To go upstairs and scream silently into a pillow with sheer fucking RAGE?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

So we have 3 DC under 4. They have a swimming lesson at 9am on Saturdays (I know, but it gets it out of the way and we're awake from 6.30 anyhow).

Every weekend, I run around like a blue-arsed fly lighting the fire, getting 3 breakfasts, feeding the babies, packing the swim bags, putting stuff in the car, basically constantly chivvying for about 90 mins till we are all out the door.

Every sodding weekend about 10 minutes before we are due to go, DH finds something "extra" to do. This weekend it was rearranging the car seats which were already in the car. The other week it was hanging out laundry. One week it was trimming his beard.

He always, oh it's okay, we're in good time. Yes we are in good time because I have been running around like a blasted lunatic! The idea is that we have a relaxed time! Not that we can now make ourselves 10 minutes late doing something that could be done at any point in the day!

Please can I smother him with a used swim nappy?

What use it it to question OP’s decision to take her children swimming which is hardly a radical or surprising choice?

OP, not you should not be loading the car the night before. Try telling your extremely annoying H that next week you would like him to be in charge of getting everyone ready on time because you are having to do it too much and it is bloody hard work.

It’s completely outrageous for him to do nothing and then find a pointless extra job to do just when you’re leaving. It’s being a hindrance not a help - or a parent!

Swimming at 9am on a Saturday? Why put yourself thru needless torture? Do a family swim, lessons can wait. What an utterly frazzling start to the weekend.

My DM does this. We call it 'justing'. As in "i'll just..." and it drives us NUTS. DH does it a bit too but it's more poor prioritising in his case. I apply gentle and less gentle suggestions but ultimately have to accept that he is also a fully functioning adult and if he thinks it's that important to look for a train for a trip in 4 months time when we have a guest arriving in 30 minutes andthe house is a state then he has a right to be wrong.

My kids lesson used to be 8.30 on a Sunday. Thankfully we've graduated to 9am which is marginally better. I also had solid fuel heating and water.

Lower your standards. My friend, wonderful mother and my ex, fabulous childminder whose parenting skills I greatly admire would often arrive having fed her daughter a chocolate bar in the car. Proper breakfast could happen after swimming. So long as they've eaten something it doesn't matter. Though a banana might be better than chocolate.

Bags should be ready. Swim kit once dry gets put straight back in the bag.

If it is cold enough then the fire is on 24/7. Open vents when you get up. Riddle when burning, load up and turn down as you leave. Takes no time. If it isn't cold enough yet to have it on all the time then light it when you get back.

Can't help with the tit of a husband though.

What use it it to question OP’s decision to take her children swimming which is hardly a radical or surprising choice?

Because it's an optional activity and it's causing her huge amounts of stress. Sometimes you're so close to a situation to see the obvious. The children enjoy the activity and are getting benefit out of it. But they would equally enjoy and get benefit of going at a time when it wasn't a huge rush to get out the door to get to the pool at a prescribed time. Sounds like the OP would enjoy that more too!

If you have 3 children under 4, personally I think you should be looking for ways to make your life easier, not doing things just because.

It's 'there's time to get one more thing done' syndrome. I do this a lot but am trying to reform.

We took ours most weeks from when they were little, lots of splashing, chucking them about in the water. They were all massively water confident and dog paddling at an early age.

When they started lessons at about 5, they learned strokes in a handful of lessons. Many, many people take their kids to formal swimming lessons for years and years, spending an awful lot of money for negligible improvements.

Saturday, rinse swimming things, dry swimming things, put swimming things back in swimming bag. You are now ready for next Saturday.

Is he the faffing fanny in the petrol station at 7.30am on a Monday morning? After leisurely putting fuel in his large, black minibus car he mooched around the shop, looking at the sandwiches, drinks, papers and chocolate. By this time I had parked up, put a tenner of petrol in my car I got to the cashdesk as he was fannying about with his loyalty card and putting in his pin with the slowest finger I had seen. He then fannied about putting his card in his wallet. I said to the cashier "contactless please". Paid, got out, started up my car and drove off and he was still in the shop oblivious to the backup he was causing.

