I can't bare to sleep with my husband

[smiler0206]

We have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughter's but I can't take it much more, I'm shattered as my DH sleeps like a log every night only its diagonally across the bed, leaving me only the top corner to curl up in a ball and hope for the best, he also rolls up like a sausage roll in the duvet. Im getting so frustrated, i cant remember the last time i had a good nights sleep I'm waking in the night constantly and end up giving up and just get out of bed around 4am then that's me up for the day and im worn out, ive also suffered with terrible back pain for the last 6 yrs, have had scans and nothing has been detected but im starting to think its the sleeping situation thats causing it. Ive made a few comments about it to my husband and he laughs about it but i havent told him that its all night every night as i dont want him to feel bad as there isnt much he can do if hes fast asleep, our bedroom isn't big enough for a kingsize bed. Im at the end of my tether. Any suggestions??

I agree, get a daybed, not a sofa bed. Much more comfy.

My STBXH deliberately disturbed my sleep every single night for years, yet refused to let me sleep in a different room. Arse.

TBF, the spare room was directly above where he sat up late with very loud television or stereo blaring, so it probably wouldn't have helped. Double arse.

I live alone now & when new DP stays over, he isn't an arse. Bliss!

Separate rooms is the way forward here...

I thought it was just me who sleeps in a different room because DH snores like a frickin' donkey. Thank you other posters on this thread! :) I can't sleep next to anyone actually and am an incredibly light sleeper. Somewhere in my early 40s I stopped feeling like I should be apologising for it and realised it's "just me" (apart from the snoring, which is completely just him).

You are being a martyr about this OP. It is in no one's interests that you are feeling like you are feeling from exhaustion and believe me I know how that feels. It reeks havoc with your mental and emotional health. Your girls do not need a playroom, but if you won't part with it then how about a really good fold down bed or day bed in there. You can get amazing ones these days designed specifically for space-saving. If your circumstances ever change you can get one of those Scandi two single beds clipped together with two separate duvet set-ups.

I wouldn't start waking him/moving him as it'll create its own resentment. Plus he likely cannot change how he sleeps, the same as my DH can't fix his snoring and I can't stop being a light sleeper. Separate beds is a great arrangement. You don't lose the intimacy if that's what you are worried of. You can cuddle up, etc. but then sneak off to your own wondrous space for the night.

2 single beds side by side with double duvets each will keep you close but give you the space you both need. don't move rooms that will impact on your relationship, try the alternatives first.

Oh, and he doesn't even notice that you get up at 4am?

Smiler you sound lovely, but you're being too nice about your husband also about your daughters' play room
You deserve a good nights sleep especially considering your health.It's been proved that lack of sleep can be serious.Tell them what you need.Take care, hope you sort it out

Start shopping a duvet each as a starting point.

Then have a conversation with him about it- surely he doesn't want to ruin your health! He will feel bad it has been going on so long. Then buy a different bed/sofa bed- get a really good one though with a proper mattress, if it is to be your usual bed.

The duvet thing could be solved by tomorrow by visiting a supermarket!

Yes he would want to find a solution. And no he isn't to long for the bed he is 5ft 8 the exact same height as me and my feet don't pop out of the bottom of the bed. Tbh as we haven't room for a kingsize bed I think the only solution is one of us sleeping in the spare room/playroom. And I really don't like the idea of that and don't think my husband will either. I like our chats/cuddles in bed and waking up with him in the morning (That's on the rare occasion that I haven't got out of bed at 4 or 5am) it's just the bit in the middle (the sleeping)

Thé double bed with a bunk on top sounds like a good solution. You’re in the same room then

@Smiler0206

Agree with the people saying you need to stop being a martyr, stop assuming your daughters will be very distressed at you popping a bed in the 'playroom,' and stop thinking that it's a dreadful thing to do in your marriage to sleep in separate bedrooms.

Some of the happiest marriages have couples sleeping separately. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and no-one should have to tolerate it. Annoyingly it's almost always WOMEN who are tolerating it, and feeling ashamed and embarrassed at the thought of sleeping separately from their husband.

