To go upstairs and scream silently into a pillow with sheer fucking RAGE?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

So we have 3 DC under 4. They have a swimming lesson at 9am on Saturdays (I know, but it gets it out of the way and we're awake from 6.30 anyhow).

Every weekend, I run around like a blue-arsed fly lighting the fire, getting 3 breakfasts, feeding the babies, packing the swim bags, putting stuff in the car, basically constantly chivvying for about 90 mins till we are all out the door.

Every sodding weekend about 10 minutes before we are due to go, DH finds something "extra" to do. This weekend it was rearranging the car seats which were already in the car. The other week it was hanging out laundry. One week it was trimming his beard.

He always, oh it's okay, we're in good time. Yes we are in good time because I have been running around like a blasted lunatic! The idea is that we have a relaxed time! Not that we can now make ourselves 10 minutes late doing something that could be done at any point in the day!

Please can I smother him with a used swim nappy?

My df was that. Quotes that have gone down in history include:
"You can't have a visitor while the airing cupboard is that untidy" (said visitor needing meeting at train station in 20 minutes-drive about 20 minutes away)

"Wait, I need to polish the car before you go" (to school)

"I'll just finish trimming the trees before we go to tennis" (having spent half an hour on the first one of eight and about 4pm when the list started fading at 5pm, no floodlights)

Make a list in big felt tip, of what needs going on a Saturday morning. (Yes he will think your mad, but who gives a shit😂.)
Go through the list together and decide who will do what.

Then write down the agreed time for leaving the house.

Put it on the fridge so he doesn’t “forget”

He should get the message and if he doesn’t, go and hide in the bedroom and leave him to it.

*you’re

I know how you feel. Even now (DC teens+), if I'm going out,he has to play what I call the "can you just" game.
Can you just do this before you go
Can you just do this before you go

Getting better at saying no but quite often it's easy to just do it and go.

YANBU! And you are not alone.

My DH manages to find something to 'fix' even if it's not urgent or something we need doing before we leave, it MUST be fixed IMMEDIATELY!

I was up making puree till 11pm why are you being such a martyr to your family! No-one needs to live like this!

I remember 3 children under 4 (hardest year of our lives). Could you go without him or leave the baby with him and just take the older ones or do alternate weeks with him? It might be easier. May be not if they need 2 adults in the water with them. Just give him a time you are leaving and if he is not ready leave without him. He is not likely to do that again in that case.

We are such a large grou - 5 children etc that sometimes things just have to have set times. and people have to stick to them or else.

I was lucky that both of us are very prompt and have similiar views on tidiness (quite tidy) and both equally good at domestic stuff so it was easier but not all couples are the same as each other.

9am swimming lessons for 3 under 4 ?!

On a Saturday ?!

Never mind your DH I'd kill myself if that was my Saturday morning 😂

You were up at 11 pm on a Friday night puree-ing food? What was your husband doing? Why isn't he helping to pack the bags and car, etc?

You are being a bit of a martyr op, tbh.

Do you really need to be lighting a fire first thing in the morning and making puree until midnight?? Don't even get me started on swimming lessons for under 4s

Your dh isn't the only person who needs to learn to prioritise!

DH used to do this until a few weeks ago. I then went into a rage when we were late as he slowly pulled his jeans up, then stopped halfway to faff with his phone so they were at his knees! I said that in the time it took him to shower and dress, I'd got both toddler and baby dressed, showered and dressed myself, gave toddler breakfast, fed baby, packed swimming bag and got their shoes on. And he got up half an hour before me!

He's been much better since.

Maybe assign your DH certain tasks so he's too busy to think of a useless job? I know you shouldn't have to, but your sanity does seem to be at stake here.

Can you bank the fire up before you go to bed, so it stays in? Then you just have to rattle it and remove the ash in the morning.

thenightsky that is what my Grannie always did.

Was going to suggest leaving the fire till they all get back to sort. Seems silly to get it going and then go out.

I'm afraid I also think you're being a bit of a martyr here, sorry. Why are you pureeing food at 11pm on a Friday night, but running around packing swim bags in a morning for a 9am class?

Not everything needs to be done by you. What is your DH doing for most of the morning? From now on, make DH in charge of breakfasts and feeding the children. This then frees you up to do the fire and bags (if they haven't already been done). If he starts fannying about tell him to pack it in and do it later.

Oh OP I feel your pain. Whenever we are getting ready to go out and in a rush (with a 2.5 year old and 11 week old) DH will go upstairs to get dressed. Should take, what, ten minutes to get dressed wash face and brush teeth?

