I can't bare to sleep with my husband

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We have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughter's but I can't take it much more, I'm shattered as my DH sleeps like a log every night only its diagonally across the bed, leaving me only the top corner to curl up in a ball and hope for the best, he also rolls up like a sausage roll in the duvet. Im getting so frustrated, i cant remember the last time i had a good nights sleep I'm waking in the night constantly and end up giving up and just get out of bed around 4am then that's me up for the day and im worn out, ive also suffered with terrible back pain for the last 6 yrs, have had scans and nothing has been detected but im starting to think its the sleeping situation thats causing it. Ive made a few comments about it to my husband and he laughs about it but i havent told him that its all night every night as i dont want him to feel bad as there isnt much he can do if hes fast asleep, our bedroom isn't big enough for a kingsize bed. Im at the end of my tether. Any suggestions??

So he knows he hogs the duvet and the bed but thinks it's the mattress that's the reason you sleep badly? Is he generally dim or just on this point?

We've been married 32 years and have had separate bedrooms for about 11 years. My husband's chainsaw like snoring and his thrashing about like a fish on a slab, oh and his getting up for a wee in the night, meant that I wanted to kill him most of the time. I love my bedroom and he loves his. Sleeping separately saved our marriage.

A standard king is 5ft, that's only 6" wider than a standard double but it made a huge difference to us. My OH is much larger than me, and in our double bed, i was left with less than 2ft - that's toddler bed width!

Get the tape measure out and cgeck that you really can't squeeze a 5ft bed in - if you have a divan then the base isn't any larger than the mattress

Don’t worry about hurting his feelings! You need to tell him how it’s affecting you. Get two duvets. Wake him and shove him every t8me. Try swapping sides? Failing that, get a new bed for the playroom and sleep there.

How old is your bed? If the mattress is old, is he rolling into the middle of the bed? Sounds very anti-social. But you need to prioritise yourself and catch up on your sleep.

Another one with a snorer here. We probably sleep separately two, or even three, nights during the week, otherwise I can really struggle. My DP is 6ft 5 and broad, and some nights between him hogging the duvet, snoring, and often the cat creeping in during the night, bed can feel like a punishment! Unless one of us is ill, weekends are absolutely in our bed, then usually Sunday night and one other he will sleep in the spare room. The cat is spoilt for choice.

OP if you want to stay in the same room can you move other furniture? So wardrobe, chest of drawers etc into the playroom, and get a bigger bed. DH is 6'4 and I don't know how we shared a standard double as long as we did in our old place, it's slightly different in that he literally doesn't fit in a standard double and whilst he'd start off curled up over the night he'd stretch out and I'd get the tiny triangle you have now. We now have a super king and it's changed my life, neither of us get the back aches we used to, other than the occasional night of horrific snoring when I decamp to the spare room, I think I wake much easier now I'm pregnant, I used to sleep fairly heavily. I prefer to be in the same bed too and now we are almost all of the time.
If you're looking for a daybed the IKEA Hemnes one with the more expensive mattresses is good, we have one as a guest bed in the office and I've had the odd nap in the when I'm meant to be working... It also looks like a sofa and has three big storage drawers that would be useful in a playroom

Why not wake him up and tell him. Thats what most people do. I wouldnt if dh needs to drive long distances but start tonight op.

First, get another duvet and have one each. No need to suffer that as it's easily fixed. When he stretches out diagonally, just give him a shove back onto his side or stretch your own legs out just where you want them, and if his are in the way, make it uncomfortable for him to stay in that position. long term, though, I'd buy a bigger bed.

We have been married for over 30yrs and have slept apart for over 20 of them. The only objective of going to bed is to get some sleep and if that's not happening then you need to change it.

Dh and I have never been compatible sleepers. Sleeping apart has probably improved our marriage if anything because we aren't disturbing each other all night.

Children don't need a dedicated playroom, or parents who are always tired and grumpy because of lack of sleep. Get a bed in there.

10 years is a loooong time to put up with this shit OP.
Why do you give a fuck if HE feels bad/guilty?
He bloody well should the selfish fucker! HE should have done something about this ages ago!

Try using something like this www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0748XPZHR/ref=asc_df_B0748XPZHR57054980/?hvlocphy=1007336&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&hvnetw=g&hvadid=309932720095&creative=22146&hvpone&hvlocint&creativeASIN=B0748XPZHR&hvpos=1o1&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforum-21&hvtargid=pla-446849100716&hvrand=18146486601861517177

When I lived in Germany it was customary for couples to have a double bed with two single mattresses on it and separate bedding.
Personally I'd sleep in a separate bed, I have a bad back and no way would put up with this.

