To know if my 13 year old is on medication or not?

[KittyPerry77]

NHS website states that 13 year olds have the same confidentiality as an adult at doctor's surgery when getting contraception.

How can it be right that a parent doesn't know if their child (and yes 5 years off being an adult is certainly a child) is taking the pill or not? It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

Who can I contact to try to get this changed? In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not.

Specifically with regard to the pill I worry that the side effects are played down or medical professionals are simply not aware of the extent of problems because theyre under reported and under recorded - that applies to adults taking the pill too.

I used to teach and worry that in England anyway sex education emphasises pregnancy over disease. I overheard conversation or occasionally teen girls would come to me, and they only ever worried or talked about pregnancy as a result of unprotected sex. STDs should really be the biggest worry. For some of them there was something a tiny bit exciting about the risk of pregnancy, and a baby had an appeal even though they knew it would "ruin their lives". Nothing appealing about herpes or clomidea though...

claire
Paramedics and hospital staff can call the Drs can't they?

It would also be a concern wouldn't it if they asked the parents for consent to do a pregnancy rest when wabting to prescribe sone meds or do xrays?
There must be these conflicts alot

I'd rather they use contraception than get pregnant! Personally, I've advised mine to get the implant if they're going for it. The pill has too much of a human error failure rate, IMO. Young people have sex. I did. Didn't tell my parents, either. At that age, they're not usually going to tell their parents, 'Hey, I'm not a virgin anymore!', especially not with a parent like you.

Any parents with a reasonable relationship with their daughter should be able to have the conversation, explain and ask. No?

Yes the pill has side effects but it's not just used for sex.. Regulating periods, reducing heavy periods, helping with acne etc. I agree 13yo shouldn't be having sex but unfortunately there's not much you can do so instead of burying heads in the sand it's better to educate your own children and prevent, god forbid, a pregnancy.

That's about sex education though, not Gillick competence really. I do think disease risk should be more widely explored in sex education, and side effects of hormonal contraception discussed. Everything has pros and cons and should be widely discussed, so decisions can be informed ones.

I do get your fear but anyone who is sexually mature, and mentally competent enough to understand this, needs to have some way of controlling their health, in case the person more responsible for them won't or can't (ie, is abusive or the young person is just hiding it from them). The risks of them being able to have sex without parental permission but not able to access sexual health advice and medication without the same could be pretty disastrous.

You do realise no-one can or will stop you talking to your child about contraception/sex without knowing whether they're active or on contraceptives don't you? Talk to them anyway about side effects, the law, making these decisions etc, then you'll know you've had all the discussions you'd have had even if you were the one that had to go to the GP with them. The GP doesn't get to say what they like and you have to stay silent at home you know.

I think you should focus more on your bond with your daughter and openness if it bothers you that much and think it's a possibility she could do it, rather than trying to take the option away from people who may need it.

The thought of my daughters being prescribed contraceptive without my knowledge makes me feel sick, but I understand and absolutely respect the need for the confidentiality. Therefore I feel my time as a parent is better spent, not campaigning to have this changed but trying to foster the best relationship I can with my girls and hope that they would speak to me first. It's a gamble, it's a precarious solution and it's pretty much parenting in a nutshell - do your best and hope for a good result.

I have a 13 year old. I would hope that if she felt she was ready for sex and felt unable to talk to me or her big sister,t hen she would have the sense to access contraception. If kids are going to have sex, they are going to have sex. Better to allow them to have safe sex than to have sex anyway!

My posts were general observations (I don't think Terrible was addressing me, but I'm not sure... I have these conversations with my own children, but from my time teaching in England I think for the general good they should be more explicitly covered in school sex education, because either most parents dont or the kids don't listen to their parents! I think a lot of adults dont understand the very serious down sides of hormonal contraception.

I do think disease risk should be more widely explored in sex education, and side effects of hormonal contraception discussed

I confess I don't know how sex education is being taught at the moment, but the OP could cover these issues with her child.