Twenty minutes later I'm bellowing up the stairs to see where he is whilst watching the children and getting everything done (usually with baby in arms) and he's decided that now is a good time to start doing something random that at any other time would be useful upstairs like sorting out a shelf in the airing cupboard or bagging up all the newborn clothes for the attic!

Makes me so mad. Why, why why do they decide these things need doing right that second?

I've got wise to it now. I send the toddler up to get him. She interferes so thoroughly in whatever he's trying to do that he stops and comes downstairs again!

Bloody Hell. Are you cooking on said fire? If not, I'd leave that. Hubby can light that when you get back..whilst you put your feet up with a brew. 👍🏻

It does sound like the OP's case, but I'm trying to sort out swimming classes for my son who is still at nursery as I can't swim so he needs someone else to teach him.

It doesn't

LTB!!!!!
sorry I've only just joined and have been dying to say that after months of reading it!

DH does similar. Things that help: setting a departure time 10m earlier than actually needed to absorb faff, getting him sitting in one place doing one thing ("Here: bread, jam, children, highchairs"), packing whatever needs packing the day/night before. And Aldi sells organic purees at about the price that it would cost you to make it yourself, unless you are making industrial quantities.

I get it, and we only have the one. I never had lesbian tendencies before DD came along, but nowadays barely a week passes where I don't feel life would be easier if I lived with another mum of a baby the same age.

He can take them. You get a lie-in.

What's taking 90 minutes though? I know everything takes 5x longer with little ones, but not 90 minutes worth surely? Suggested shortcuts:

Have instant breakfasts. Cereal bars, no-prep fruit, squeezey yoghurts, buns etc. These can also be eaten en route if necessary.

Have swimming bags packed and in the car the day before. You said your OP is generally helpful so set this as his job. Have him include Saturday's outfits too, and then...

Keep the kids in their PJs until they get to the pool. There's not much point wrestling them into clothes only to get them changed again an hour later. They can get changed into their costumes and then into day clothes after swimming. PJ's can be taken home and washed.

Don't bother lighting the fire before you go! If you're not getting them dressed they shouldn't be too cold (I swear toddlers are never bloody cold anyway!) and you can get ready in front of a blow heater in your bedroom. The thought of having the heating on in the car will encourage you to leave...

15 minutes before you need to. That way there'll be no flap getting them changed quickly when you arrive. If you allow an extra 15 minutes and someone does a nappy or something just before you set off you'll have plenty of time to sort it calmly. If you find yourself arriving early just kill the time by reading them a story in the car.

Options -

Move the lesson
Pack the night before
Stop making purée (is that for the children?)
Must you light the fire?

9am on a Saturday is a perfectly sensible time to take small children swimming. Our ‘lessons’ are 9.30 on a Sunday. The children are up anyway so you might as well get them done, they can nap on the way home and you have the rest of the day to do what you want.
Swimming lessons at that age are fun and a mix of water confidence and skills. I joined the local swimming club at 5 so I certainly wouldn’t be waiting until my child was over 4 to teach them basic swimming and water safety. Yes, you could do it without actual lessons but then other things get in the way and you are much less likely to go.
Oh and to the PP who implied it was unreasonable for the OP to get her poor DH up for Saturday swimming lessons after a long week at work, maybe she is at work herself during the week! Even if not it’s going to need 2 people as under 4s generally need a parent in the water with them so the other parent is needed to wait with the ones not in the water. If they quit or change the lesson is OP then expected to get up at 6.30 every Saturday morning, entertain the children and keep them quiet so her hardworking DH can have a lie in?!
I am guilty of always finding a job to do that ends up making me run late - in my defence it is usually something that does need to be done - just should have been planned better. DH seems to constantly just need a shower, a change of clothes or 20 minutes in the bathroom! That said we manage to get out to swimming lessons, at the moment it’s only 1 DC going as the other is 2 weeks old and DH is doing it all. Bag is repacked as soon as costumes are dry. If DS is up fairly early DH makes him breakfast - if not he has toast in the car, he goes in his PJs and gets dressed after swimming. DH has perfected the art of making it as minimal effort as possible!

OP, I feel your pain. DH often holds us up with epic loo visits (and then sometimes hurries me up after I've got everything together for everyone but then remembered one thing just as we get to the door), or in some cases suddenly decides to do something I've been wanting him to do for ages (put up a shelf or whatever) that will take a while about 20 minutes before we have to go somewhere. And then I don't want to stop him because God knows when he'll feel like doing it again!