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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To know if my 13 year old is on medication or not?

185 replies

KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 13:58

NHS website states that 13 year olds have the same confidentiality as an adult at doctor's surgery when getting contraception.

How can it be right that a parent doesn't know if their child (and yes 5 years off being an adult is certainly a child) is taking the pill or not? It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

Who can I contact to try to get this changed? In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 23/11/2018 16:34

You do realise the process that would cause some one to get pregnant can literally be over in seconds right?

Are you really willing to take the Chance your kid gets pregnant while you finish work get home listen to the message on your answer phone and make a mental note to call back when you get to work the next day?

Do you really think that someone who's being abused should have a baby because her parents are Catholic?

Do you want to give that boyfriend a way to control a child. Condoms rely on the man agreeing to wear one.

Carpetglasssofa · 23/11/2018 16:35

Typos galore.

Almost certainly have come to light if the children had received

LittleGwyneth · 23/11/2018 16:35

Trying to change this would be so, so dangerous and a waste of your time.
I'm sure that in your household your children don't need confidentiality about their contraception. But in plenty of others, they do.
There are families in the UK where girls could be literally murdered for taking birth control.
If you weren't able to get the pill from your doctor at 13 without parental consent you would see a rise in people buying it online, and in teenage pregnancy. At least in this situation the doctor has the ability to talk to the sexually active young woman and explain about sexual abuse etc.
Taking away contraception does not stop children from having sex. It stops them from having safer sex.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 16:35

Trans issues are not a reason to do away with a teenagers ability to see a GP in confidence.

user4041 · 23/11/2018 16:37

Yabu even if my parents could know my history of medication and he happy with it, Their will be some people who will not be able to as freely get medication as people who can get it with people knowing due to cultures and different views etc, therefor creating a safe guarding issue

PipLongStockings · 23/11/2018 16:37

If an immature 13 year old approached a gp requesting contraception it would be a long detailed appointment.
Only if the child can understand pros/cons risks/benefits and can explain these sufficiently well back to the doctor can they be deemed to consent.
I expect many 13 year olds will in fact not be able to do that so it is more for 14/15 who do in fact have sex and again so long as in entirely consensual, not at all exploited and a similar aged individual then they can weigh risks/benefits of that decision also. I don't think you can ever say one rule for all- it is an individual assessment process

LittleGwyneth · 23/11/2018 16:38

'I don't know what relevance the needing-pill-for-heavy-periods posts have to my post. I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case.'

I know a lot of women who wouldn't have been able to talk to their mum about going on the pill for their periods or skin, for fear of retribution.

It sounds like you're struggling to accept that your teenage daughter is growing up and is going to be making big choices without you. I know it's scary, but if you act controlling etc she's only going to pull away from her. Rather than trying to take away contraceptive options from other young women who need it, why not focus on building up the relationship with your daughter so she won't feel the need to use the confidentiality on offer.

Original poster
KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 16:39

But they're probably not going to say they're being raped Dolores as the rapist probably has some power over them so they'll say "Uh yeah, I've got a boyfriend, Steve. He's 15."

OP posts:
Carpetglasssofa · 23/11/2018 16:42

You don't know much about Safeguarding.

Original poster
KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 16:42

I don't believe any 13 year old can understand the pros and cons Pip. The pill is a very serious piece of kit.

Thanks for being kind Gwyneth but no my daughter's still pretty far off being a teenager. I'm outraged on behalf of all parents. You're responsible for a 13 year old and yet the state can prescribe them medications without your knowledge. I can't get my head round it.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 23/11/2018 16:42

And the gp won't gain their trust for them to confide in them if they are straight on the phone to parents will they?

Wouldn't you rather they were safe from pregnancy in the mean time? Cos an abuser won't stop just because they are refused access to contraception.

QueenDoris · 23/11/2018 16:44

I'm outraged on behalf of all parents

That's the funniest thing I have read on here for ages.

Carpetglasssofa · 23/11/2018 16:44

Not many teens get the pill anyway, OP. It's all about larcs now.

Lots of 13 year old are bright and sensible. Give them some credit.

Original poster
KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 16:46

Thanks QueenDoris I liked MamaLovesMango's contribution

Who can I contact to try to get this changed?

