I can't bare to sleep with my husband

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We have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughter's but I can't take it much more, I'm shattered as my DH sleeps like a log every night only its diagonally across the bed, leaving me only the top corner to curl up in a ball and hope for the best, he also rolls up like a sausage roll in the duvet. Im getting so frustrated, i cant remember the last time i had a good nights sleep I'm waking in the night constantly and end up giving up and just get out of bed around 4am then that's me up for the day and im worn out, ive also suffered with terrible back pain for the last 6 yrs, have had scans and nothing has been detected but im starting to think its the sleeping situation thats causing it. Ive made a few comments about it to my husband and he laughs about it but i havent told him that its all night every night as i dont want him to feel bad as there isnt much he can do if hes fast asleep, our bedroom isn't big enough for a kingsize bed. Im at the end of my tether. Any suggestions??

A single duvet instead of a double would solve the duvet problem.

As for the diagonal thing, can you wake him up every time to move? Otherwise I think single beds close together is your solution.

Single beds are a good idea, but the OP said no space for a king bed, so 2 singles isn't an option. I had a similar issue with an ex, we ended up putting a string down the middle of the bed as a physical barrier and that helped.

Are you worried what would happen if you made it clear how bad it is?
Does he often laugh aside your feelings?
Do you often feel like the least important person who has to keep everyone else happy?
Because I can't think of any other reason you wouldn't have spoken to the man who purports to love you?
What happened when you were heavily pregnant?

Seperate duvets as a minimum

I do give him a shove most nights and he wakes and apologises and will budge over but soon moves back, we do have a spare room but that is being used as a playroom for the girls and don't want to take that away from them as they shouldn't have to suffer as well

Would you have enough room in it for a single bed? How about one of those day-beds that Ikea do? They can serve as a settee during the day / be at night (our daughter used to have these).

You need to wake him up every single time.

dear lord woman put a bed in the spare room and go and sleep there or send him there!

we do have a spare room but that is being used as a playroom for the girls and don't want to take that away from them as they shouldn't have to suffer as well

Not having a playroom isn't suffering, it is a luxury most children don't have. If i was so sleep deprived and resentful that i couldn't function it would be an ex playroom by the end of the weekend.

Me and my DP are both duvet hoggers so have a king size duvet each and that’s taken care of that problem. Ear plugs also help with his snoring and my occasional talking in my sleep. But... why the hell are you letting him take over the bed like that?! Every time he does it fucking shove him back and if he doesn’t move wake him up and send him to sleep elsewhere! I haven’t slept through the night since my son was born 7 years ago (sleep disorder) but no other bugger would get away with waking me up like that night after night.

Suggest getting bunk beds? 😁 Seriously, you need to have a word with him about how much this is affecting you. Must be awful.

I heavy breath and toss and turn. Hubby is a light sleeper and snores. We've slept in separate rooms for years and doesn't affect our marriage. It helps our marriage as hubby was waking most nights wanting to kill me and as I'm a deep sleeper no amount of shaking stopped me. If you don't both get good sleep it will affect your kids more than dad sleeping in the play room. Just make sure he gets a good bed in there. We don't have kids and so our second bedroom has a king size proper bed which is what is in the first bedroom. So we both get a fab bed.

Meant to say we've been married 14 years.

I love my husband and love chatting in bed together but there is nothing I love more than sneaking out just before I fall asleep to the spare room. You need to prioritise sleep, it's still your double bed and you can sneak in whenever you wish!

I suppose but I'm worried that sleeping separately might impact on our marriage.

But sleeping together IS impacting your marriage!

not talking is making your health and marriage suffer

As a start, get separate duvets. I was presented with my own duvet as soon as I started staying over regularly

I remember a lot of people commenting on the separate duvets issue in The Bridge - it's a common solution in other countries.

You can't continue with this lack of sleep: it affects so many areas of your life that you're not even consciously aware of as it's pernicious.

Sounds a bit weird but could you buy one of those bunk beds which is a double on the bottom and a single on the top? That way you can fall asleep together and have your chats etc, then go to top bunk when he starts to disrupt you? Then you might not feel that separate. Sorry if this is a bonkers suggestion but also doesn't take up anymore room than a double

Placemarking, sorry OP

I don't want to sleep without DH, I love being in bed with him and him being there when I wake up etc. But his snoring/sleepfarting/myoclonic jerks (he's narcoleptic) have got steadily worse of late, and I'm knackered. I hope you get some good advice I can nick

I feel like you’re being a martyr about this. You need to put yourself first. Sleep is VITAL.

Wake him up every time.
Get separate duvets
Can you get a super king bed. The best thing we ever ever bought!

Bondage? Tie him down so he can't move around at night.

I can't see how one of you sleeping in the playroom will affect your DC as you wouldn't be sleeping in there during the daytime.

While he possibly can't help the way he behaves in his sleep, he can help the way he behaves around it. He doesn't seem to be at all bothered that he is making it almost impossible for you to get a good night's sleep. Is it him objecting to the idea of separate beds/bedrooms, or is it just that you are bothered about it being 'not normal' to sleep separately?

Stop choosing to be a marter. Your health and needs matter. Talk to your husband properly. Your children will be happy if you are happy. A playroom is an additional luxury not an essential thing. You could always put a nice firm Ikea day bed in the play room.

This sort of double + single bunk bed tho' the double bed tends to be 4ft or 4'6 which is on the small side but made be suitable for some situations:

www.amazon.co.uk/DOUBLE-Bunkbed-TWIN-STRONG-Heavy/dp/B00CDRWZGA?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I've said for ages that separate bedrooms are the secret to a happy marriage. Own space, own duvet, own snoring - marvellous.

We've been together 13 years, still going strong.

No I'm not worried about talk8ng to him about it. The reason I don't want to tell him how much it's affecting my health is because he would feel really guilty about it as he knows how much I have struggled with back pain and also I was really ill 8 years ago and was in a coma and nearly died several times (brain anyrism) so he is very protective of me and I know that he will have trouble sleeping if I tell him as he will be worried in case he slept diagonally again. And then I will be laying awake feeling guilty that he isn't able to go sleep. It just a vicious circle

Stop being a martyr and put a bed in your spare room. And your DH along with it.

You're lucky to have that option, I spend most nights on the sofa thanks to DH's restless legs and his failure to address his diet to stop it. Moaning about it achieves fuck all other than making you stressed about it.