I can't bare to sleep with my husband

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We have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughter's but I can't take it much more, I'm shattered as my DH sleeps like a log every night only its diagonally across the bed, leaving me only the top corner to curl up in a ball and hope for the best, he also rolls up like a sausage roll in the duvet. Im getting so frustrated, i cant remember the last time i had a good nights sleep I'm waking in the night constantly and end up giving up and just get out of bed around 4am then that's me up for the day and im worn out, ive also suffered with terrible back pain for the last 6 yrs, have had scans and nothing has been detected but im starting to think its the sleeping situation thats causing it. Ive made a few comments about it to my husband and he laughs about it but i havent told him that its all night every night as i dont want him to feel bad as there isnt much he can do if hes fast asleep, our bedroom isn't big enough for a kingsize bed. Im at the end of my tether. Any suggestions??

Could you move your other bedroom furniture into the playroom so it’s a dressing room also and create more room in your bedroom for a super king/2 singles?

It's a shame you can't fit a super king - we got one when we moved a year or so ago and I don't think I could ever go back to a double now! On the odd occasion we stay somewhere with one, it feels so tiny! No way you can rearrange or move some furniture from bedroom into playroom/another room to squeeze one in?

Otherwise, stick a pregnancy pillow in the middle - they're really sturdy. But if it's as bad as you say, then go for separate beds/rooms. You can always have a cuddle before going to sleep and then one of you leave, and same in the morning. You won't actually notice the other person is there while you're sleeping!

Start off in bed with him, have your chats and ‘cuddles’ and then move to the other room when he falls asleep. When you wake up go back in for morning cuddles. Works for us, we get lots of intimacy and chats and both get an excellent sleep.

*Roboticsealpup. Yes he notices I get up early and asks why I was up so early and I just say that I couldn't sleep and when he asks why I do tell him that I was uncomfortable as he was sleeping all the way across the bed and he will say sorry then laugh about it. He doesnt realise how much of a problem it is for me as i dont tell him every day. He knows i dont sleep well and he even tried blaming the mattress so he bought a new one and when that didnt help me sleep he blamed the new mattress. Think hes completely blind to it.But I am going to speak to him about it properly and tell him we are getting a day bed for the playroom and taking in turns sleeping in there.

Can you use a pool noodle or similar under the sheets to mark the mid point of the bed - creates a physical barrier that is uncomfortable to roll over.

This is genius!

Get the daybed for the playroom and then, when you get woken up you can move to it and get some proper sleep. That means you can still fall asleep together, and if you have a rare good night, can wake up together.

My OH snores like a fucking lawn mower. He's got a nose thing that helps, but I just give him a nudge if it's too much and he rolls over. There are still nights I have a terrible night's sleep (insomnia caused by being woken up) and I take full advantage of a nap when he's home from work or in the weekend, with no guilt. Sleep is important. Don't be a martyr.

Also wanted to add........ I wonder why men don't like the idea of sleeping separately to their wife?

Does it somehow emasculate them, or piss them off that their lady wifey prefers to sleep without him?

Or is he pissed off that he can't have a sneaky grope under the duvet?

Just wondered.

Definitely a single bed in the playroom. Put a throw over the bed during the day and it’ll be another area for your DDs to use, they can sit in the bed to read, draw, play etc.

I’ve slept in a separate room to my DH for 10 years, I doubt we’d still be married if we had to share a bed!

2 single beds with single duvets. You can still be in the same room but both have your own sleeping space.

Or you need to wake him up and get him to move over every time

You say you don't want the sleeping in separate rooms to affect your marriage. But you being knackered and in pain all the time will affect your marriage. You will end up resenting him even if he can't help it.

Please tell him how you feel. I'd be hurt if my husband had an issue that was causing him pain and affecting his health, that was easily solved, and he didn't tell me due to not wanting to upset me.

We sleep in separate beds around half the time for various reasons. Just make sure that you go up to bed at the same time, read or whatever in your normal bed, have a chat and a cuddle or whatever and then just go through to the other bed for the actual sleeping. If you want to wake up together whoever wakes up first can go through and get in with the other if it's after a certain time.

