To go upstairs and scream silently into a pillow with sheer fucking RAGE?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

So we have 3 DC under 4. They have a swimming lesson at 9am on Saturdays (I know, but it gets it out of the way and we're awake from 6.30 anyhow).

Every weekend, I run around like a blue-arsed fly lighting the fire, getting 3 breakfasts, feeding the babies, packing the swim bags, putting stuff in the car, basically constantly chivvying for about 90 mins till we are all out the door.

Every sodding weekend about 10 minutes before we are due to go, DH finds something "extra" to do. This weekend it was rearranging the car seats which were already in the car. The other week it was hanging out laundry. One week it was trimming his beard.

He always, oh it's okay, we're in good time. Yes we are in good time because I have been running around like a blasted lunatic! The idea is that we have a relaxed time! Not that we can now make ourselves 10 minutes late doing something that could be done at any point in the day!

Please can I smother him with a used swim nappy?

We used to have a swimming lesson at 9:30 and I was telling myself, well we're up anyway, gets it done etc. But it was driving me demented, much as you describe. When we moved to a later one and there was a bit more time to clean up after breakfast, sit down for a moment and then get ready it has been amazing. I'm all for swimming if that's what you want to do, but maybe look into doing it later?

The thing is, we women are our own worst problem. We manage everything so well that the men don't see anything as an issue. I have been getting just so stressed, shouty and angry lately and it's all to do with constantly chasing my tail and getting out the door on time.
Basically I 'control' time in this house as I know that we would be late or something would be forgotten which would cause even more problems.
I'm often here shouting whilst my husband is (acting) totally chilled as if his way is the way to do things!
I do not want to be this type of moaning mother but all I can see to do to change this is to act chilled out myself and write a very large ongoing list every evening of jobs that need doing as I really feel that unless men see it on paper, they think it doesn't need doing.
I refuse to do things perfectly anymore, ie, if he takes off socks inside out for the wash or in a ball then they will be washed like this and given back like this. God, what have I turned into?

I meant to add OP, that why don't you cut yourself some slack with the swimming for now. It's only my opinion but I have 3 children and have witnessed hundreds of swimming lessons and really until the children are in school year 1 at least, they get very little from the lesson at such a young age in the way of technique etc. Sure they are gaining confidence in the water but then you could do this with them by taking them yourself (or send your husband!).
It's just a thought.

Shave his beard off whilst he's sleeping off an Xmas hangover!

My mum started taking my dd swimming lessons when she was about 2.5/3. She is now 5 and moved up to the top class and is so so confident in the water. She has learnt how to swim underwater, holding her breath for ages, jumped in at the deep end and can swim a length with no bands or float.. I think it’s so important to start early, so I’m so confused by all the people saying it isn’t necessary?

Because it isn't necessary. Having a child who can swim underwater in the deep end by age 5 is nice but it's probably not "necessary" unless you live in an area full of unfenced pools.

I mean, don't get me wrongif you as a family are swimming-focused and getting your kids swimming to a great standard is your "thing," then go ahead and knock yourselves outbut many other people prefer to focus on other things, so when it comes to swimming they just go for the bare minimum (i.e. get their kids used to the water when they are young, then start the lessons at 6 or whatever when they can make faster progress and the whole thing is just a lot easier).

What are you loading into the car? I take one bag with 4 children. Surely your swim bag gets packed as the stuff comes out of the washing machine. Kids need breakfast every day- can't they eat cereal?

Get stuff ready night before and tell him to grow the fuck up and be ready for set time and also tell him to get his head from up his arse and help you that's coming from a man

I too have three under four. I frequently rage at the same behaviour by my DH. I have no solution. Solidarity

LTB. My hubby always goes to the toilet and being a man it's the law that he has to take twenty minutes and read the paper and blah blah blah. I find myself getting more and more irrationally angry at this trait I know when you gotta go, you gotta go but it's bloody always just as we're leaving or after he's been pacing up and down hurrying me up only for me to end up bottom of stairs bloody waiting for El Shitty Arse for twenty minutes (why do men have to make such a long ritual out of it) No IBS or anything like that he's just a twat

Ive changed my mind on swimming. I used to think it was imperative but I think I just wasted a load of time and money and got stressed out in the process.

Some kids will take to swimming like little ducks, both of mine had relentless lessons from six bloody weeks old and only actually got off their armbands at the age of 6 or 7 which I think is probably the average.

I wouldn't bother with lessons until that sort of age, had I any more. Water confidence and family swims absolutely but nothing overly organised.

I also happen to think the fashion for "dunking" babies for "water confidence" is showy off and horrid. Bit of splashing fair enough but seeming babies blinking after being thrust under by a mum gaily trilling... Shudder comes under the banner of just because you can doesn't mean you should

OP hope you can get him to pull his weight a bit more with this routine or just set an alarm and drive off without him!

Hang on you’ve got a baby young enough to be on purées yet you’re taking them all to swimming lessons?!

Fuck that. If you have to do it all just take the other two and one of you stays home with the baby. Babies do not need swimming lessons.

I also happen to think the fashion for "dunking" babies for "water confidence" is showy off and horrid. Bit of splashing fair enough but seeming babies blinking after being thrust under by a mum gaily trilling... Shudder comes under the banner of just because you can doesn't mean you should grin

Who do you think it's showing off to?!

Both my partner and I are both faffers, him worse than me 90% of the time but the 10% of the time I decide to start doing flicky eyeliner 5 minutes before we need to go out and I do make us insanely late... even though I know I don't have time somehow I cannot stop myself. HOWEVER, when it's really important I get my shit together!

DH has learned that leaving everything to me is never a good idea as I get really muddled with time, so even if I think I'm on time, I may well have got in a muddle or miscalculated everything and we risk missing the film/train/plane. I think running through Istanbul airport Home Alone style was the point that he realised he really needs to step up.

Saying that I did almost murder him a month or so ago, my absolute pet hate is him saying he's ready to go, when what he means is "I'll be ready in 15 minutes when I've done my teeth, gone for a wee, found my hat, filled up my water bottle and put my shoes on". YOU ARE NOT READY THEN ARE YOU?! I get so annoyed at that point that I start faffing as I may as well whilst I wait for him!

I went to swimming classes very young (maybe 3 y.o.) and I remember the lessons absolutely love swimming as an adult now - I would say I may well be part-otter. I was an August baby and often felt stupid or behind the rest of my peers but in swimming I was always at the top and loved getting all the badges so it gave me a really good source of confidence and self esteem and made holidays when we were a bit older really fun too. We grew up by the sea and my parents are not good or confident swimmers (my dad is scared of water) so they clearly wanted us to be a lot better than they were. It is still my main form of exercise and at 33 I still find it fun to do handstands and somersaults in the pool! I taught my husband to swim properly as an adult and that made me realise how important water confidence is in making swimming easy - being stressed in the water makes it 100x more tiring! Now that he is confident (and faster than me he cannot wait to take our one swimming (fingers and toes crossed).

I think like so many things, it's easy to give kids confidence if you feel confident, but as my parents were in no position to give me that then lessons were great. Some of the techniques were a little scarring but clearly did me no harm!