Together for 18 years, slept apart for 8. Honestly don't think we'd still be together otherwise. There's some stigma around seperate bedrooms but it's actually quite common in my experience.

Show him this thread. Seriously. He will notice you're sleeping in the spare room and he deserves an explanation.

Goodness op in the nicest possible way you are being a bit of a martyr. To the detriment of your own health.

Try waking your husband up when he comes on your side.
Having your own duvet may also help.
Or a bed in the playroom.

get a new bed.?? or.....memory foam topper might contain him.sleep diagonally beside him.on top of him?posta child replacement their bed with you??no way

" Ive made a few comments about it to my husband and he laughs about it but i havent told him that its all night every night as i dont want him to feel bad as there isnt much he can do if hes fast asleep"

TELL HIM! FOR GOD'S SAKE (AND THE SAKE OF YOUR HEALTH) JUST FUCKING TELL HIM!

Photograph him if you feel you need visual 'evidence' to show him. It doesn't sound as if the flash would wake him TBH. And frankly, he should feel bad1 He knows you have back issues and he laughed it off when you tried to raise it with him.

And definitely, absolutely, sleep in a different bed. Don't even consider a kingsize, he'd just spread all the way across. Either sleep in a different room, or two singles with at least 24 inches between them.

"We have most of our conversations when we get into bed at night and he actually falls sleep vertically but isn't long before he starts tossing and turning until he gets into his comfy diagonal position"
You can still have the conversations. The only thing that has to change is that one of you - and it should be shared equally - needs to move to the other bed before going to sleep.

And as a wider point - do you always put yourself at the bottom of the heap? You are crucifying yourself here rather than tell your husband the truth about his sleeping habits, and think your daughters will "suffer" if they don't have a playroom. How long have you thought so little of yourself? Who groomed you to believe you should sacrifice your health so easily?

So the best solution really would be for you to sleep seperately. There are no end of solutions that would enable you to put a bed in a playroom and still use it as a playroom - in fact, there's pretty much an entire niche of beds designed for exactly that, as it's a pretty common requirement for children and teenagers to have dual use of their bedroom for sleep and play/study.

Just do a Camilla (former) Parker Bowles, separate houses not to mind beds, most of the time!

Seems to work for them.

I know that is not feasible for most, but certainly separate bedrooms if at all possible is the best of all worlds. imo.

Sleeping together in the same bed can be intolerable for many people, but no one will admit it.

If DH's snoring really keeps me awake we'll plan to send him to the sofa for a night so I can at least catch up. But honestly it is getting worse as he gets older. When either we have a loft extension or no au pair anymore I suspect I may be sleeping separately quite often! We do have a sofa bed I used in extremis, but it's not especially comfortable. Yes, it would feel a bit sad for our relationship, but not as sad as me going nuts from lack of sleep, look at it that way.

just have your chats and when he afalls asleep u go in the other room

oh and no we dont sleep together anymore either been a few years now

if he sleeps heavily, roll him over.

Otherwise, after you've explained the problem, say "roll over darling "

My ex snored terribly but would get very angry if I snuck out in the night to sleep elsewhere, even if I’d been kept awake for 3+ hours with his snoring. It’s odd behaviour when I look back on it but he was/is very controlling.

I now sleep with separate duvets with my new partner. I was a bit shocked when he first suggested it, as we are so programmed to sleep with our partner together in the same bed, under the same cover. Now we have separate covers I can’t understand how I didn’t do it before.

Sleeping together in the same bed can be intolerable for many people, but no one will admit it.

Indeed.. It’s a peculiar cultural expectation that being in strong relationship, especially a married one, means sharing a bed.

A super-king (6ft) makes a massive difference. We upgraded from a king-size about 5 years ago.... never looked back!

I become a raving monster when my sleep is disturbed like this, to the point where your safest option is to simply run away from me. I don't do at all well with being woken up/kept awake by other people's irritating sleep habits. I don't know how you haven't completely exploded yet, OP. My rational side would've fled planet earth the first time he did it.

You absolutely need to discuss this with him. Can you squeeze a single bed against one of the walls in the playroom - it can be like a day bed/sofa for the girls during the day when they're in there playing, but you and DH can perhaps take it in turns sleeping in there at night?