To know if my 13 year old is on medication or not?

[KittyPerry77]

NHS website states that 13 year olds have the same confidentiality as an adult at doctor's surgery when getting contraception.

How can it be right that a parent doesn't know if their child (and yes 5 years off being an adult is certainly a child) is taking the pill or not? It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

Who can I contact to try to get this changed? In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/confidentiality-at-sexual-health-services/

And the people who are cutting out the parents are telling the children gems like this "If you use contraception correctly, you can have sex without worrying about getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant."

Even condom plus pill doesn't equal 100% no-chance-of-conception so what a reckless statement for the NHS to be telling children.
www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/getting-contraception/

But how many.kids wouldn't seek treatment if parents would be told?

Not everyone has supportive parents. Or parents with a religious belief that would mean they object to things like the pill that would leave the kid in more of a vulnerable state than they already are.

The very kids who that would drive off are the very kids who would need it most.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gillick_competence

It's law, so I guess the first step to changing it would be to try to persuade your mp to your point of view. Might be tricky.

Yes there is contraception failure but witg condoms the most common cause of failure is not using correctly.

You need to look up the name Victoria Gillick - one very determined lady who took on this battle and basically lost. It's from her we have the term 'Gillick Competent' -
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gillick_competence

OP, I think you may be the very reason Gillick competence exists. YABU.

You've lost me Giles. A supportive parent is someone who helps their 13 year old get contraceptives? A 13 year old having sex needs help, not contraceptives.

What about children who are being abused and too scared to tell anyone but see this as the one way of preventing a pregnancy, there are valid reasons for this rule.

In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not

No, you really are.

Thank goodness children who don’t come from supportive families or who come from abusive families are able to get treatment and contraception advice without having to involve their parents.

A 3yo having sex needs help AND contraceptives.

Not all of us subscribe to the "head in the sand" approach to the scarier aspects of parenting, OP. Nobody wants their young teen to be sexully active. But some of them are. Despite our best efforts, some are. And they need to be able to access vital healthcare, including contraception, even if their parents are the kind who prefer to believe they are still watching Sesame Street and playing with dolls.

13yo, not 3yo, bloody keyboard

You need to step outside your little bubble op and consider so many other variables that don't directly affect you and your family.

Other posters have pointed out why, maybe listen to them.

Young people are legally children but they are not owned by their parents, they are autonomous beings. Doctors do not give medication to children without reason and without being able to demonstrate that they know the rights and wrongs of their actions (I.e. gillick competence). Some people are not ready to be sexually active until their 20s, for others it's this teens, and for others they may choose to engage in sex early and need to be able to access protection. Parents may not find this palatable but if you look at the abstinence movement in America you'll see that this gives rise to fear, STIs, pregnancy, anal sex in order to preserve vaginal virginity and teen pregnancy. Open, honest discussion and access to contraception, advice and info such as in the Netherlands actually delays the onset of first sexual activity as well as encouraging safe sex.

The pill is also used to regulate/help witg period problems.

Help and support takes time. I'd rather a chikd didn't get pregnant while you want through the lengthy process of whatever it is you think you can do to stop it happening.

You are being unreasonable. There are a multitude of reasons why someone might need to keep this confidential, it’s balancing the desires of the parents versus safeguarding the child.

What is the root of your concern about this OP?

I have two 11yos. I have not the smallest concern that in two years they could acquire contraceptives without my knowledge.

The reason I have no concerns is that we have an open and honest relationship. We communicate well and talk to each other a lot. We talk about sex, responsibility and relationships.

If you have concerns about this I would suggest you focus your efforts on your relationship with your children rather than start a political campaign.

I should add OP that open and honest discussion with DCs will tend to show you how much they don't know, how fears are unfounded and that actually they don't find sex as attractive then. DSS is 14, I have recently given birth to DD (14weeks). This gave rise to a lot of in-depth discussion with DSS. At one point his mum was worried because she found a condom in his bag. Having spoken to him and heard his utter disgust at pregnancy and child birth (morning sickness etc), and ask how he would know he had 'put it in the right hole' I was confident he wasn't going to be sexually active any time soon!

KittyPerry77 is it the law you want changed? You can start one of the official .gov. uk petitions.

Would you be challenging Gillick competence?

I live abroad and took DD to a gynecologist due to irregular heavy periods at her request (different medical system, all women go direct to a gynecologist not a GP about gynecological issues). I went in with her at her request but the gynecologist was clear that all decisions and the signing of consent forms were down to DD - under normal circumstances only a person competent to make medical decisions would be prescribed the pill. As it is neither DD not I wanted her on the pill to control her periods so we're watching and waiting and hoping they settle down for another 6 months.

I'm happy with that, I'd rather DD sought medical attention without my knowledge than ignored a problem and got into a worse state, if she felt for some reason that she couldn't come to me.

It is a complex area though. I tend to think there should at least be extra checks and balances for the 13-17 age group, especially the lower end. Girls shouldn't be on the pill for contraception at 13 obviously, and where it's the "least bad" option (for contraception not period or extreme acne treatment) perhaps ideally some kind of safeguarding procedure would kick in to ensure the child isn't in danger/ being abused or exploited/ more than averagely vulnerable. Budget probably prevents this, of course... Not all parents are good parents and act in their children's interests/ even bother to book them medical appointments though...

Who can I contact to try to get this changed?

It’s the law. There isn’t really a customer service desk that could help you. Try Theresa May maybe?

Comprehension of the Gillick competence law is tested in almost every Medical Student year 5 exam in the UK. It is the law, and the GPs are fulfilling their legal responsibility. (And in this case the law is absolutely right). YABU

And the people who are cutting out the parents are telling the children gems like this "If you use contraception correctly, you can have sex without worrying about getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant." Please show me where this is happening.

If you want to get the law changed you would need to contact your MP, the secretary for health and social care and start one of the official petitions.

It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

How's that relevant - do you think the prescribing GP may not be aware?

Why do you stress that 13 year olds are 5 years away from being adults? Do you expect that 17 year olds should have to have parental permission for contraception as they are technically children?

Do you think that the 13 year old children of abusive parents should be able to refuse permission for their sexually active child to have contraception?

Do you like the idea of pregnant 13 year olds?

It is absolutely right that a 13 year old can access contraception without parental consent. My only concern is where parents have to give consent to procedures or other prescriptions/interventions without full knowledge of other meds being taken. Not sure if that comes across very well, sorry.