To go upstairs and scream silently into a pillow with sheer fucking RAGE?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

So we have 3 DC under 4. They have a swimming lesson at 9am on Saturdays (I know, but it gets it out of the way and we're awake from 6.30 anyhow).

Every weekend, I run around like a blue-arsed fly lighting the fire, getting 3 breakfasts, feeding the babies, packing the swim bags, putting stuff in the car, basically constantly chivvying for about 90 mins till we are all out the door.

Every sodding weekend about 10 minutes before we are due to go, DH finds something "extra" to do. This weekend it was rearranging the car seats which were already in the car. The other week it was hanging out laundry. One week it was trimming his beard.

He always, oh it's okay, we're in good time. Yes we are in good time because I have been running around like a blasted lunatic! The idea is that we have a relaxed time! Not that we can now make ourselves 10 minutes late doing something that could be done at any point in the day!

Please can I smother him with a used swim nappy?

I live by this article!

www.scarymommy.com/when-mother-knows-best-its-the-worst/

Getting them ready isn't your job, but if you've made it your job from day 1 then it becomes your job. IYSWIM. Don't make all the admin your job. Just leave him to it one day. No lists, no advice. And no judgement if he does it differently or takes time to learn or makes mistakes.

Mine is a monumental faffer. He hates getting up in the morning. Just looks after himself. Takes ages in the loo and double the amount of time to me in the the shower. So the one day we both took dd to school last week (a one off) I got him up, wrenched dd away from her book to have a shower, made her breakfast and packed lunch. He just got himself ready (no shower as he didn’t have time - did it later) then buggered off to the defrost because it was a little icy. Except he didn’t come back and was sitting there waiting for us as I was getting dd ready. I’m chronically ill and disabled.

We have had words before about going to sit in the bloody car. Unfortunately we redid the patio a few years ago. Would it look suspicious to change it again?!!

Nah Mummyof just call it an extension 😁

Or build a swimming pool

MIne likes to decide he's going to do a poo right as the rest of us are putting on our shoes to go. He's in there for ages. I've told him to do his poos early or he gets left behind, which he seems to be finally taking on board.

I have 3 kids Going for a family swim in a public pool is something close to my worst nightmare. Especially if they are young and can’t swim.

@kmmr - great article, should be given out in maternity wards. My partner gets our 2 to nursery in the mornings. The outfits he chooses sometimes make my eyes bleed and there have been a couple of times they have been wearing pyjamas (he didn't realise they were pjs). We all survived, although god only knows what the nursery think of us!

I am also a a faffer and frequently late and stressed. Why I am compelled to fit in a job before leaving I don't know. I think it's

A) ridiculous optimisim on timings
B) not knowing what to do with myself if I get somewhere early.
C)generally being disorganised and trying to get on top of things

It's completely irrational yet I keep doing the same thing!!

I have learned if I need to be somewhere on time, packing everything the night before and getting everything ready way earlier than you think. My 3yo will still likely need a 20min poo just at the point we are leaving but at least I tried!!!

Definitely ask for help from your DH, it sounds like you are doing it all which is not fair.

I'd write a list and do them jobs only.. once he starts faffing jump in the car and go. When you get back he will know why you left

My 3 kids go swimming early on a Saturday morning too. As I do all the running around like a blue arsed fly with the kids all week, I have a lay in, drink tea and listen to my dh running around like a blue arsed fly whilst I MN.

I was so sick of nagging him, he was so sick of me nagging him, I decided to let him get on with it. Funny how he realises it’s his responsibility to get them there on time he no longer farts about. When you explain you are wasting £££s of 3 swimming lessons because he can’t get his arse in gear it soon clarifies it for them.

Johnny, he’s taking the piss surely. Have a word with him.

We had three under 4. We packed in swimming lessons. Took them swimming ourselves and saved all the money from the lessons to go on a cheap package holiday with a pool. All 3 learnt to swim on holiday it made the holidays very special and meant no more swimming lesson hell.

People keep suggesting she just goes for a family swim instead but is that even an option with three under four? It wouldn't be in my local pool as under 4s have to have one on one supervision, so they'd need to find an extra adult...

The problem is OPs DH being a man child who defers all responsibility, organisation and time-keeping to his wife. Unless she and him acknowledge this they will never move forward.

Once you realise that is what is happening in your relationship you should assert yourself more, stand back and let your partner fail, stop enabling poor adulting and take some time for yourself.

kmmr I agree with that article but you can take it a big step further. If you have DC close in age very early they will be able to get themselves organised. Team work and the kick up the backside when necessary which siblings are the best at delivering.

My DH has always been known as the breakfast monster in our house. Started when DD2 was born and he and DD1 (then 18m got on with their morning while I sorted her out)

Sorry every one but I win. I have the faffiest DH ever. I get myself and 3 DC ready and all DH has to do is to get himself ready and he rarely does it quicker than us. He will still be upstairs when we're waiting by the door and I'll go upstairs and he will be doing something stupid like sorting all his socks out or playing with the cat!
He has no sense of logic and a huge inability to prioritise things.

Why arent you or him sorting the swim kits earlier in the week or the night before and leaving them in the boot? As soon as they're washed and dry on a Saturday evening bung them straight back in their swim bags 🤷🏼‍♀️

Make saturday breakfast easier. Yogurt Pouches and fruit all round 😁

I hear ya. I'm living the same life as you. I get so freaking boiled up inside as it been like this for 25+ years and it will never change. I get so angry that he knows I get stressed over it but he can't organise himself to be 15 mins earlier and to be ready on time. I am always waiting...waiting...waiting....

My dh is like this. He views 'being early' as a waste of time and needs to fill the empty time, but as he fails to allow for parking/transfer/bad traffic, he (we) is always late.... I have to be very careful also about saying 'we will do A B and C before we leave' because he will then not leave until A B and C are done, even if we are running late and any normal human would leave C undone to be on time... I might have C in mind, but I won't tell him. He does get stuff done though.

I haven't rtfs but jesus christ why do men have to do this!!!!

They don't, but many women on here appear to let them get away with it by martyring themselves.

Or people are just different and both men and women choose to let some things go in their relationships (even when it makes you want to kill them).

Nobody's perfect after all.

I think that if someone is doing something every single weekend, and you have (presumably) told them that it upsets and annoys you, then they are making a conscious choice to continue doing it despite your feelings. I have no time for people who do this.

...by the door and I'll go upstairs and he will be doing something stupid like sorting all his socks out or playing with the cat!
He has no sense of logic and a huge inability to prioritise things.

Genuine question - is he like that at work, or is it only when it comes to family stuff?

Sosmooth, you need to tell him the time of departure, give him a shout when you are leaving, and if he doesn't materialise then leave without him.

You can train him to do this on occasions when you can manage the kids without him. Don't set yourself up for misery.

DO NOT under any circumstances haul yourself upstairs to find him.