For some reason, we are conditioned into believing that married couples must ALWAYS sleep together. I think it's old fashioned, out-dated bollocks. I cannot think of a single advantage to sleeping in the same bed as someone else. You get hot, he kicks and rawls about, he snores, he farts, he coughs, he steals the duvet, and it's pretty shit most of the time for many.

I don't know whose idea it was for 2 full sized adults to share a 4 foot x 6 foot space anyway! I think it harks back to days of old where people slept together for warmth, and because of lack of space.

The middle classes (and upper classes) have almost always had separate bedrooms, and sleeping together was traditionally, only for the poor.

If you have a spare bedroom, for goodness sake make it yours! If he doesn't like it, tough bollocks. It's OK for him, HE is getting sleep. You're not! All too common in marriages/ relationships for the woman to be the one suffering.

Can you use a pool noodle or similar under the sheets to mark the mid point of the bed - creates a physical barrier that is uncomfortable to roll over

I've never understood why two people would share one duvet no matter how large the bed or the duvet.

I'd be opting for two single beds if you can, they don't have to be miles apart, just far enough apart to be separate but if that's not possible certainly ditch the shared duvet.

Lack of sleep can have a serious impact on health. It's important for your long term health that you find a solution.

You could compromise with one of you sleeping on the sofa bed 3 nights a week. At least you would be getting some good sleeps then.

The sleeping is important for your health. Both physically and mentally, deep sleep is when your body repairs itself isn't it? Why would you want to let illness happen? Would your bloke thank you while you're recovering from a heart attack because you put his feelings first over your sleep? If you only want to vent and not do anything then it's up to you.

Why don't you try talking to him about it first and see if you can come up with a solution together. Even if it is 2 single beds pushed up together.

"For some reason, we are conditioned into believing that married couples must ALWAYS sleep together. I think it's old fashioned, out-dated bollocks."

This is so true I think.

Why can't you put a single bed in the playroom? Against the wall, made to look like a sofa during the day if you like (like a day bed) then you could chat to your dh but escape to actually get some sleep!

I’ve not read all the replies but I’ve got a king size bed that’s actually two singles together with amazing mattresses. Really helped as it’s hard to roll over the over side as you fall in the middle.

My parents have slept in two separate rooms for years and done them a world of good as they both sleep far better.

I cannot believe how long OP has allowed this to continue

What about separators in between the bed like the sausage pillow halfway down the bed might stop him going diagnol.

Or you could get a pregnancy pillow the U shape which will also stop the diagnol

Or stick him in a sleeping bag and stitch it to the edge of the mattress for training.

Just a FYI, daybeds aren't meant to be slept on all the time. They creak and eventually fall to bits. Been there.

HRTFT but I was reduced to drawing a diagram for my ex, showing him the tiny triangle of bed I was left with when he slept diagonally. It never improved but he's my ex now so I have a double bed to myself (apart from two dogs who have much better bed manners than he had 😆 )

Start by getting separate duvets. My DH and I stumbled upon this early in our marriage. It really helps.

I would consider moving to get a king sized bed. If that isn’t possible, maybe a pool noodle to help keep him on his side?

If you won't go for our problem-solving separate rooms solution! I would try two single duvets and one of the divider-in-the-middle ideas mentioned. I really do feel for you OP, cause I was a barely functioning ghost of a person for ages trying to "keep da romance alive" and bed-share with DH. The romance is a lot better now that I can get some sleep (and because I am awake/actually present during the day now.... instead of crying/being irritable from lack of sleep.

I've slept in the spare room for over a year now. We've been married 25 and I don't know why I didn't do it sooner.
He snores like a bastard and is sex pest.....always poking me in the back
I was not polite about his snoring. I even recorded it so he could hear what it sounded like. He just laughed and didn't take my sleep deprivation seriously.

Getting up and changing rooms isn't great for me because it takes me ages to settle again.
He wasn't happy about me moving rooms but I had to do it. My health has improved now I'm getting a full nights sleep....(that was why I finally moved as lack of sleep wasn't helping my illness)........and he lost weight and is snoring less loudly
I don't think I'll be moving back in permanently......maybe the odd night at the weekend.
You can't worry about hurting his feelings. Self preservation and all that.

Single bed in playroom sounds like a good idea.
Good luck