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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To know if my 13 year old is on medication or not?

185 replies

KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 13:58

NHS website states that 13 year olds have the same confidentiality as an adult at doctor's surgery when getting contraception.

How can it be right that a parent doesn't know if their child (and yes 5 years off being an adult is certainly a child) is taking the pill or not? It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

Who can I contact to try to get this changed? In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not.

OP posts:
KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 16:57

But that's just it redexpat what message are these most vulnerable of 13 year olds getting when they're told that the GP will prescribe contraceptives to them confidentially? That it's what happens to other girls too. It's not a big deal.

I agree the state has some responsibility for children but it should be transparent Pingu

OP posts:
PinguDance · 23/11/2018 16:58

Re. Taking a medical history in an emergency - that’s why the doctor has access to their file and would, if possible, ask the child if they are on medication rather than just the parent. The same way you get asked if you might be pregnant when you get a bcg vaccination.

PinguDance · 23/11/2018 16:58

Err.. well it is transparent?

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/11/2018 16:59

So you are placing the burden on the child who has likely been groomed to tell parents, and fyi grooming gangs and such like don't pick children from happy supportive families, they pick tearaways and foster kids and ones with mental health issues as they are easy targets and will do what they are told.

So you expect a child, one who has possibly been threatened, addicted to drugs, and told that no one will believe them anyway etc to come forward to the parents and wait . Just wait for whatever process that's been kick started to happen...

Do you know how many rapes that are reported actually result in a conviction ? Abiut 6 percent

But go ahead . Place the responsibility and safety on the child themselves and leave them exposed to the risk of pregnancy while the parents fight it out amongst themselves

festivellama · 23/11/2018 16:59

You still haven't answered the question OP - why have you decided to start this thread today?

Is it because you are concerned about your own dc?

Or this is just the right place to come for an argument?

MamaLovesMango · 23/11/2018 17:00

Well it was a bloody stupid question. You’re naive at best here.

The reasons behind why we have this law are complex but the info is out there. Instead of being outraged, do some reading and make an informed opinion.

And please don’t be outraged on my behalf. I’m very glad the law is there to help safeguard my children, in the event I might not be able to.

KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 17:01

I didn't answer because it was an irrelevant question that added nothing to the discussion which has so far lasted 6 pages so obviously has interested other people too.

Have a good weekend.

OP posts:
Terribletweens · 23/11/2018 17:03

Either some PPs have a very odd view of doctors or the ones in their area should be struck off.

GPs do not start writing a script for the pill the minute a 13yo asks for it, they don't gloss over who they're having sex with and they are safeguarding trained to try and see beyond 'Er, my boyfriend's called Steve' (no-one can catch abuse 100% of the time though!). Doctors can think through that a sexually mature girl/woman might possibly be on birth control and not told them (what if your DD was with a teacher instead of you or what if it was an adult who was unconscious and they didn't have their records? They'd be prepared to work it out!)

smallchanceofrain · 23/11/2018 17:04

In an ideal world, all 13 year olds would have wonderful supportive parents (and wouldn't be having sex), but we don't live in an ideal world.

^ This.

I'm outraged on behalf of all parents.

You don't need to be outraged on my behalf OP. The law as it stands is sensible and necessary. It has my full support.

If you want something to be outraged about start with child poverty.

MamaLovesMango · 23/11/2018 17:07

If you want something to be outraged about start with child poverty

Or some of the horrific reasons why this law is in place.

mostdays · 23/11/2018 17:08

I'm outraged on behalf of all parents. You're responsible for a 13 year old and yet the state can prescribe them medications without your knowledge.

Victoria Gillick thought like you.

If you worked in the health and social care professions you'd know it's not a case of "ah, a 13 year old asking for the Pill, woo hoo let's hand it out willy nilly". You properly assess competence. If there's even the hint of a safeguarding concern you refer appropriately. You can issue contraception and refer to safeguarding.

GhostSauce · 23/11/2018 17:10

You sound really very naive OP.

KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 17:11

Ok so there's competence and no safeguarding concerns (although personally I think any 13 year old wanting to have sex must have some issues) and teh child gets the pill. That still means there's a 13 year old who hasn't even reached maturity on pretty powerful medication without parental knowledge. That's still absurd mostdays in a society where NSPCC says we shoudnt' leave them alone at home at that age.

OP posts:
meow1989 · 23/11/2018 17:11

Yabu.

