her on his lap and me holding her hand. Clearly very affectionate towards the pair of them. I a big supporter of them as a couple and they have been quite intimately involved with me and my daughter. I'm a single mum.

Today friend text me and said we need to talk.. I called her and she said she thought t it was very inappropriate that I touched her husband on the hair and noone should touch her husband at all as its disrespectful. I was quite taken aback. There was absolutely nothing malicious on my part at all. I was clearly touchy with them both. Did I cross an obvious boundary with my friends husband or is she just insecure?

This friend and her husband are very intimately involved with my baby daughter and myself. So I just assumed we are all comfortable and good friends. They are always saying that we are family but clearly I need to be very careful as to not make people feel uncomfortable.

Was this single act crossing boundaries for most married people?

I know what it means, Tinkly, but when it’s a baby (so not really a reciprocal relationship) I just find it an odd term to use “very intimately involved with my baby daughter”, it just jars a little with me.

Personally I think she already has concerns if she is over sensitive about what you did, tread carefully here and watch out.

I'm not some random woman with unknown intentions. I am a good friend of many years who spends a lot of time with them as a couple. There has never been anything inappropriate or untoward. This was a single occasion and in the circumstances it was clearly not a habitual occurance. Now I know how she views me and our friendship.. Not family at all. You think I'm after your husband

OK no problem won't use the term Intimate. Gosh can't seem to make a move without offending someone or another

I think she's jealous of you, and I think she demonstrated that by coming and sitting on his lap.

But I think that's about her rather than you.

I don't think you've behaved inappropriately (although, i say this as someone who is often inappropriate!)

Maybe he's told her he finds you attractive? Maybe she thinks you're someone he'd be attracted to (you'll probably never know if that's the case).

Maybe it just pushed a button for her. I have literally snogged other men in front of my DH and he hasn't given a shit (he isn't remotely insecure). There was one night when I went off to bed and left DH and my best friend alone and in the morning I found her hair clip on the sofa and I wasn't very happy and told him so (and I KNOW he doesn't fancy her, and she doesn't fancy him). Sometimes things don't sit right.
I never said anything to my friend, though, because I do know she doesn't fancy him (they were friends for 10 years before I met her, and had ample opportunity to cop off if either of them wanted to).

Jesus, you seriously need to learn what intimately involved means

Maybe don't sexualise everything Sylvia?

OP clearly means the couple are closely involved with her baby AND herself.

OP, it would be interesting to know how demonstrative these friends are with you? Do they ever touch you in a friendly way?

I think she is just very insecure and tbh controlling. No trust between "friends". Ha. I am in no way shape or form attracted or after her husband. Innapropiate or not I'm sure she is constantly finding non issues. I'm insulted tbh because it shows how little she thinks of me

This is a total non event in my opinion and I’d be very bemused at her histrionic behaviour. I’m married (also with a baby daughter) and I couldn’t give a shit about a head pat in a crowded room, am really surprised others re saying they’d be pissed off. I’d be wary of her (them?) now. I think she has revealed her view that she is a high status married woman, he’s some of prize () and you’re a predatory desperate female. Whatever. As you say you’re a known quantity and I would find her behaviour offensive and likely friendship ending. I couldn’t be arsed with drama so would just disengage and decline meets ups until friendship dwindles.

Hmmm. Well now you’re just slagging her off, interesting way to talk about someone you described, a few minute ago, as such a close friend. If you don’t like her and think she’s so awful why are you spending so much time with her or her husband?

You know what "making a move" means, right? ;-)

Bit of an over reaction from the woman. But you do sound a bit touchy-feely and over familiar with people. Maybe rein in the touchy-feeliness a bit.

@keepservingthedrinks

I have literally snogged other men in front of my DH and he hasn't given a shit (he isn't remotely insecure).

WTAF? I don't a single soul who would be OK with their spouse doing that, and it's nothing to do with them being 'insecure'... Surely if you love and care for your DH you wouldn't be 'snogging' other men! Weird!

OP if everyone had had a lot to drink and it had got to the point in the night where everyone is bestest friends forever then actually no, I don’t think you were out of order. It’s quite clear from your posts you have no designs on her husband at all. She’s seen some photos which make her feel uncomfortable, perhaps she was a bit pissed herself and can’t quite remember the context. I’d apologise to keep the peace, and explain we were all a bit drunk and over friendly and it won’t happen again

Maybe don't sexualise everything Sylvia?

It’s too hard I’m afraid Antiporn.

@Mummblebee

I think she is just very insecure and tbh controlling. No trust between "friends". Ha. I am in no way shape or form attracted or after her husband. Inappropriate or not I'm sure she is constantly finding non issues. I'm insulted tbh because it shows how little she thinks of me.

Sorry but after this post, you are starting to sound mean and catty. It's becoming a bit clearer why your friend was pissed off with you. If your attitude around her (and her DH) is anything like your attitude on here, no wonder she is pissed off. I think you should stay WELL away from her AND her husband who you allegedly don't fancy!

Anne Loves Gilbert.
I am not sagging her off. This is very factual. She is admittedly controlling and demanding. It was even in the wedding speach.. The priest who knows her personality even made a crack. Total bridezilla.

Im bemused someone I thought I was safe to be friendly with as her and her husband have been so welcoming could turn so defensive over something so petty.

I think ill give them both a wide birth and moving forward will be cautious with married couples as i wouldn't want to make the same mistake again.

Hilarious, but I am anti-porn in general

You conveniently missed out 'and myself' from your quote. That is much weirder than OP saying 'intimately involved'.

Yes I sound catty because I'm bloody annoyed at what's happened. It's her issue not mine. I was just being friendly.

I literally brushed my hand over his head,

Which head? One of them would justify her outrage.

That is much weirder than OP saying 'intimately involved'.

Sure it is.

Rebel

edwinbear

Yes I think it was the point where I thought I was best friends with everyone lol. Admittedly if I was sober I would not have touched his head so I suppose it was inappropriate.

thumb twat new favourite saying On a serious note though, there is all this over touching someone's hair? Massive over reaction, unless there is more to it.

If my very good friend did this to my OH, I wouldn't think anything of it. Totally not an issue.

Wouldn’t bother me at all and I’m shocked at all these posters that think it’s overstepping boundaries!!!

Huge overreaction, I'd say. I'm not surprised you feel upset by what your friend is implying.

That said, I think you are probably sensible to withdraw a bit from them.