Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

Hellsbell there's no need to feel sorry for us, in fact I grew up with just a brother and honestly I felt very lonely. Before I had my kids I didn't care if it was boys or girls but I didn't want one of each. We had nothing in common and had very little contact with each other from our teenage years onwards. His my brother and I love him but he was never my friend.. I hear my 2 teen boys laughing and joking with each other, choosing to share a room together and I feel blessed. That have a bond i never had with my sibling. The funny thing is I always thought it was just my family but I have heard and spoken to friends who worry that their sons and daughter have lost their closeness and have nothing in common. So while you may feel lucky in one way, I feel a he'll a lot lucky in another. So please don't feel sorry for us we don't need it

I've two daughters and love it! For some reason I never wanted one of each. I consider myself super lucky I got what I wanted but I'm well aware it's not what everyone wants. I'm happy with two but have loads of people suggesting I should have another and try for a boy "for my husband". He adores his girls, I mean don't get me wrong if we tried again he'd love a boy but he's like me he doesn't want anymore. We're in the farming community and people put so much emphasis on having boys yet my girls love all things farming and helping dad, all while being lovely, kind and nurturing girls. Honestly a child's attitude has nothing to do with what's between their legs

Eenymeeny1 I feel the same! I do know the odd brother / sister combo who are close but mostly they seem to have always lead separate lives, which is why I always pictured myself with two of the same (although don't get me wrong I would've been over the moon with either). I would've loved to have had a daughter, but I think I'm more happy / at peace with the fact that DS will have a brother. I had one sister growing up so I imagine that's why I feel this way.

I have 3 sons and for my second and third pregnancy was bored silly by the tedious suggestions I'd be hoping for a girl. When my third son was born one 'friend' even said 'ah that's a shame...will you go for a fourth to get the girl?' Oh please do fuck off

She's a knob, I have 3 boys who are all loved. The comments when I was pregnant "are you hoping for a girl" were rubbish though.

I have one brother, and we've been close since the beginning. He lives on the other side of the world, but we message all the time, and travel to see each other (with families/partners) at least once a year.

It was because of that, that I wanted one of each close together in age, and feel so lucky that that's what we've got.

DS and DD are great friends - they're close in age, and many of their friends have similar sibling set ups and they all muck in together. I see them laughing together, and getting into each others interests and feel that they genuinely benefit from having that constant exposure and relationship with, not just each other, but their sibling's friends as well.

All my good friends with brothers are close to them, as well.

Just to add a bit of balance.

DH has two brothers quite a bit older than him. He gets on well with them (one more than the other), but they're not in touch when they're not together. IMO, the age gap can be just as much a contributing factor to closeness as sex. Or interests, or personality. All the usual things.

You know what lookingforadvise this thread has actually taught me so much. I never got the memo that I should be miserable having 2 boys and I have to tell my friend with a boy and girl that she is blessed but she has to stop the girl from playing soccer or the friend with the 3, why the hell did she go for the third she had the perfect family or the friend with the one, that her son is lying and he is actually lonely or the friend with 2 girls, she is thought to be extremely lucky by some and unlucky by others and don't get me started with my friend who 2 of each she is just mad altogether. 😏 it's absolutely crazy, we get together and yes we talk about our kids and which one of them is annoying us at that moment it's usually a mix but I may have to keep count from now on, to see which sex is truly the worse!!. Then we chat about other things, there is no smugness or feeling sorry for any of us.

Some truly horrible slagging off and stereotyping of girls on this thread.

Anyway, I don't believe a word of all the protestations like: 'i wouldn't know what to do with', 'I would be so disappointed with' because where are all the posters who had the 'wrong' sex baby, coming to relate their experience of how terribly bitter and disappointed they are with their child/ren? How they are useless inept parents because their child/ren own the wrong set of genitals?

20 pages and not a sniff of that. Which just tells us all the happy truth: most people actually end up happy with their lot, and all those ridiculous comments are just blathering with hindsight really.

Dowerage i don't dispute that, I'm only speaking from my own experience. I totally agree that age is a factor, my own husband had a similar story to yours. Both my sons had friends who were girls growing up but when they reached their teens they seemed to part company. My youngest had a friend who I thought would last forever but it seemed over one summer they were no longer friends, which to be honest always made me feel a little sad. I have seen it time and time again boy and girl friends going their separate ways when they become teens. Both my sons go to mix schools but neither of them or their male friends ever had girl friends after a certain age.

After 485 messages is there anyone who actually does agree that "people" feel sorry for families with only boys or only children?

I've never heard any parent with any combination of sexes say they wished they'd had other than what they do have, except for a few who experienced secondary infertility and not had the second child (of either sex) they longed for.

A580Hojas I've only had the one person comment on it - aforementioned colleague who clearly wished his second child was a boy not girl, but that at least two girls are more likely to look after you in your old age

Also horrible comments from MIL when she found out our second is going to be a boy, along the lines of "oh well you can't set out with a choice of what you want as you'll only be disappointed" and also "oh I didn't mind what you had" (oh that's big of you MIL!).