EtVoilaBrexit · 23/11/2018 17:14

abacucat I’m not underestimated teenagers.
In my line of work, I constantly see ADULTS who are struggling with informed consent (because they aren’t told about all the negative side effects of xx medication).
I see women who are fobbed off for very serious and valid concerns.
I see GPs/HCP reacting from à prejudice POV (eg teenage mothers)

If those adults, some of them very well educated, are struggling, why should I assume that teenagers with less maturity, less knowledge etc won’t?

Real informed consent is actually a very hard thing to acheive.

Graphista · 23/11/2018 17:14

I don't know what relevance the needing-pill-for-heavy-periods posts have to my post. I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case.

so you're completely IGNORING the posts by those who were left suffering because their mothers had ridiculous objections to their being on the pill for medical reasons

To the posters mentioning 17 year olds: I'm talking THIRTEEN here. There's a huge difference - the age of consent being one.

point is these children were once 13 also and I and other mothers of teens have dealt with these issues with children of that age

If a 13 year old is being raped then a Dr needs to get the social services and police involved, not just provide her with contraceptives. Surely she should also need the help of her parents here too. If the parents are abusive, then get her the hell out of there.

^wow! You couldn't be more ignorant or offensive if you tried! Csa is far more complex than 'just tell' especially if it's a parent that is the abuser - I'm a survivor I didn't tell anyone until I was an adult and even then I wasn't believed always! Before you comment on this subject again you need to learn more about it*
*
If a 13 year old is "choosing" to have sex then something's gone wrong somewhere and she needs counselling not just contraceptives. Again, surely parents are the ones who can most help her. You can't say on one hand, "Oh the parents are so abusive, they can't know about her contraceptives" but then just leave here there.
*
again - the ignorance is astounding! It's not always safe to tell the parents. Children who have sex very young often do so as a reaction to poor even abusive home life. And going in heavy handed to try and 'solve' this can be extremely counterproductive

And the posts saying how important open discussion is (not the ones advising me in a way to assuage my fears but the ones implying I'm indoctrinating my kids with flying storks and Eeeeevil Contraceptives): it's the opposite of open for Drs to prescribe medication to a child without telling the parent and also dangerous. My Drs surgery doesn't have someone sitting at reception to answer calls from A&E in the middle of the night about what medication patients are taking.
*
if a patient is admitted to a&e their medical records can be accessed anyway if necessary. It's not 'the opposite of open' for patients to be given the respect of confidentiality from their Drs - who ARE being open with them and with whom they CAN be open, just because there isn't discussion with parents doesn't mean there's no openness there.*

Scarbados - I too remember gillick she came across as a puritanical controlling dick to me!

"Victoria Gillick also excelled herself more recently by campaigning for UKIP which told me all I needed to know about her thinking and reasoning skills." Didn't know this but not surprised

Yes scarbados of course they need to be protected. If the 2 pregnant girls hadn't become pregnant would their rapes have come to light? I'm not suggesting it's better that they got pregnant but just asking the question. Were they then removed from their abusive homes?
*
except that's exactly what you're implying! Don't be disingenuous. Also going to the dr for contraception can open the way for those girls to disclose to the GP or for the GP to assess if there's something untoward going on, better that way than as a result of an unplanned pregnancy - which as you're so fond of talking about the risks of contraception carries greater risks actually*

JacquesHammer I guess I feel it's telling her that being raped at 13 is just the hand she's been dealt and she has to man up and do damage limitation rather than sending a clear message that it's not right and she is a victim who needs help.
*
utter rot!*

Giles Your logic is that no parent should be automatically informed when their 13 year old daughter is put on the pill as some Dads are raping their daughters? So legislation is for the what the- .1% of the population?
*
Ffs! 1/20 children are sexually abused - that we know about! I'm not in that statistic I don't think (as I have no evidence my word against his) and many never report to anyone. But even if it was .1% of the population - it's the .1% of the population that is the most vulnerable - those that are from happy homes not being abused don't need the protection and their parents will likely know what they need to*

Seems to me you'd rather throw csa and rape victims under the bus just because you can't bear the thought of your teens doing something sensible under the care of an hcp without your control permission. Nice 🤔

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 17:15

Oh, right, you don't have teens yourself. Says it all. You should be outraged instead at the levels of poverty, neglect and sometimes systematic abuse that goes on with young people rather than a teenager being able to access contraception without their parents' consent, especially if you think a 13-year-old will rock up at the GP and just be handed out pills without so much as a by your leave. Hmm

I for one am quite glad we live in a place where teenagers can access vital healthcare without having to worry about fallout from parents.

