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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I can't bare to sleep with my husband

181 replies

smiler0206 · 23/11/2018 19:14

We have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughter's but I can't take it much more, I'm shattered as my DH sleeps like a log every night only its diagonally across the bed, leaving me only the top corner to curl up in a ball and hope for the best, he also rolls up like a sausage roll in the duvet. Im getting so frustrated, i cant remember the last time i had a good nights sleep I'm waking in the night constantly and end up giving up and just get out of bed around 4am then that's me up for the day and im worn out, ive also suffered with terrible back pain for the last 6 yrs, have had scans and nothing has been detected but im starting to think its the sleeping situation thats causing it. Ive made a few comments about it to my husband and he laughs about it but i havent told him that its all night every night as i dont want him to feel bad as there isnt much he can do if hes fast asleep, our bedroom isn't big enough for a kingsize bed. Im at the end of my tether. Any suggestions??

OP posts:
RobertDeNiro · 23/11/2018 19:15

Well you both need to take it more seriously as losing that much sleep has a detrimental effect on your health.

Do you have a spare room? Or if not could you get a spare mattress, even a blow up one, for the living room?

SoyDora · 23/11/2018 19:16

Do you have a spare room? Either DH or I go in the spare room if he’s snoring and keeping me awake.

LEDadjacent · 23/11/2018 19:19

Could you try switching sides? You need to have a serious talk with him about what you could both try, you can't carry on like that.

LettuceP · 23/11/2018 19:19

Talk to him definitely. Tell him exactly what the situation is. Also if it is affecting you that much then I dont think you would be unreasonable to lightly wake him to tell him to move.

Tbh I shove my DH if he is taking up my space in the bed and he does the same to me, not enough to cause any pain but a more than just a nudge Grin

AamdC · 23/11/2018 19:19

We dont sleeo togethrr, we have never slept well im the samr bed , we both snore which doesnt bother me but does him so we sleep separately

Feckitall · 23/11/2018 19:20

DH and I have single beds on opposite sides of the room...I can't sleep next to anyone...he keeps on about getting a double with independent reclining...nope...not happening..

Passmeabrew · 23/11/2018 19:20

Can you get one of those big long 'pregnancy' pillows to put down the bed? Might keep him on his side! But you need to tell him how bad it is. You can't suffer in silence like this

ArabellaUmbrella · 23/11/2018 19:20

DH and I have slept in separate beds for years. He snores so loudly we would not still be married if we shared a bed. You need to be honest about how much this is impacting on you.

darceybussell · 23/11/2018 19:21

Can't you kick him or shove him over? I do that to DH if he encroaches on my side!

CharltonLido73 · 23/11/2018 19:22

If you don't have a spare room, how about getting a decent sofa bed that you can escape to in the living room?
I've been sleeping in my own room for the past 15 years. As you get older, your sleep is lighter and you can't necessarily put up with disturbance like you once could.

LakieLady · 23/11/2018 19:24

Do you have room for a bigger bed? We don't, but I've told DP that one of my criteria for our next house is that it must have room for a super kingsize bed, because he sleeps diagonally, given half the chance.

He also insists on snuggling up to me, and then complains that he's too hot.

thenightsky · 23/11/2018 19:24

I'd be kicking him off my side, not squeezing up out of the way. Can you buy a single duvet for your side, so you are still warm when he steals the double?

smiler0206 · 23/11/2018 19:25

I suppose but I'm worried that sleeping separately might impact on our marriage. We have most of our conversations when we get into bed at night and he actually falls sleep vertically but isn't long before he starts tossing and turning until he gets into his comfy diagonal position

OP posts:
happydays1983 · 23/11/2018 19:25

My husband works offshore and likes to stay up late at night when home so he sleeps in the spare bedroom quite often. I'm a light sleeper and get so grumpy when he wakes me up. Think I'm so used to sleeping on my own when he's away. Helps us anyway and we both get a decent sleep. 😀

thenightsky · 23/11/2018 19:25

Or use two single sleeping bags?

happydays1983 · 23/11/2018 19:26

We've only been married over a year. Certainly doesn't affect our marriage.

Regnamechanger · 23/11/2018 19:28

2 single beds side by side, with just enough gap so he doesn't take yours over.

BBQueen · 23/11/2018 19:28

As a start, get separate duvets. I was presented with my own duvet as soon as I started staying over regularly with my (now) husband and I can’t understabd why anyone would share now!

AamdC · 23/11/2018 19:28

Could you not have two single beds in the same room you could still chat etc but have your own space?

SoyDora · 23/11/2018 19:28

I think being exhausted and resentful is more likely to affect your marriage to be honest.
Why do you need to sleep together to have a good relationship? As long as you make sure you’re still affectionate/intimate with each other it doesn’t matter where you sleep!

MadeForThis · 23/11/2018 19:28

Wake him up. Every time.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 23/11/2018 19:29

I have an escape route to some foam cushion on the DC's bedroom floor for when the snoring is too bad. Sometimes she goes in the spare room. You have to sleep. Have a chat and a read then go somewhere more comfortable.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 23/11/2018 19:30

if you can't get a wider bed then is he sleeping diagonally because of the bed being too short for him?

and certainly you should get bigger bedding...we have a 5ft wide bed and use a super king duvet

smiler0206 · 23/11/2018 19:30

I do give him a shove most nights and he wakes and apologises and will budge over but soon moves back, we do have a spare room but that is being used as a playroom for the girls and don't want to take that away from them as they shouldn't have to suffer as well

OP posts:
MutantDisco · 23/11/2018 19:30

DH and I have slept separately for years because I've done night feedings/wakings and co-sleep. It doesn't have to negatively impact your marriage, sounds like sharing a bed with him is anyway.

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