I would just get a single bed instead of a sofa. Much more comfortable and if it's against a wall you can just shove a couple of cushions and a throw on it and use it as a sofa. Much easier than folding a sofa bed away each day and it will last longer.

As a last attempt to get him to sleep in his side of your bed, could you try a pool noodle or two down the middle of the bed under the fitted sheet, and separate duvets?

No reason why you can't get into bed for a cuddle in the morning if you sleep separately. I got so fed up with DP's bouncing about in the night and hogging the duvet that I bought two small double beds. It meant we have no bedside table, but its so worth it to have my own bed!

If you can't fit separate beds at least get separate duvets, but if you have the option to sleep in another room TAKE IT!!! I use earplugs to block out his snoring, but if we had another room I'd take it.

We snuggle in together for a bit before we sleep so don't miss any intimacy and then if he gets up early in the morning he doesn't disturb me, or if we wake at the same time we get in with each other for a cuddle before getting up.

It won't be much more hassle doing that from a separate room and you will feel so much more like getting cuddled up to him if he hasn't kept you awake all night!

Don't you know the secret to a happy marriage is separate bedrooms?

Kingsize bed or a super kingsize bed, lots more room

he will say sorry then laugh about it. He doesnt realise how much of a problem it is for me as i dont tell him every day.

But he should realise. Why doesn't he? If you want to see male privilege in action, this is it at its most basic level. Woman puts up with very little sleep and feeling so uncomfortable every night it affects her health. Man laughs about it.

Keep telling him until he stops laughing. It isn't funny.

Oh dear I'm one of those nightmare sleepers. Even my friends won't share a bed with me.

My problem is I like having something to cuddle while I'm asleep so would gravitate towards dh who would get too hot and end up getting up and getting in my side where ide then gravitate back over to him.

He started putting a pillow in the middle of us after ide fell asleep and ide cuddle up to that. Not sure if it would work for you.

Separate beds. Good quality blow up air bed in the lounge if space is scarce.

How about getting two single beds in the same bedroom instead? That way you can have your conversations as you'd be in the same room but have a full bed to yourself.

Don’t be a martyr, we have separate bedrooms, married over 30 years. I can’t bear to share a room with anyone, and we have a six foot bed, which I now enjoy on my own . You can still have a late night/early morning cuddle, but just get a decent night’s sleep, and get a proper bed, not a sofa bed.

I'm a diagonal sleeper. Husband and I don't sleep together. I'm mostly not at home anyway as I work away a lot but my bedroom is all mine.

I still like him a lot though.

You can start off together then move to the spare room. I'd be getting a decent bed for the spare room. Sod sofa beds, I've yet to encounter a decent one. I often move rooms at 4am because I'm awake, or my dh is snoring.

Your health is far more important than the DC having a playroom.

Oh god stop being such a martyr. If you like your evenings and mornings together then just get singles ffs.

Try using your own single duvet. This might also create a bit of a barrier when she starts to roll.

Two single beds next to each other but just a little bit apart, they don’t have to be opposite sides of the room. That way you can have closeness but if he wants to go diagonal his legs will go down the gap not on your side.

this is one of the few things you must not talk about in bed you need this discussion outside the bedroom

if you get a bed for the playroom it needs to be a proper bed with proper mattress make sure it is suitable for daily use, by both you and DH

you could sleep together friday saturday night when no work/ school etc next day

your girls can use bed as a sofa but not as a trampoline as it very soon won't work as a bed

if you are perpetually tired you risk making serious mistakes driving or a work etc, tired drivers kill 10 times more people than drunk ones
sleep is not a luxury it is absolutely essential for long term health you need sleep in a proper bed every night so does DH

STOP BEING A MARTYR

My husband is a terrible snorer and refuses to do anything about it, so sleeps in the spare room on week nights. I love it ! I resented him every night and day before we did this. On your situation , as he’s not loud, I’d suggest two single beds with a small gap.