And once again, you really need to learn this before your own kids become teens, even in the most loving and supportive homes, there will be things your teen just doesn't want to discuss with you. You really have to get over that. What I did was make sure my teens also had contact with older teens and young adults, namely, two male and two female older first cousins, who all made it clear their doors are open, too, to talk to.

They're going to make mistakes. The important thing is to try to minimise the fallout from those mistakes so they can live enough to learn from them hopefully.

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 23/11/2018 17:18

The thing is is it's not really about contraceptives it's more about what rights parents have over their children.

A 13 year old won't just go to the gp and say "can I have the pill" and the gp go "sure thing". The GP will determine whether the child has the ability to consent to the decision, whether they can understand the risks involved, whether they have the ability to make that decision and if the GP decides they do, then they will prescribe them contraceptives. The gp will probably probe why the child wants contraceptives and weigh up whether there are any safe guarding concerns and make appropriate social services referral, this is med school 101.

If the child is deemed competent to consent to that particular decision, then the parents have no right over that child really in the same way that your parents have no right to know your medical care. If you collapsed and for parents had to take you to a&e they wouldn't necessarily know what medications your on.

If a child needs further medical care and this is contraindicated by the pill for whatever reason I'm sure the Drs will then ask the teenager privately if they are on any contraceptives. Again medical contraindications is med school 101.

A parent essentially has no right to a 13 year olds body (who is gimmick competent) they can consent to child's medical care to protect the child, but this isnt because they have a right to a childs body its because they are best placed to make decisions for the child and theres still issues about what a parent can consent for for their child (e.g. can a parent refuse a child a lifesaving blood transfusion, can a parent consent to cosmetic surgery)

A child isn't the parents possession, they are a human being in their own right and have the right to their own decisions about healthcare when they are old enough and have the ability to make those decisions and that is what gillick competence is. When a child doesn't have the ability to make those decisions the parent can but normally only if it's in the best interests of the child.

MirriVan · 23/11/2018 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sashh · 23/11/2018 17:20

Are you my friend? Her mother did this

Nope, but I know other mothers are the same. A friend wasn't even allowed tampons.

I don't know what relevance the needing-pill-for-heavy-periods posts have to my post. I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case.

Please re read my post and others.

To the posters mentioning 17 year olds: I'm talking THIRTEEN here. There's a huge difference - the age of consent being one.

I started at 11, in primary school. Also 17 is still legally a child, at what point do you want a child to be able to consent to medical treatment?

Also the side effects, I'd had loads from the meds I WAS allowed.

OP

Yes a lot of laws are made for the 1% or even less. Laws are meant to protect individuals.

You're responsible for a 13 year old and yet the state can prescribe them medications without your knowledge. I can't get my head round it.

What if the child has TB? Or cancer? Or even a broken leg? There are parents who would not give permission for the treatment.

There are schools who do not allow HPV vaccination on their premises, I'm happy that a 13 year old can get the jab elsewhere.

tinselfest · 23/11/2018 17:20

Oh, I get it now.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 17:23

If a 13 year old is being raped then a Dr needs to get the social services and police involved, not just provide her with contraceptives.

And this they will do if there is cause to do it, they are duty bound to do so and risk losing their jobs or worse if they don't. Do you really believe HCPs who work in adolescent sexual health are just all clueless automatons?

Agree with the poster who said it's also usually a LARC that is prescribed, usually an implant. A 14-year-old presented at 'GPs Behind Closed Doors' last week with her mother to obtain the implant. I wanted to stand up and cheer that this young person was able to obtain reliable contraception. And even with her mother present, on the young person's consent, safeguarding and disease prevention was discussed. I'm just glad we live in a place where such a young person can be treated appropriate to her needs.

No 14-year-old should get pregnant in this country.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 17:24

What if the child has TB? Or cancer? Or even a broken leg? There are parents who would not give permission for the treatment.

Exactly!

Fatasfook · 23/11/2018 17:25

I agree it’s not great but teenage pregnancy rates are high. It’s up to you as a parent to have the sort of relationship with your child which enables them to come to you with their issues.

SoupDragon · 23/11/2018 17:32

the discussion which has so far lasted 6 pages so obviously has interested other people too.

Except it's 6 pages or people disagreeing with you,

Swipe left for the next trending thread