My worry that we aren't teaching our children to be extremely cautious with medicines and how to risk assess.

Any parents with a reasonable relationship with their daughter should be able to have the conversation, explain and ask. No?

No.
Cause some kids at that age won't talk about this stuff with their parents and a parent trying to force the conversation is t going to get anywhere.

Better to teach them you're there for hen but that they can also freely go to a professional for completely private and completely non biased advice that the parent need never know about. At 13, most girls I'd imagine, would be modified talking to their mum about periods and babies and cramps etc etc. Let alone a daughter of a single dad.

So... what's brought this to your attention all of a sudden today, OP?

Sorry blueskies, my post was aimed at the OP but can see how it looks like a reply to yours. Totally agree with you that there should be far more discussion around it, I have colleagues who were shocked I can't have the pill because of increased stroke risk, they didn't have a clue it could have risks like that. And one of them has a teenage daughter.

Aren't permission and knowledge different things?

I'm old enough to be pre Gillick.

I had years of horrendous periods involving clots, vomiting, having to change towels and tampons at least every hour and several times over night.

My mother still hit the roof when at 17 I finally got a prescription for the pill.

I'd had pain killers that sent me to sleep, anti emetics, numerous different pills and potions, nothing worked.

The only reason for me not to be on the pill was my mother's religious beliefs.

No child should go through what I did. No child should be being brought home from school for projectile vomiting in the classroom (in those days teachers brought you home).

Jenny, they are but they're intertwined - if you're going to tell the parents then who is it that really holds the permission? What if the parents intervene, or what if the girl doesn't want her parents to be told so doesn't go for the help? Not free to consent without permission then.

This all kicked off years ago with Victoria Gillick didn't it? I may have remembered it wrong but I thought this Mulberry bush has been well circumnavigated and the conclusion come to is what we now have in law.
Not saying it's right but it's far from an ideal world.

This was decades ago, but I got the pill 'surreptitiously' at 17 and it didn't make me promiscuous. I was in a 'committed' relationship (as committed as you can be at 17). My parents would never have permitted it, and would have been shocked that I was having sex 'outside of marriage' but they never knew and I never got pregnant.

A friend got the pill at the same time. She was also in a 'committed' relationship. Her parents would NEVER have agreed to it. They found the pills, raised hell, threw them out, and told her to never have sex until she was married. She got pregnant and ended up having a termination (without her parents ever finding out). Even though she knew the termination was the right thing to do for both her and her then BF, it has affected her and she feels some guilt over it.

Which is the better experience? Sometimes confidentiality is worth it. And if it keeps a teenage girl from getting pregnant, it's worth it.

Policy to tell parents = kids don't seek out contraception as they don't want parents to know = increase in teenage pregnancy. Simple.

I squirmed having the conversation at the time, but me and my mum are open enough to talk about anything which I think is healthy.

And I'm sorry but if you're not old enough to talk about it you're certainly not old enough to be doing it! Mine will hear me out so at least I know they have the information, that bit is tough shit whether they reply or not

Children have rights, and one of those is the right to medical treatment. The law you're objecting to is the same law that protects, for instance, a 13 year old with anti-vaxxer parents who wants to be vaccinated.

Children are not the property of their parents - at least not in this country.

Exactly, Klutzy! Really cannot imagine my 16-year-old self telling my mother I was having sex, and not in a 'committed relationship', either. It's perfectly possible to enjoy sex without being in a committed relationship so I don't sell my own teens the whole 'sex should only happen in a loving and committed relationship' line, either. I liked to have sex and with more than one person. It was during the time when AIDS was coming to the forefront so I always used condoms AND the pill.

And I'm sorry but if you're not old enough to talk about it you're certainly not old enough to be doing it!

Fair enough but that doesn't necessarily mean the person you talk about it with is your parent.

A lot of my family are very religious. No daughter of theirs is ever going to be able to talk to their mum about contraception as the family line is - no sex before marriage. I am glad my nieces and cousins can access contraception if they need it.