To go upstairs and scream silently into a pillow with sheer fucking RAGE?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

So we have 3 DC under 4. They have a swimming lesson at 9am on Saturdays (I know, but it gets it out of the way and we're awake from 6.30 anyhow).

Every weekend, I run around like a blue-arsed fly lighting the fire, getting 3 breakfasts, feeding the babies, packing the swim bags, putting stuff in the car, basically constantly chivvying for about 90 mins till we are all out the door.

Every sodding weekend about 10 minutes before we are due to go, DH finds something "extra" to do. This weekend it was rearranging the car seats which were already in the car. The other week it was hanging out laundry. One week it was trimming his beard.

He always, oh it's okay, we're in good time. Yes we are in good time because I have been running around like a blasted lunatic! The idea is that we have a relaxed time! Not that we can now make ourselves 10 minutes late doing something that could be done at any point in the day!

Please can I smother him with a used swim nappy?

Why the fuck should OP have to always do the prep,doing it the day before isn't helpful to get and it's letting the husband off with pissing about ... All this brioch and fruit and jugs of milk in the fridge it's seriously like some short story in people's friend mixed with an episode of cold fucking feet. Were not all living in the pages of home and garden.

He knows the time of departure. He's an adult. OP is not his mum too. Acting as if she's his mum will just make him do even less and act even more incapable.

@Babygrey7 I feel like I wasted so much time on stuff that proved to be pointless when my children grew up!

Totally empathise on the food issue!

VelvetBee

Agree Streanbeam

How annoying! But yeah, they don't need swimming lessons yet!

Yes Jeezoh and Redsky quite true

cut yourself some slack. ditch the swimming lessons til they're older. life is hard enough without self flagellation.

My mum started taking my dd swimming lessons when she was about 2.5/3. She is now 5 and moved up to the top class and is so so confident in the water. She has learnt how to swim underwater, holding her breath for ages, jumped in at the deep end and can swim a length with no bands or float.. I think it’s so important to start early, so I’m so confused by all the people saying it isn’t necessary? You obviously hope they will never need to put the skills into good practise if they were ever in a difficult situation, but you just never know. Back to the point though op, you need to have serious words with your DH. I have to constantly remind mine that we are both parents and it shouldn’t always be me having to remember to do everything all the time! For example he will tut and shake his head at me I say “oh no we forgot to do dds homeswork tonight” as if it’s my all fault! He NEVER says about offering to do it, ever, also too scared to shower her, like it’s an unusual thing to do... it’s just strange how men think sometimes, and they need to be told clearly, otherwise they just take it for granted that we are happy being in control and ok doing everything. That must be seriously hard work and frustrating for you!

Tell him it’s his turn next week and would he like help.

I wonder if the point isn't the 9am, but the fact that, even if it was 2pm, 10 minutes before leaving the house her dh finds a random non-essential task which then makes everything after that a huge stressful rush?

I understand totally how frustrating that would be... cause my dp tells me how much as he pulls his hair out every time for doing it too 😂

Doesn't matter what time the deadline is at, I'd still be running about half dressed doing something completely unnecessary!

Whenever there is a family meal, birthdays, Xmas etc I now get told it starts an hour before everyone else is told to be there.

So yeh, YANBU I would definitely string him up 😂😂 x

yanbu - he deserves it. See also going for a poo just before a flight leaves.

Swimming lessons are an absolutely necessary life skill to be learned as early as possible imo. OP - leave your DH in charge next weekend.

I love how a lot of men are blasé about everything. You do fifty things in 30 minutes they do 1 thing in 5 minutes and expect a fucking round of applause and a red carpet. We agreed he works the more hours as he has an actual profession and earns more than me, I work 4/5 morning a week and on the days I’m not I manage to get up shower, put the washing on, unload the dishwasher, get the kids lunch ready, give them breakfast and get them dressed and ready for school in 30 minutes, (my mum has them the mornings I work) I come home from work and have a shitload of other chores which I manage to complete in acceptable timing yet DP does any of my jobs he expects a million thank yous and praise. I often ask him if he wants a 🥇, he say yes then I say where’s my 50,000 that I’m earned then when I do this day in day out 🤔

I would make a list of jobs that need doing then you both do jobs off list and cross off as you go. Make him take next job on list rather than pick and choose. You are lucky he is doing his share. I would get swim lessons for 10am not 9.

You are lucky he is doing his share

Eh?

let them wear a onezy there and back if it makes it easier

I am sorry, OP. I am sure that you have been given all sorts of good advice. I will give you a nice story.

My 2 dc are now young adults, 21 mos apart, so when young, were in the parent and me swim classes as their ages worked out. At 9 a.m. too!

They went onto swim teams in summer and became lifeguards.

Not long ago, ds told me, "I LOVED swim class when I was little! I used to be so excited that I couldn't sleep the night before."

I had no idea that he enjoyed them so much. But I am so proud and happy that I did something that he appreciates as an adult. Both dc talk fondly of their time with us and swim class. And it was hard work!

My point is that parenting is a difficult, often "fly by the seat of your pants and hope things are okay" experience. But! You are doing a wonderful thing for your dc and they will appreciate it and remember it.

My childhood was unpleasant and I often wonder how different my life would be if I had good memories instead of bad when my brain wanders. You are giving your dc life skills and happy memories.

Tell dh specifically what you want and need on those mornings and have your things packed and ready before the morning. Best wishes, you are doing a good job!

My husband does fuck all but still manages to faff over even the smallest thing. You have my sympathy.

It isn't just a male thing. My mother does this. I was late every day for school because she would suddenly start an essential task, like loading the dishwasher or hang some washing out. Drives me insane. And my DH (and few of my friends do it).

A recent classic was DH, 15 mins before due to leave, found him preparing to drill into the wall to mount the TV bracket. You know that essential task.

My sister's husband does this, my partner wants to have a poo or sex whenever we're going anywhere (kids much older) - so bloody annoying.

Ignore the posters saying ditch the swim classes. My two love them and swim classes have given them water confidence that going with us to a public swim would never have brought.
You need to allocate your husband a specific task, such as the swim bags or getting them dressed. My husband is exactly the same, however he expects me to delegate to him and sees me as manager. We now divide our tasks into you sort stuff and I do children it works a bit better. Getting out the house has always been a flash point for us, dividing tasks does help ( a bit )

Absolutely. His turn next week.

I keep swimming kit by the washing machine in separate kit bags. Home, wash, tumble dry, back in the bag. No need to faff around looking for it then, just grab the bags and go. (I’d have killed your DH a long time ago, you are clearly a saint!)

Also - the micro fibre swim towels from decathlon are fab - they pack up really small and light so the kids can carry their own bags.