It’s the law. There isn’t really a customer service desk that could help you. Try Theresa May maybe?

OP posts:
redexpat · 23/11/2018 16:47

I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case. You clearly have no idea of the extent of abuse and neglect in this country. I'll hazard a guess that you grew up in a loving and supportive family and cant actually imagine having to help yourself aged 13. You only need to search on here to read thread after thread of women whose caregivers didnt provide sanitary protection. Why on earth would those parents care enough or have the capacity to seek help for their child?

abacucat · 23/11/2018 16:48

I don't know what relevance the needing-pill-for-heavy-periods posts have to my post. I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case.
My very religious relatives for one. They refused the HPV vaccine to my nieces as - if you are faithful to your husband, you cant get HPV anyway.

PinguDance · 23/11/2018 16:50

You’re responsible for your child but you are not exclusively responsible for them - so is the state. This is very, very important and how on earth do you think social services would operate if the state didnt take some responsibility for looking after children. Children have rights and parents have duties.

Original poster
KittyPerry77 · 23/11/2018 16:51

Well that's not very comforting Carpet. People have shared horror stories of their implant side effects.

But if a child is being raped Giles, this is the time that she definitely needs her parents to know so they can support her. If they are the ones doing the raping then she shouldn't be returned to them with her contraceptives but taken away from them straight away.

OP posts:
EtVoilaBrexit · 23/11/2018 16:52

Only if the child can understand pros/cons risks/benefits and can explain these sufficiently well back to the doctor can they be deemed to consent.
I dint think a 13yo will get that and actually I’m not sure 16~17yo will either. There more likely to with the ‘well everyone else had the pill so why wouod it be an issue’
I actually think that a lot of women fall into that category esp because most GP tends to minimised the negative side effects of the pill (and tend the consider that when women are complaining they are over reacting). So that will be even MORE true with teenage girls.

HOWEVER, there is a need for a safe space for teenagers (boys or girls) to go and talk to a GP in full confidentiality.

I just dint think we should kid ourselves that whatever decision is taken is done with full informed consent. It might be the best decision under the circumstances. It is unlikely to be a decision taken with full knowledge or the best for that particular patient etc...

Basically it’s probably the best in a bad deal.

I do have an issue about the fact it’s not JUST about contraception/the pill

Bluelonerose · 23/11/2018 16:52

On one hand I would hope that my teens would talk to me first. I have had the sex talk with both of them but I'm not sure if I've covered everything or explained it properly.

If they were having sex and felt they couldn't talk to me I would much prefer them to be able to go and see their gp who would be able to give them proper medical advice.
If this was taken away where would it leave them? Gum clinics are bloody rare now so the only choice they have really is a go.

wafflyversatile · 23/11/2018 16:52

I don't know what relevance the needing-pill-for-heavy-periods posts have to my post. I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case.

You're just showing your paucity of imagination here. You can be sure of whatever you want, doesn't mean you're right. Why should 13 years olds miss out on medication because you can't imagine a 13 year old who wouldn't want their mum or dad to come with them to the GPs to talk about heavy periods, or imagine a parent who didn't give a fuck that their child had heavy periods, or thinks women should suffer in the name of the Lord, or whatever.

DRE56322 · 23/11/2018 16:53

In an ideal world, all 13 year olds would have wonderful supportive parents (and wouldn't be having sex), but we don't live in an ideal world.

abacucat · 23/11/2018 16:53

EtVoila I think you massively underestimate teenagers.

PipLongStockings · 23/11/2018 16:54

KittyPerry77 I do kind of agree in the sense that currently GP records and hospital records are separate and say you take your daughter to A&E for leg pain or bleeding, the Dr will ask if she taking any medication and as a parent you say no. Complications of the pill can include blood clots and bleeding and it would be very necessary for the hospital to have that information.

PinguDance · 23/11/2018 16:55

Also some 13 yr olds choose to have sex and their lives are not ruined by it - I don’t think it’s optimal but I don’t think it has to be quite as dire a situation as you do. Condoms are used at the behest of the bot - a girl can’t be as in control of her contraception is she is relying on condoms. Though as a PP said they ought to be using them for STIs as well as the pill for contraception