Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

My DD is an only - my choice. She loves it, I love it. We spend a lot of time with her cousins (Xmas, birthdays, holidays etc..) so she is growing up with other kids of the same age. I don't imagine there is any perfect scenario but I never feel sorry for parents of onlies - I think I am very lucky!

Love my girl :-) Blessed.

Some comments seems to be reflecting the negative sexist stereotypes that none of us (I am sure) want our children to be labelled or limited by.

We can love our children without bashing children of the opposite sex! We can love our family structures without looking down on (aka “feeling sorry for”) different ones.

Lots of love (and definitely no pity!!) to everyone, regardless of how your family looks.

Why feel

and I go spoil my sweeping pronouncement with a random two words on the end, oops

QwertyLou agreed. I mean let's be honest, who's ever looked at the children of friends or family and thought I wish they were mine?! If we have a preference before they're born, that preference is only an idea. Once our DC are here, we adore them, and only them.

I have both boys and girls. I do feel sorry for parents of only boys. I absolutely adore all of my kids but my boys are so hyperactive and such hard work (sensory issues too) so to me I’ve enjoyed the different experience of parenting my girls have given.
I do realise however I am being unreasonable because not all boys are the same! It doesn’t mean for a minute that I don’t love and enjoy my boys.
I don’t feel sorry for parents of only children. I do have sympathy for the only child though (similar to the sympathy I have for children with siblings!). There’s no right or wrong.

I do feel sorry for parents of only boys.

You can keep your pity to yourself.

I’m mum to one boy. He’s calm,kind and sensitive. Loves to bake and draw and paint. Also loves to wrestle and play footie with his mates.

Please save any sympathy for people who actually deserve it.

I absolutely love every second of being DS’s mum and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything.

at the risk of being nauseating, I genuinely feel that being a parents is such a huge privilege that the sex is just an irrelevant detail. And I do think that judging one sex to be better than the other is hugely problematic, whichever way the preference goes.

I have a lovely boy and hoping we will have a second child. Honestly I would like a girl now, but I will get what I'm given. If we end up with 2 boys or no more then that's our fate.

😂😂

Hell mo, she's nuts.

I'm the DM to one, yes, we would have had more if we could. But Oh my god, trust me there are no downsides to having one. She benefits so much, in so many ways. Yes she had a 5 minute blip at about 5 years old of wishing she had siblings. She soon changed her mind when she saw her friends fighting with siblings over broken toys etc & was so glad not to share a room as some of her friends did. She's a well rounded, well socialised kid, so she really hasn't missed out on having a sibling

AlwaysQuestionning keep your sympathy thank you very much. I feel sorry for your sons, what chance will they have if that's your opinion.

I feel sorry for parents of difficult children. Who doesn't. Difficult is not in any way linked to the biological sex.

She sounds DELIGHTFUL.

My SIL likes to make all sorts of lovely quips about 'spoiled' only children. I like to ignore her.

I do feel sorry for parents of only boys.

Seriously, don’t bother. I neither want nor need pity from the likes of you.

I feel sorry for parents of difficult children. Who doesn't

I know you mean well but really, I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me :) I’ve got one child who’s a dream and the other is much harder work but he’s still wonderful:)

BakedBeans47 sorry, I didn't mean any offence at all! My DS (almost 3) used to be this dream baby, dream two year old, and in the last few months he's definitely become, ahem, more challenging. I sometimes feel sorry for myself when he's kicking off so that's where my comment stemmed from! I don't love him less (obviously, I fact I love him more every day) and he's still lovely, but I definitely had an easier life up until a few months ago!!!

No I know you didn’t :) my son has ASD and he’s very hard work sometimes but if he wasn’t like that he wouldn’t be him :)

BakedBeans47 this is it. Surely we all love our own children unconditionally, regardless of sex/needs/behaviour. I can't imagine ever looking at any child of mine and thinking I wish he was a girl/she was a boy.

YANBU 🙂

I think this is a mum of girls mindset. I have one of each and the mother of two girls once gave me that ''hit the jackpot'' belief too. Fine, she's entitled to her feelings of joy but her absolute certainty that it was ''the jackpot'', how can she know when she hasn't experienced being the mum of a boy?

It do t bother me personally but I too have heard a lot of mainly mothers say how they will keep trying until they get a girl and one parent who is gutted to have only boys. I don’t know why but mums prefer girls as I hear it more than people saying about boys

YANBU. She is a total knob!

It has never occurred to me to think that anyone would feel sorry for me because I have two boys and no girls!

I can only think that she has so few achievements in her life that she has to pretend that having a girl and a boy is a mark of her being a success....

Just because sons play with prams, dolls, kitchen toys too, doesn’t mean it’s the same as having a daughter!!!! The way some of your minds work!

Any child is a true blessing. So many couples out there can't even have children.

Gogreen I think you've missed the point entirely though. Having daughters/sons is not a one size fits all experience. My mum has two daughters. My sister and I are complete polar opposites, so my mum would've had (and still does even though we're in our 30's) a completely different experience of raising both of us. People who have daughters do not have "one" experience, same as people who have sons. All children - PEOPLE - are unique and different depending on their personalities, NOT their sex.

@loookingforadvice nails it.

My parenting “experience” is different to every other mum not because of their sex, but because of who they are. If one of them was the opposite sex, my parenting experience would be vastly similar because little johnny would still be little johnny.

Most people i know who go on about “i have one of each and it’s a different parenting experience” are those who project gender stereotypes onto their children from the very beginning. Of course the sexes will behave differently if you treat them differently. And they nearly always swear they have brought them up exactly the same, and it’s natural, when both children have been colour coded from birth.