I could have written this post word for word. I moved our kids lessons to 10am - I'm still running around doing everything (while he plays lego with the kids/reads a book/enjoys a leisurely coffee) but at last I have an hour extra to play with now!

My DH does similar when we’re rushing to get out. He sees a job that he wants to get done, even though it does not move us closer to getting out the door. If I ever lose it and kill him this will be the reason

My DH is the same, kids packed in the car ready to go and he needs to go to toilet, or clean the pool, or re stump the house and move it 2 inches to the left! Every time!
We have a pool, so I had visions of them drowning if they didn’t have lessons.
Now all grown up, DH has not changed so I just read in the car until he is ready.
Everyone who knows us, knows I am on time for everything, so if we are late, it is his fault.

Why don’t you show him this thread as well.

To those saying why take them at all. Perhaps everyone enjoys it once they are there. Children can swim before five. I could swim 25 metres at 4 my dad had cups for swimming and taught me. His friends grand-daughter could swim at 9mths. She was in the national papers. She swam underwater most of the time.

I light my fire before I go to work otherwise the house is freezing when I return. I often manage to keep it going for weeks without re -lighting.

How frustrating. Perhaps a visual aid on the kitchen wall might help him? It’s hard work parenting sometimes isn’t it?

I think the PP’s idea of taking them in their PJ’s, then into day clothes afterwards is an excellent one. I agree 9am Sat lessons is a great time to go, and I’m amazed you managed to get them all in around the same time. We’ve currently got one at 11am and one at 3pm which is a total pain.

I also think Saturday breakfasts can be a brioche/croissant/smoothie in the car on the way to make life a bit easier.

I too am married to a faffer so I feel your pain. I actually screamed out loud today as he faffed over something stupid - it was the final straw. I don't know what your problem is he said. His party piece is to go on a tip run just as lots of people are arriving for Sunday lunch - because of course the magic fairy has just produced lunch for everyone and tidied the house ...

Tell him next time he finds some pointless job to do just before you're due to leave, you will go back to bed and leave him to take the kids on his own.

Is it sad that I'm secretly Impressed at all these men finding jobs to do?! My husband's sole job is getting himself ready and it still takes well over 1.5 hours. Plenty of sitting on the bed thinking about getting his damn socks on

Oh that’s hard work. Maybe have a think about stopping swimming lessons thru the winter. Look at getting slo cooker that you can put breakfast in for the morning and when kids get up a fleecey wrap that you can all snuggle under watching rubbish television and when he comes down he can wash up

Maybe you need to implement some division of labour. It sounds like he's doing the housework but also helping you get the kids ready (sorting out the car seats etc).

Oh Jent13c that gives me the rage even reading about it. The gazing into space and ceasing all activity while thinking about the next step.

OP I would leave the baby at home with useless DH and take the older 2 swimming.

I had 3 under 3 and 4 under 5.... they all learned to swim without killing myself on a Saturday morning! Is it REALLY worth the hassle? Surely a family swim later in the day would achieve just as much?

My dh is also an epic faffer. By the time he has double checked that all the windows are closed and the doors triple locked I could have done the weekly shop and cleaned the bathrooms!

Let him do it... next 4 weekends and see how it goes.

And no one needs to be pureeing anything at 11pm. Trust me, as the parent of 4 very close in age children I can confirm this!

So what the hell is DH doing while you are thinking yourself ragged?

So why is DH holding you up with this little activities that he does ? Why not just leave him at home so he can do his thing while you are away ? My DH used to do that so I just did MY own thing and left him at home.

Not dh-related, but we have just finished swimming lessons after several years of low-level stress every bloody weekend. 2 dcs can now swim like fishes, and we all get a rest on a Saturday morning. Bliss!