Other than that, no!

A friend of mine (who has one of each) said to me recently that the mother-daughter is special and that, whilst she loves her children the same, she doesn't "get" her DS like she does her DD. I think she assumed that I'd agree because I have a DD. Actually, I thought she was extrapolating wildly from a sample of two. She and her DS have very similar personalities (hyper-competitive perfectionists) so they rub each other up the wrong way sometimes. Plus her DD is a cuddly preschooler and her DS, who is a few years older, is a ball of angst and hormones at the moment.

*mother-daughter bond

@A580, definitely! I’ve got one child, a boy, and I’ve had ‘Oh, you’re not a real family with one’ and ‘What a shame!’ and ‘an Only is a lonely!’ from total strangers at parties, and outpourings of well-meant sympathy from female family members that my only child was, disappointingly, a boy — both of them ‘kept going until we got our girls’ because ‘it’s not the SAME, is it?’ Direct quotes. One has two boys and a girl, the other three boys and a girl.

Eeny DH is still close with his group of (men and women) friends from high school. We all have our own anecdotes.

But, besides, that doesn't really have any bearing on male/female siblings being close into adulthood.

I have 4 sons, they are healthy, happy and very loverly human beings. I have hit the jackpot and would never wish for anything else. You work colleague is a twat

Dowerage the reason I went on about male female friendships was because my sons were actually friends with these girls but in the end their differences were to big. Both my boys are completely different, they are into totally different stuff yet still have a connection because of their boy humour. So I hear them laughing and joking together, they get each other, even though their interests are totally different. I know sisters who are best friends and brothers who are the same but I honestly don't know any brother and sister who are like that, yes they may be close but not best friends but of course that's my own anecdote, I'm sure you know differently. My post wasn't a personal dig at mix siblings, it's merely my preference and my own experience. All i can say we both got what we wanted, for me 2 of the same and for you one of each.

I have one DS and he's an only . Wouldn't change a thing and never regretted having a daughter or more than one

I think your friend sounds like a very nasty femanist making such a sexist remark.

Funny I've always found the opposite locally (NI) it's always been Oh you only have a dd, when are you going to have a son (and heir) then oh dear 2 dds never mind try again for a boy. Rinse and repeat. So have many mums of girls I know

Reallyanotherone if you hadn't written in such pompous and arrogant terms I might have been bothered to argue with you .

I think Mothers of girls only have never experienced parenthood, its an easy ride compared to being a mother to boys. They have no idea of how outgoing and boisterous boys can be, constantly seek the adventure, especially when they get to school age and the teenage years.

This has to be one of the most moronic and biggest loads of crap ive ever read. We experience motherhood just like you do honey....
Never experienced motherhood? Lets see about that, So what we never gave birth, changed nappies, fed, was up multiple times a night, dried tears after bullying or disappointment, never helped with homework, never consoled after a fall, never laughed in joy while playing, never snuggle in couch?
You have no idea what your on about.
Dd is outgoing, boisterous, seeks adventure. Guess what, not all girls are princess, makeup and pink

Just for fun, lets throw some ridiculous statements back on you about boys (disclaimer, i DONT genuinely believe these AT ALL) raising boys screw that, i dont wanna raise a potential rapist, you never experience true parenthood raising boys only, you wont ever have the fear they will be raped or discriminated against based on gender, told they dont need school cos they just need a good man, you wont ever have to console them through a first period or help bra shop for fist time
See how stupid that all sounds, now reread your post, its just as pathetic

And I have been told I am selfish having only one
If i had a dollar for every time i was called selfish, i was denying dd, harming her, she gunna be a selfish brat all cos she an only, id be a rich woman.
She is an only by choice, my mental health and finances wouldnt cope with 2, nor do i even want a 2nd

well I just want to put to everyone that just the other day we had a whole thread on how lots and lots of mil and mother treat their sons as the high golden child and the girls are pushed prodded and beaten down.the brothers are cherished from boy to men and babies like gail with nick from corro.where as the girls are just made to feel less than and small and the mother not liking these girls when finding them growing up and out of her control.
it was 20 pages but it was pretty cruel how lots of mums treated their girls over boys.
ps have been best friends with my brother from the day dot.hes my hero.my link.my everything.hes deff my best friend.noone get me like him.mum says when we get together we just look like we have this bubble around us where its our own little cacoon of just knowing eachother.

Love having an only...couldnt be dealing with the needy toddler stage again and like having a bit of me rime now shes older.

That said boys are great and would love a son.

Besides all the stereotypes, competitiveness and other nonsense being bandied about here, I actually think the saddest thing about this thread is the sense of entitlement in so many posts.

It is so incredibly sad to read about 'preference' and envy in the context of children. The mere fact you have a healthy child at all is an absolute gift. Are we really that shallow as a society that people feel the right to comment on the sex of other people's children as if it's a competition?! Really very sad.